I sent a lengthy reply explaining that London would have essentially been the death of me, and that I didn’t feel I was harming anyone by doing what I do.
Let’s take a step back and think about this seriously for a moment. Who are the people that fund my career? Other people’s brothers, sons, uncles, fathers and grandfathers… I wouldn’t earn a dime if it wasn’t for them tipping and paying my way. And if I’m making them happy while I’m at it, whilst keeping myself out of danger, then where’s the harm in that?
I later learned that some of the neighbour’s gripes with the show were in how much of the village was displayed, particularly houses which could be seen in the background of the ‘tyre swing’ segment.
If there’s one thing I’m slightly irked by (aside from the ‘shed’ label – not letting that one go), it’s how much of my location was revealed in the final edit. You could quite easily establish exactly where I lived, right down to the house number, from the clues shown in the documentary, and that I felt let down by – particularly as my one request was for my location to remain as secretive and anonymous as possible.
I can understand how neighbours with children might feel upset or endangered by this, and all I can do is apologise. Though I didn’t self direct the documentary and had no say in what was eventually screened, I take full responsibility for agreeing to take part, and can do nothing more than say sorry to anyone that felt pissed off by that; believe me, I did too.
Nobody likes reading or hearing hateful comments about themselves, least of all me. But I knew from the get go when I started my career as a webcam performer that it was part of the territory, and something I was going to have to endure – even more so when it came to taking part in the documentary.
But guess what? Never in my life have I felt more liberated now that the truth of what I do is out there for everyone to see. Coming out as gay was never as big of a deal for me as coming out as a cam boy was, but I have very few regrets about the way I handled it. People know what it is I do now. If they accept it that’s fantastic, and if they don’t? Well, it’s probably because I’m earning more money than them (haha!) or they just don’t understand it. It’s really helped me sift through who’s important in my life and who isn’t. Saying that, I don’t wish any harm upon my family and do hope to rebuild some of those bridges I may have unintentionally burned. But I understand that sometimes people need time to come around to things that aren’t considered ‘the norm’ in society, and I’m willing to give them that.
All that said, I think I’m pretty qualified to offer up a few final tips on dealing with negativity and criticism, both in a general sense and in that of the camming world, so here’s what I’ve got…
Remain Calm when responding to negative comments online – it’s all too easy when someone throws shade your way to react in an aggressive manner as a means to defend yourself, but often the worst thing you can do is rise to the bait and add fuel to the fire by arguing back right away. Anyone that leaves hateful comments is 9 out of 10 times looking for a reaction from you, so why provide them with it? Stay cool, calm and collected and take the time to process their criticisms and come up with a well thought out response if you feel the need to. Better yet, just don’t respond at all. Trust me, that’ll really piss ‘em off!
Understand that no matter what, you can’t please everyone – This applies to both the world of webcamming, and ‘real life’ as it were. There will always be someone who dislikes you, or what you’re doing. Whether that’s because it goes against their moral principles, because they hold a grudge over something you’ve said or done in the past, or simple old fashioned jealousy. If these are people that are important to you (in my case, family) then it’s most definitely worth at least trying to talk things over and see eye to eye, but in the case of total strangers, or people who seem to find fault in everything you do, fuck it! Life’s too short to waste your time on them. They’re obviously unhappy with whatever’s going on in their own lives, so feel the need to take it out on someone else. I’ve been dealing with these kinds of people since school. They have a name-bullies. Don’t let yourself be their punching bag. Distance yourself and have as little to do with them as is humanly possible.
Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re wrong – For some, I know, this can be a bitter pill to swallow, but we aren’t all perfect, and sometimes even the best of us make mistakes. Lord knows I’ve made more than my fair share over the years. It takes a fair amount of guts and a strong person to own up to their flaws and admit that they were wrong, but never be afraid to apologise if you feel you are, or were in the wrong. Anyone with a shred of decency will have a lot more respect for you as a person as a result of it. Not all criticism is bad; and try not to turn a blind eye to anyone offering it in the way of constructive advice. Not everyone is out to get you. Don’t let the past define you, and focus on the future and bettering yourself as best as you can. In essence, learn from your mistakes.
ELEVEN – The dust begins to settle
A day after the backlash I received from my appearance on ‘Webcam Boys’ I was given the opportunity to write a piece for ‘Gay Star News’ under the title – ‘I don’t care who judges me – why I’m proud to be a Webcam Boy!’ – The title was defiant, to say the very least, but there were things I needed to get off my chest and clarify, for the sake of my own sanity if nothing else.
I’m not going to repost the whole thing here but here’s a few extracts which I feel do me justice…
‘In a virtual world where I quite often can’t even see the men I’m performing for, I feel as though the webcam offers me a source of protection. Unlike escorting, there’s no chance of being pinned down or overpowered by a guy, or potentially turning up for an out-call and finding myself in the home of an ill-intentioned sadist. There’s no ‘block’ button in real life like there is online, and I’m in charge…’
‘My parents are fully aware of what I do and while I don’t think that realistically it’s what anyone would want their child to be doing, they’ve kind of just grown to accept it for what it is. Other more distant family members have expressed in no uncertain terms that they’re ashamed of me for putting myself and my body out there so publicly, for potentially the whole world to see and judge. But I think a lot of sex workers are misunderstood and people need to stop being so close-minded…’
‘My response to any and all of my critics is that if they don’t like what I’m doing then they don’t have to watch. Nobody’s forcing them. I, for example, have no interest in sci-fi, so why would I sit through Star Trek? I wouldn’t. It’s exactly the same in principle…’
I might have been angry at the time, but I do believe I got my point across loud and clear (though again, I’m not naïve enough to think that all of my critics will have read it, or agreed), and reading it back even now, there’s absolutely nothing that I regret writing in that particular article.
I haven’t received any hate mail in over a month now (touch wood!), and instead am inundated with support from my fans, both new and old, who all seem to have a new found respect for me after doing the documentary. Going into it, I was worried I might lose a few of my regulars, if they saw that the reality of my life wasn’t quite as glamorous as I’d made it out to be at times, but fortunately that hasn’t been the case at all!