As promised, Richard had arranged a weekend in the Lake District for us. He picked a beautiful country hotel that felt as if it was in the middle of nowhere. I couldn’t have asked for a more romantic setting.
“Wow, what a view,” I said, staring out of our bedroom window across the mountains and down to the lake. I loved the way the sun turned everything yellow before it hit the horizon.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Richard asked as he came up behind me and put his hands around my waist. It didn’t feel entirely natural, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Just unfamiliar.
“How did you find this place?”
“A guy at work had his honeymoon here.”
I could see why. Our room was huge, but cozy with an open fire and a four-poster bed. It was something that would pop up if you typed romantic country hotel into Google. In the same way, if you typed romantic, attentive, kind and generous man into Google, Richard would pop up. He was all those things.
“I thought we could just hang out here for the night. The restaurant downstairs is meant to be good. I made reservations for eight if that works for you.”
“Sure,” I said as I laid my head back on his chest. He was so thoughtful and kind.
“Or we don’t have to go anywhere. I’m sure they do room service.” He swept my hair to one side and pressed his lips to my neck.
We were three months in and this was our first weekend away together. I should be desperate to keep room service busy, but I didn’t feel like that. It wasn’t that I couldn’t bear for him to touch me. When he kissed me, it felt nice. I was just ambivalent about his touch. About him really. I didn’t miss him when he wasn’t there, and I didn’t get excited to see him—though when I did, I had a nice time. Hopefully, now that things between us were getting more serious, my feelings would grow. But Haven’s words echoed through my head—maybe he just wasn’t the right man for me.
My phone rang and although I didn’t move to answer it, Richard released his hold around my waist. “You get that and I’ll grab a quick shower,” he said, then planted a kiss on my cheek.
Luke’s name was flashing on the screen. Talk about timing.
“Hey,” I said. Why was he was calling me?
“Hi, I’m at the supermarket. What wine did Haven say I should bring on Sunday?” The noise of the shoppers echoed behind him.
“Why would I know?” The shower began running in the bathroom, and I relaxed a little. It felt weird to be speaking to Luke while I was away with Richard. I went back to the window, not wanting to waste the view.
“You were there, weren’t you?”
“I don’t remember. But buy the pinot noir. Even if it’s not the right one, she’ll still like it.”
“Okay. And I need to ask you a favor.”
My stomach clenched. Was he going to tell me he was engaged and wanted me to do a reading at his wedding?
“I have this work thing. Like an awards ceremony. Will you come with me? It’s black tie and everything.” Over the years, I’d got used to accompanying him to events like this. But I’d not done it for a while. Not since he moved in with Emma.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. I was pleased he was asking me, but I knew I shouldn’t go. “Why can’t Emma go with you?”
“She’s working.”
I rested my forehead on the cool glass in front of me. I wanted to go. And that was the difference. If Richard were asking, I’d say yes, but I wouldn’t really want to. If I went with Luke, we’d laugh all night and have the best time. “When is it?” I asked. I should say no. I should come up with an excuse. Spending time with Luke wasn’t going to make me like Richard more, and that’s what I needed to do.
“It’s four weeks from today. Please say you’ll come. I can’t bear these things, and you’ll make it fun.”
“Can’t Haven go?”
“I’m not taking my sister. How pathetic do you want me to look?” he asked.
I smiled. “I thought I was meant to be like a sister to you.” I was prodding him, verging on flirting. I shouldn’t be.
“Well, you are like a sister, but in an ‘it’s legal’ way. No one has to know I’ve seen you pee yourself. We could pass as a couple.” I’d long passed the point where playing at being a couple was enough for me. I needed something real.
“Jesus, I was five. Are you ever going to let me forget it?” Luke had been peeing on my mother’s roses, and I’d thought I would join the fun but ended up with wet underwear and a scolding from my mother. Luke had laughed until his eyes almost popped out of his head.
“I wouldn’t hold your breath.”
“I’ll check my schedule. I won’t know if I’m working until next week.” How did Emma have her schedule already? She worked at the same group of hospitals, and doctors and nurses got their schedules four weeks in advance. Surely she couldn’t know yet.
“You’re the best. I’ll see you Sunday.”
I shook my head at his assumption that I would end up going with him. “I won’t be there on Sunday, but I’ll let you know.”
“You won’t? What are you doing?” he asked.
I hesitated for a split second then decided to be honest. “I’m away for the weekend. With Richard.”
“Oh, right. So . . . So it’s serious then?”
I didn’t want to get into this with him. “I told you, we’ve been going out three months. It’s three-months serious. Not you-and-Emma serious.”
He didn’t say anything.
“I’ll speak to you next week,” I said.
“Yeah, okay.” There was something in his voice that hadn’t been there before. I couldn’t quite identify it, but he sounded uncertain.
The shower turned off, and I shoved my phone back in my bag just before Richard came out in his robe.
“Nice threads,” I said.
“Thanks. There are his and hers on the back of the door.” He straightened the front of the robe to show me the word “hers” embroidered on the breast pocket.
I wanted to ask him if he’d left his penis back in London. I smirked at my own joke, but I wasn’t sure Richard would find it funny. “Did you get the wrong robe?” I asked.
He stood in front of me, pulling at my waistband. “No,” he said, moving toward me. “I wore it because I’m hers. Yours.” He pressed his lips against mine, and I put my arms around his neck and closed my eyes, allowing our tongues to meet. “I’m all yours.”
And that was the problem. I wasn’t all his, but I was trying to be.
Luke
“Why didn’t you bring Emma?” Haven asked as she opened the door.
“It’s so good to see you, my beloved brother. How are you?” I responded sarcastically. I bent and kissed her cheek, and then we went through to the open-plan living space.
“So?” she asked.
Jake was in the kitchen, and we exchanged raised eyebrows.
“She didn’t want to come. I can’t force her,” I said. The truth was I hadn’t pushed very hard. I preferred it when it was just the four of us. Or the five of us¸ when Beth joined. We fit together well.
“Did you suggest she come? What did she say?” she asked.
“That she always felt uncomfortable because we all had private jokes or something.”
“Well how come Jake doesn’t feel like that? He’s come on the scene more recently than Emma.” Haven waved around a vegetable knife for emphasis. “Were you uncomfortable coming to Sunday night dinner?” she asked Jake, who seemed to be shredding some kind of vegetable with an unusually complicated cheese grater.
He shook his head. “Nothing would have stopped me from spending time with you, and I wanted to know your family better. Anyway, I love Ash and Luke; why wouldn’t I like hanging out with them?”