As it so happened, unfortunately none of the footage from my trip to see Paige made it in to the final broadcast at all. I was disappointed, admittedly, as I felt it had gone so well, and I knew she’d be a little sad when I broke the news to her, but, as she herself put it, “I guess that’s showbiz!”
I don’t like to think of it as a whole afternoon wasted, because to me it wasn’t wasted at all. I got the chance to see one of my dearest friends and wish her a happy birthday. That in itself was enough.
Also, on reflection, I recall I’d used a new self-tanning product the night before and had arrived looking slightly over bronzed. One of the first things she’d said to me within minutes of the cameras having started rolling was “Joey, you look orange” – I was mortified!
Then there was the fact they’d somehow persuaded me to sing a solo rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ to Paige while I presented her with her birthday cake and she blew out the candles. Yeah, maybe on reflection it was for the best that scene landed on the cutting room floor…
Afterwards, Mobeen and Jess headed back to the B+B they were staying at and dropped me off back home on the way. Filming was done for the day, but they were due back at our house that evening at 7.30pm, to shoot me preparing to go on cam, and then the inevitable – me actually putting on a cam show! I tried to push that thought to the back of my head. It was just a part of what I’d signed up for and something I had no choice but to go through with now.
My cam shows – though I often drew in a lot of viewers, were usually quite intimate (along with sleazy, kinky, and occasionally borderline disgusting…)
The space in which I cammed wasn’t massive, but it was big enough for me to manoeuvre my way around in and have access to everything I needed. I worried how that was going to work with the presence of two others, both carrying heavy duty cameras there also.
There was so much going through my head. I popped a few anti-anxiety tablets to take the edge off and tried not to think of it, but couldn’t help myself from watching the clock tick by. 7.30pm was drawing nearer and nearer…
Obviously not every cam show I prepare for gets filmed for television but I definitely try and stick to something of a routine in the run up to hitting that ‘Broadcast’ button, and I think every performer should.
I own a home sun bed and use that – or visit a tanning salon, at least 3 or 4 days a week. I know how bad this is for your skin in the long run and I’m certainly not recommending it for its health benefits, but it helps me unwind, and gives my naturally pale skin a bit of a glow in preparation for my fake tan application.
Fake tan is my secret weapon to looking my best on cam, and I’ve now got my routine pretty much down to a tee…
Firstly, I take a long exfoliating bath the evening before I plan on applying it, to scrub away at any dead skin cells and make sure I’m all fresh and clean. I also use a face mask once a week (usually a deep exfoliating one, as fake tan tends to get stuck in my pores) – and then send whatever facial stubble I’ve acquired by then (bar the moustache… the moustache stays!) drifting away down the sink.
The following morning I’ll get naked (Shock! Horror!) and apply the ‘Cocoa Brown’ 1 hour dark tan mousse (it comes in a bright pink bottle and they sell it in ‘Superdrug’), using gloves and a tanning mitt – starting at my feet and working my way upwards, in circular motions. When I’m finished tanning up to my face (I suggest using a set-up that involves two mirrors so you can see from behind how things are looking as well), I take off my gloves and squeeze a tiny blob of the mousse on to the front side of one of my hands. I’ll then rub the backs of both the front of my hands together, down to the fingertips so they’re both evenly covered – then fix any patchy areas using make up pads (the dry ones meant for cleansing) to dab the tanning mousse over any remaining white bits.
Next I’ll stick my Union Jack onesie on and lounge around the house for 3 hours (you can wash it off after 1 hour but 3 tends to give a deeper tan, and I like to look as dark as possible), before rinsing it off in the shower.
Though I still don’t stick to what most would consider a regular camming schedule, I do tend to put on most of my performances in the evening. If I know I’m likely to be camming that evening I’ll try and eat as light as possible throughout the day and shower and douche – VERY important if you’re a guy who offers anal play as part of his bag of tricks, unless you’re trying to cater specifically to the scat crowd! I do all of this a couple of hours prior to broadcasting to ensure I’m thoroughly clean everywhere that matters.
Once I’ve selected which outfit I’m going to wear that particular evening and which accessories I’m going to team it with I’m good to go. If I’m wearing one of my wrestling singlet’s I’ll sometimes rub baby oil over my shoulders and biceps before I begin to bring out any muscle definition, and then it’s just a case of setting up my lighting and choosing a good angle (all things I’ve gone over in Tip #5)
As for body hair, I like to remain fairly hairy, but probably have a good clipper trim over my stomach and chest hair once every couple of months so it doesn’t get too out of control. I trim my pubes and shave my ball sack in the shower at least once a week.
I was to-ing and fro-ing over the silliest of little things – whether to wait till Mobeen and Jessica had arrived before taking a shower, or doing so before they got here. Showering was obviously a big part of getting ready, but I didn’t know if they were likely to want a shot of me maybe leaving the shower with wet hair before proceeding to dry it, or something of that nature. That’s the thing with TV people, even if they don’t use half the shots – which they don’t; they still want to capture them, just in case. I was trying to be two steps ahead of them, so I was prepared at every turn.
In the end though, at about 7.15 I thought ‘Fuck it!’ – and decided I’d shower right then and there. As I hopped out the shower, threw on some pyjama bottoms and a hoody (my usual choice of attire before stripping down to fetish lingerie or going nude) and started to dry my hair, I heard our dog Sooty barking relentlessly downstairs, in a way that could only mean one thing – we had visitors. Jessica and Mobeen were here.
I hurried downstairs to greet them.
“Hey guys!” I said.
Both my mum and dad were home and Jess and Mobeen were standing in the corner of the kitchen, again loaded up with rucksacks full of equipment, making small talk with my parents – slightly awkward when you consider the fact that they’d be filming me naked in the outhouse in just under an hour!
“Hello,” said Jess.
“Hi Joseph, how are you doing?” asked Mobeen.
“Good thanks, you?”
“Brilliant,” he replied.
“You alright Jess?” I asked.
“I’m great thanks Jo.”
Mobeen turned to address my parents.
“I’m thinking if you guys don’t mind, would it be OK to leave our bags and some of our equipment out in the conservatory, and just have a brief chat with Joseph?”
It was my dad he was truly seeking permission from, as he was the man of the house – and it seemed only polite, being as they were strangers in his home.
“Sure, get on with what you need to do,” he said.
“Excellent. Joseph, have you showered?” Mobeen asked.
“Yeah, I just finished before you got here,” I said.
“Brilliant. Right, shall we head to the conservatory then?”