“Anyone home?” Aunt Cadence’s voice came from the family room, interrupting my thoughts.
“In here,” Mama called. She had already worked the dough, and now stirred a white sauce for whatever she was cooking for lunch.
Aunt Candace entered the kitchen carrying a couple of grocery bags. “I should have guessed you would be here.” She put the bags on the kitchen table. “Everything okay in here?”
“Yes, but you can get started on the cake.” Mama pointed to the ingredients already stacked in a corner of the counter.
“Good morning.” Uncle Turner entered the kitchen with more bags in his hands. “Jessica, I’m so glad to see you.” He left the bags on the table with the others and approached me with open arms.
I dropped the knife and hugged him. “Hello, Uncle T.”
He pulled back and looked at me. “Oh my, what a wonderful young woman you’re turning out to be. Just like all the women in this family.” He winked at his wife and she chuckled.
It was a pity I couldn’t say he looked good too. Like Aunt Cadence, he had gained some weight and his mustache was fuller, longer, but his hairline had receded half an inch at least.
Aunt Cadence shook her head. “Quite the charmer.”
“As always.” I picked up the knife to keep chopping. “What are the bags for?”
“Well,” Aunt Cadence said, “since we’re always eating here and having your mother bake cakes and cookies and even full meals for us, I bring the ingredients every now and then.”
That was actually nice of her. I watched them for a moment: Mama cooking, and my aunt and my uncle putting the groceries inside the cabinets in the right places. They didn’t step in each other’s way or crossed arms here and there. Total synchrony. I had forgotten how much they worked well together.
I went back to chopping vegetables until I heard the engine outside the house. The knife fell from my hand and cut my palm. I hissed and Mama ran to me.
“Jessica,” she said, as if my name could solve everything and mend the cut. She held my wrist and pulled me to the sink. Aunt Candace and Uncle T. already hovered over us. “What happened?”
They were used to that engine reeving. I had conditioned myself to forget it. When I heard it again, so close, I panicked.
“I got distracted,” I lied.
The cut was superficial, but plenty of blood had spilled on my tee, and plenty of pain made me clench my teeth and hiss some more.
“I’m going to get antiseptic and gauze.” Mama dried her hands on a towel and left the kitchen.
Aunt Cadence wrapped a paper towel around my hand. “Hold this until your mother comes back.”
“I should go upstairs too.” I gestured toward my tee. “To change this.”
I squeezed a paper towel against my palm and exited the kitchen. While upstairs, I could grab some ibuprofen too.
The engine revved again, closer, and I jumped, almost knocking over a side table and the lamp on it.
“Jesus Christ,” I grumbled.
No running now. I took a deep breath and prepared myself. Be brave. Be brave. I heard the footsteps on the porch, and saw the knob turning and the door opening.
My brother stepped into the house, Luna trailing behind him. His eyes found mine, and he stopped, one hand still on the knob, the other holding his bike keys.
He looked the same. Tall, not too large, but he had been working out since I was a little kid. He had the same dark blue eyes I had, but the blond of his hair was a shade or two lighter than mine, and it was cut short.
I gulped down the sad memories clogging my throat. “Hi, Jason.”
He closed the door. “Hi.”
“I thought you knew I was coming.”
He took two steps toward me. “I knew. It just wasn’t easy to believe. It has been four years.”
“Almost four years.”
His eyes looked up and down at me, not in a creepy way, just a big brother being overprotective of his little sister. “You look beautiful.” Then his gaze fell on my palm and the bloodied paper towel. He rushed to me and cradled my hand in his. “What happened?”
My eyes filled with tears. Almost four years without seeing or hearing each other and he reacted as he always did. He cared for me. There was only once, during one weekend, when he didn’t care about my feelings or me.
I stepped back, pulling my hand from his. “I was helping Mama in the kitchen and cut myself. Nothing much.”
His shoulders sagged. “I assume I’m not forgiven.”
“You assume right.” I heard footsteps approaching the stairs and added in a whisper, “I’m only enduring you because of her.”
“Here it is!” Mama exclaimed, coming into the living room. “Oh, I thought you were in the kitchen.” As she unwrapped the gauze and opened the antiseptic, her eyes shifted from Jason to me then back to Jason. “How was the trip?”
He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Good.” Jason turned to the stairs. “Do I have time to shower before lunch?”
“Yes,” Mama said. “We won’t be done for another hour.”
He nodded, patted Luna’s head, and ran up the stairs. Of course, the dog followed him.
Silently, Mama cleaned my palm with the paper towel, sprayed the antiseptic on the cut, and wrapped a thin layer of gauze around my hand.
When she was done, she held my hand. “I don’t know all of the details of what happened, but I know Jason is not guilty and you shouldn’t be mad at him for so long.”
I got free from her hold. “Like you said, you don’t know all the details.”
“Honey, look at your father and what’s happening to him. It was so sudden. We never know what tomorrow may bring. I don’t want to see my son and daughter avoiding each other for the rest of my days.”
I closed my eyes. “Please, Mama, don’t …” Another bike engine roared from the street, and I jumped again. “Jesus Christ.”
“It’s just Luke and Lindsey,” Mama said, before turning and walking into the kitchen.
A couple of seconds later, Lindsey entered through the front door. “Hi! What happened to your hand?”
I waved with the bandaged hand so she would see it was nothing. “A small cut.” She closed the door behind her. “Where’s Luke?”
“Oh, he’s forbidden to come here, so he dropped me off and is on his way to Sophie’s house.”
Great. Well, good that he was doing as I asked and staying away, but I felt bad for keeping him from the family. I was the one interrupting their routine. I was the outsider. And knowing this fact hurt more than I would ever admit. After all, leaving had been my choice.
Lindsey looped her arm through mine, a casual smile on her pretty face as if this Saturday was a regular Saturday in her life. “The smell is delicious. Let’s see what’s for lunch.”
***
Lunch was odd, to say the least. Everyone was careful with what he or she said or did. Especially Jason. I could see Mama dying to ask details of the bike show, but she didn’t. Because of me.
All of this shit, all the awkwardness, all of the stilled politeness was because of me, because they were afraid of what I would do.
Afterward, Mama served tea at the back porch table.
“It’s nice that you’ve been helping your mother with all the baking stuff,” Aunt Cadence said, adding sugar to her tea.
“Yes, but I’m not nearly as good as her.” I sat on the swing beside Lindsey. “And it’s not something I can say I enjoy doing.”
“Better than having nothing to do,” Lindsey said. “School has been out for only a couple of weeks, and I’m already bored. I am thinking about getting a job this summer. Part time, of course.”
Aunt Cadence raised her teacup to her daughter. “That is a great idea.”