“There are a few different kinds in there. I think Jake got you the one you like,” Haven said, stirring something in a bowl. Another good thing about my sister being married was that there was always beer at her place now. “I’m doing cheese straws.”
I took the lid off my drink and slumped onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar. “Do you want a hand?” I asked.
“Ash is cooking. This is just for fun. You concentrate on telling me what’s going on with you and Emma.”
I drew my brows together. “How do you know I want to talk about me and Emma?”
“Because I’m psychic,” she replied. “And I know you. I know how you get when you’re unhappy.”
I scowled but she wasn’t looking, too focused on the pan in front of her. “You think I’m unhappy?”
“Are you telling me you’re not?”
I thought about it. How long did she think I’d been unhappy for? This was news to me. Before Emma voiced her desire to move things on in our relationship, I’d never seen us as unhappy together; I’d not thought I was miserable.
“Emma wants to get married,” I blurted out. Haven met my eyes. She rolled her lips together as if she were stopping words from tumbling out and slowly nodded.
“Don’t you have anything to say about that?” I was expecting a bigger reaction from her. I wanted to know if she was as concerned about breaking up our routine as I was.
“Well, do you want to marry her?”
I shrugged, focusing on the outside of the pan that Haven was holding, as if staring hard enough would give me x-ray vision, and I would be able to see what she was making. Did I want to get married? Married. It was such a weird word. Married, married, married, married. I just wanted things to be how they’d always been. So, no, I didn’t want to get married. My dilemma, as I saw it, was that either way, break up or get married, I ended up unhappy.
“You can’t be surprised,” Haven said, narrowing her eyes. That was the problem. I hadn’t been expecting it at all.
“Surprised at what?” Jake boomed from behind me.
“Emma wants to get married,” Haven said.
I rolled my eyes. There really were no secrets between these guys.
“She’s given me a month to decide, or I guess we’re over.” Things had seemed almost back to normal this morning. I’d gone for a run. She’d gone to the gym. I suppose things had been a little strained, but she wasn’t shouting, so I saw that as a move forward. But realistically Pandora’s box was now firmly open, and things were never going to go back to how they were.
“Sounds like she’s serious. And you don’t want to marry her?” Jake asked.
“Well that’s the question,” Haven said.
“No, not really,” I said. “I don’t see the point. But we’ve been a couple a long time and I love her, and as much as I can’t see us getting married, splitting up would be . . .” I’d not thought much of what my life would look like without her. I mean, we lived together. I’d have to move out for one thing, so that would be a huge change for me. And the mortgage was in both of our names, and we had a joint bank account. Our finances were intertwined.
“Sounds like you shouldn’t marry her,” Jake said simply, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
“How did you work that out?” I asked.
“I’d never really thought about marrying anyone before Haven. I didn’t understand it, didn’t see the point. Then I met her and boom—it was all I thought about. I wanted to do everything I could to tell the whole fucking world she was mine. I wanted to be able to call her my wife.”
I glanced at Haven; she was trying to suppress a grin, but her dancing eyes told me how much she was enjoying what he was saying.
“If you don’t feel like that, then you shouldn’t marry her,” Jake said, taking a seat on the barstool opposite Haven.
“But not everyone’s like you, Jake. What happens if I never feel like that about anyone? I mean, it hasn’t happened so far for me. And it only happened to you and Haven because you started working together. Emma would be a good choice, in a lot of ways. She’s a good girl.”
“I get it, but you have to figure out whether you’re prepared to settle. From what you’re saying, she’s just not the right girl for you.” Haven prodded Jake’s shoulder in semi-chastisement. “I’m not saying she’s not a great girl. I have no idea—I’ve only met her a few times. All I’m saying is if you’re not wanting to frog march her down the aisle then she’s not right for you.”
I took another swig of beer. I couldn’t believe I’d ever want to march down the aisle with anyone. “We get on. I’ve been with her a long time.”
“Jesus, if you have to talk yourself into marrying her then something’s not right.” Jake said. “You’d be desperate to get married if she was the right one.”
I wasn’t sure it was as easy as Jake seemed to think. I got that he adored Haven, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but honestly, I didn’t think it worked that way for most people.
The intercom buzzed and Haven went to answer it.
I picked at the label on my beer bottle.
“You don’t need to be a shit to her about it,” Jake said. “You know the answer, and if she isn’t what you want, then you deserve to let her go and find someone else who wants her in the way she needs.”
My heart was tight at Jake’s words. His reaction hadn’t been what I expected. I’d thought he’d tell me how great being married was and how I should do it. I guess I was hoping he’d help me see the upside, because on my own? I was struggling. It wasn’t that he wasn’t making sense—that was the problem, he made it all very clear. I didn’t have the urge to marry Emma. And if marriage was what she wanted, maybe I should let her find it with someone else.
“Seriously, dude. If you have to think about it, it’s not right,” Jake said.
Ash greeted us and helped herself to a glass of wine. I watched her as she peered into the fridge. She looked good tonight. Well, she always looked good, but she’d looked better, or different, the last few times I’d seen her. She joined us, sitting between Jake and me on the bar stools, watching Haven doing something with pastry and egg. It seemed kinda unappetizing, but I wasn’t about to tell her that.
“Are you sure you don’t need a hand with anything?” Ash asked, grimacing while she knew Haven wasn’t watching. I snorted, and Haven looked up.
“I’m sure. I’ll be out of your hair in a minute and you can do your thing,” Haven said. “How’s Richard?”
“I met him,” I interjected.
Haven stopped what she was doing, her eyes on mine. “You did?” Her gaze darted between Ash and me. “When? How come?” Haven hadn’t met Richard yet, so she was bound to be wondering why I had.
“I went to see Ash for lunch this week and we bumped into him,” I explained.
“You guys had lunch?” Haven asked. I’d expected her to focus on Richard rather than the fact that Ash and I’d had lunch. A look passed between Haven and Ash I couldn’t decipher. Was Haven pissed I got to meet him first? It wasn’t really her style.
“So, what was he like?” she finally asked.
“He didn’t have two heads.” I decided not to mention that as soon as he appeared, Ash had been out of her chair faster than a bat out of hell. I hadn’t quite worked out what had happened there. Haven rolled her eyes at me. “Well, what do you want me to say?”
“Did you like him?” Haven asked me.
“I met him for five seconds. He could be Gandhi; he could be Charles Manson. But he seemed like a decent guy and Ash has good taste in everything so . . .”
“Is he the one?” Jake asked. “I’m a convert to the theory of there being such a thing as the one.”
“Obviously,” Ash replied.
“Obviously he’s the one?” I asked as my gut twisted. Had Ash found her future husband? It hadn’t occurred to me that that’s what she’d been looking for. If that was the case, I wanted to know more about him. Was he good enough for her? Did he deserve her?