My phone beeped. It was a text message from Steve.
‘I’m outside, just parked up,’ it read.
I called Jess over to the table.
“Just got a text off Steve,” I said. “He’s parked up outside apparently.”
“Brilliant,” she said. “If you’re happy to just wait here while I go and greet him, get him mic’d up and let him know the plan? We’re gonna have you meet on camera I think, is that right Mobeen?”
“That’s right,” he confirmed. “We just wanna capture like a really natural reaction from you guys, so talk about whatever it is you generally would if you were going for lunch together and just try and ignore the camera.”
“Oh you’re easy to ignore Mobeen, you should know that by now,” I teased.
I peered through the window looking out on to the parking bay below and saw Jess approaching Steve. I couldn’t hear what she was saying to him from two stories up, but she led him inside, and he waited beneath us on the stairway between the bike shop and café. Jess scurried over to Mobeen to confer with him a second then came back over to my table to clarify what was going on.
“Right, we’re gonna start rolling in a second,” she said. “So we’ll get a bit of footage of you sat here on your own waiting for Steve to arrive, then either Mobeen or I will give the thumbs up for him to enter and you can just greet each other as usual, and order some food when you’re ready. Sound good?”
“Mmhm.”
“Sweet,” said Jess, scurrying back a few feet to stand beside Mobeen where the camera was set up on a tripod.
Mobeen put on his headphones and started recording. I sat in my designated seat, central to the camera lens and tried my best to act like I was waiting for someone I knew was standing only a few feet below me and to my left to make their appearance. I didn’t even see the thumbs up signal (I was probably too busy twiddling my own thumbs), but I heard the footsteps on the stairs and saw Steve as he approached the top of them. He walked towards me, aware of the camera, but with his back facing towards it, and I got up and embraced him with a gentle hug, and a “Hey! Missed you babe…” before we both took our respective seats opposite one another.
He was wearing a smart blue jumper and dark jeans, and to top it all off? A Burberry cap. He clearly wasn’t taking any chances when it came to being identified by the shape of his cranium alone! I had to stifle a giggle, but all that being said, he did look like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and I knew how difficult this was for him. The fact he cared enough about me to go through with it in spite of how awkward it was says a lot about him as a person.
“So how have you been?” He asked, his tone conversational, his face reading ‘this is fucking weird!’
“Not bad,” I said. “I’ve been busy with camming, as usual.”
“And how’s that going?” he queried.
“Alright,” I replied. “I surpassed my goal twice this weekend so… yeah, it’s going good. What about you?”
“Ah, just getting on with work. I’ve been working from home the last week or so.”
A waitress came over to the table to take our orders. I ordered a second cappuccino and a bowl of mixed fruit porridge, whilst Steve opted for a glass of Coke and a full English breakfast. It was honestly the most I’d ever known him to eat, but it’s important to note that the crew were funding all our food and drink expenses, so fuck it, why not? I’d have ordered something more substantial myself if I wasn’t too wary of my weight, knowing I had a photo shoot the following day.
Much of our subsequent conversation revolved around ticking boxes for the cameras. The fact that we met via camming, how Steve felt about my interactions with other men online, his thoughts on me returning to London having known about my past struggles there, and what the future might hold for us as a couple. All potential topics of interest for the audience of the documentary.
When it was time to move on to the next phase of my journey with the crew I felt a mixture of emotions – on the one hand I was happy it was over and done with, because it meant no more pressure for Steve, but on the other hand I was sad to say goodbye to him, and regretted how little time we’d had together. We shared a cigarette on the outside balcony while Jess and Mobeen packed up inside, but beyond that we had no interaction that day that wasn’t recorded. I assured him I’d keep in touch and let him know how I was getting on in London, and it would only be a week or so before we saw one another again, but it was bittersweet seeing him that day, and with a heavy heart that I said goodbye.
Being a webcam performer and holding down a physical, real life sexual relationship at the same time can be peculiar territory, and though some would advise entirely against the idea of dating anyone who first approached you through camming online, I personally don’t think it’s something you should completely shy away from, or rule out as a possibility.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not in any way suggesting you cam with the intention of hooking up with every guy who proposes it (I politely decline ‘do you wanna meet up?’ requests from total strangers on a daily basis). Keep your wits about you when it comes to meeting up with anyone who first makes contact online, but equally, don’t assume that everybody out there is a predatory creep with ulterior motives.
When I got together with Steve we’d been chatting for a short while prior to meeting up and he made it clear to me from the get go that there were no expectations. We met up initially as friends and honestly, our relationship really just grew from there onwards.
One of the best things about being together with someone who first made contact via my camming chat room is that he knew from day one what my job entailed, so there were never any awkward conversations like “so what do you do for a living?”
Steve has been massively supportive in all of my camming endeavours, even letting me broadcast openly from his place, and helping me out with any technical problems I’ve run in to whilst performing. Although there are times he admits it’s difficult to see me flirting so openly with other guys, there’s a line between business and pleasure, and it’s his bed I’m sleeping in at the end of the night, and he who ultimately gets to share that physical intimacy with me, while others merely pay for a glimpse of my arse on their computer monitor.
As for advice towards anyone entering in to a relationship having not met through camming? Well, it’s certainly not your average run-of-the-mill job, and I can see how a lot of potential partners may be put off by it, but I would never advise anyone to keep it a secret, at least beyond the second or third date.
Honesty and integrity is very important in any relationship, and if you get serious and wish to continue camming then they’re bound to find out sooner or later, so why not just be upfront about it from the start? Who knows, they might surprise you and even want to get involved themselves? And if it repulses them that much, then well at least you know then and there that they’re probably not the one for you!
After saying a rushed and emotional goodbye to Steve, it was back to another round of travelling for me and the team. Mobeen parted ways, to drive back to London, while Jess and I caught a taxi to Bristol Temple Meads Station where we hopped on a train to London Paddington.
I had a little nap early on in the journey whilst we still had a way to go (she leant me her scarf to lean my head on which I thought was a really sweet gesture!), and then it was business as usual.