“I feel like I wanna like, grab the jacket like this,” I said, pulling the fabric in tighter towards me with my elbows outstretched.
“Yeah man, just feel it out,” he said. “These are only test shots, no pressure.”
He took note of my muscular thighs and had me tense them in a way that would highlight them best, and explained, without being patronising in any way, shape or form, a few good positions to aim for when angling my face in order to make the most of the light.
We took some shots of me smoking a cigarette, still in the leather get-up, and I must admit that I rather enjoyed inhaling and exhaling to the beat of Matt’s camera.
“That’s awesome,” he’d say. “Little to the left… yeah that’s looking hot!”
He was so encouraging and made me feel confident and at ease. It hardly felt like work at all. I’d seen his portfolio beforehand and knew what a talent he had for capturing great images, but the other models all seemed to know what they were doing, whereas I was a complete and utter novice. I’d been expecting to come across looking stiff and awkward in every shot, but looking over them with him afterwards at his computer screen, there were very few I strongly disliked, if any at all. For once I wasn’t afraid to admit it, I looked good!
He insisted I was a natural, but I don’t think I could have ever taken those shots without his superb direction.
“Right,” he said stroking his bearded chin. “If we shoot one more outfit? I’ll let you decide which.”
I immediately opted for the backless black and red striped singlet. It was something of my trademark ‘performance outfit’ when camming, and my favourite of all that I’d brought along with me.
“Sometimes I like to take my camera out with me into the streets,” Matt declared. “The lighting’s looking pretty good out there today wouldn’t you say? There’s a few nice spots I know of round here where we could shoot you at for sure, lots of graffiti on the walls, that kinda thing, yeah?”
I stared at him vacantly. Was this a serious invitation?
“So… are you up for that?”
I changed into my singlet, and laughed.
“I can’t go out dressed like this!”
“Sure you can! Just throw some clothes on over the top and when we get to where we wanna shoot you at then you can just slip ’em right off.”
His confidence and ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude was admirable and infectious, I had to admit, but I felt like he’d forgotten that the TV cameras were there, so I looked over to Jess and Mobeen for their approval. We had a two to three hour slot to shoot in and had only been at Matt’s for about 45 minutes, so time wasn’t an issue.
“Alright,” I said confidently. “Let’s do it!”
I quickly put on some comfy jogging bottoms – which looked like fetish wear alone with the glossy black material they were made from, tucked them into my biker boots and threw the jacket I’d rocked up wearing on to cover my top half.
“I think we’re missing something,” Matt said, looking me up and down. “Come with me.”
He led me downstairs and took me over to where there was a collection of flat peak caps displayed on his mantelpiece. He picked out the leather one for me to wear.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“Looks great,” I said, admiring my own reflection in the mirror.
“It does,” he agreed. “Right. I think we’re ready then.”
We stepped outside, chatting casually with one another as Matt sought out ‘the perfect spot’ to shoot at, and Jess and Mobeen raced ahead to capture on film each step of our walk through the central streets of Soho. None of the onlooker’s glares seemed to faze Matt at all. I think he liked the attention we were getting; two alternative looking guys (Matt’s look at least was very much alternative – with his cropped Mohican-strip hairstyle and tattooed neck and arms) strolling around town with a TV crew latched on to us. He took it in his stride.
The remainder of the photo shoot went just as well as the first half indoors had, and working alongside Matt, we were able to get some really edgy looking shots together – even if at times it meant my rear end was exposed to passers by and my nipples got erect in the cold!
I can’t wait to work with Matt again some time in the future. I’ve collaborated with a few photographers since, but out of all of them, he really knew how to get the best out of me. Quick and efficient, he really does have an eye for capturing the perfect shot and is a true professional in every sense of the word.
I was leaving the photo shoot on a high, but it was a sad time for me because it meant I’d also be heading back home to Monmouthshire and saying goodbye to both Jess and Mobeen, who had been by my side the entire time. It was somewhat bizarre to think that we’d only known each other for a matter of days – but even in that short time, working so closely together, they really did feel like family to me.
I’d left London before in many states, few of which I’m proud of – but this time, sitting on the train as it departed from Paddington, I felt just like any other passenger. I wasn’t coming down from a heavy meth binge, nor was I dreadfully hung over or sleep deprived. Though I’d cursed and moaned when my alarm went off that morning, and was nervous that I didn’t have it in me to take a good photo, that Sunday truly was the best day on-set. All the stress of being a part of the documentary was over with, and now I could finally relax.
TEN – Backlash and Betrayal
Returning back home to Monmouthshire after such a hectic time with Jess and Mobeen was like stepping off of a rollercoaster going 100 miles per hour. Although I’d often moaned about the early starts and the amount of scenes that I was required to participate in for the shoot, without someone to hold me to a schedule I almost felt a little bit lost.
I do remember enjoying the freedom though when I first returned to camming a few days after settling back down. There were no pre-performance nerves whatsoever. Instead I was just happy to chat with my regulars, have some fun, and be able to set my laptop up where I wanted it – really making the most of all the space in the room, and not just one small area of it. It truly made me fall in love with and appreciate camming all over again.
It was late December and that meant Christmas was fast approaching, followed by my 23rd birthday on the 6th January and then my mums 60th on the 10th.
For my mum’s birthday (as it was such a big milestone in her life), we hired a table at a local Indian restaurant with a great reputation, and had her show up under false pretences for a big surprise party! All of our close family who were able to make it were there – my dad, my brother, his girlfriend April, my Nana Edythe and a few of my mum’s dearest friends from work. It was a wonderful evening.
On top of all that there was lots more cause for celebration – my brother James was due to be a dad in May, and April’s bump was growing bigger and bigger each time that I saw them! It really was a special time for the two of them – their first child together, and naturally I was thrilled for them both, as were the rest of the family.
With all of the family celebrations going on, the whole experience of taking part in ‘Webcam Boys’ seemed almost like a distant memory already. That was, until the show had an official broadcast date, February 3rd, and TV guides began to promote it. I was first made aware of it when Paige had tagged me in a Facebook post with an accompanying photograph (one from the Matt Spike photo shoot) followed by a short summary of the upcoming show in ‘What’s on TV’.