She stopped by the fence, knowing her demise was coming, but just as I was about to close my arms around her, she used the wet grass to skid away, ducking under my arms.
She yelped and giggled again. “I didn’t think that would work.”
I laughed. Her happiness was contagious. She was contagious. All of her.
My laughter faded and my smile was gone. I marched to her, determined not to let her escape this time. I backed her against the fence again, and this time, when she tried to duck past me, I was prepared. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. I trapped her wet, glorious body between the fence and me.
Her laughter died as her eyes met mine. I saw as her pupils dilated, as desire shone in her blue eyes. I crushed her mouth with mine and she moaned, making it hard not to push her about sex.
Shit. I bumped my forehead against the wheel, hoping the pain would help me stay in the present. I was holding it together by a breath, and it was too hard for me. I wouldn’t be able to take much more of it.
She had been the best part of my life, and I had blown it. I lost her, I drove her away from me, and I had suffered for it. Suffered too much.
My fingertips found the scars on my neck and on my chest. I had had so many cuts, but thankfully not all of them left marks. These scars were the reminders of my mistakes, of what I had done and couldn’t fix.
My cell phone rang, and I turned the volume down before answering it.
“Hey, man.” Jason’s voice came through the line. “Luke, Ethan, and I are going to ride a bit. We’re thinking of going to Charlotte, and making a lap around there. Are you up?”
Soon, it would be the fourth anniversary of the abandonment of my bikes. I still had both of them. I still cared for them, cleaned them, fixed them, but I hadn’t rode them, or any other bike. Jason knew my answer, but I was glad I still had a friend who tried to pull me up from my own shit every now and then.
“Thanks. I think I’ll just go home. Maybe I’ll stop by my parents’. B likes it when I have dinner with them.”
“You’ll spoil that sister of yours.”
“I hope so.”
Jason sighed before returning to the main topic. “Ryan, it’s been a long time. You should at least try to get over it.”
I took a deep breath and leaned back in the seat. “I just saw your sister. Actually, we even spoke. Two sentences, I guess, but still.”
“What? How come?”
“Apparently, she got a job at Alan’s office and he’s the sponsor of the Habit for Humanity site I’m working at. She came to talk to the supervisor.”
I could picture Jason pacing wherever he was. “How was it?”
“I’m not sure.” She had looked pissed, sad, but most of all, she wanted to stay away from me. “Bad, I think.”
“And how are you about this?”
“Bad.” A sad chuckle escaped my lips. “Quite frankly, I never thought I would see her again. And it hurts.”
“Ah, man. Okay, you know what? I’m gonna call the guys and we’re gonna meet at The Pub and drink some beers, play pool, throw some darts.”
Why did my friends care so much? I was a bad influence. They shouldn’t want to be with me. I sighed. “I appreciate the offer, but you don’t want my company right now. Go ride with the guys, and we’ll go to The Pub tomorrow. Okay? Bye.”
I turned the cell phone off before Jason could say anything else.
I wasn’t good company right now. I wasn’t good company ever.
Chapter Seven
Jessica
I stared at the big flower bouquet on the dining table. Beautiful pink lilies and, among them, a bright red card in the shape of a heart. It was here when I arrived home from work. With a big smile, Mama told me the delivery guy brought it that morning.
I tried throwing them away, but Mama wouldn’t let me.
“Don’t you dare¸” she said. “Even if you don’t like this Gavin, I won’t let you throw away such beautiful flowers.” She tended to them as if Papa had given them to her on their anniversary. “Besides, he must really like you.”
But I didn’t like him. And it hurt me, the fact that I had unknowingly made him fall in love with me. If I had paid attention, I would have noticed it and I would have put an end to our relationship much sooner.
After dinner, Mama made me promised I wouldn’t do anything to the flowers. Only after I agreed did she retire to her bedroom.
I slouched on the couch, my feet on the coffee table, and texted Kristin. I was past midnight, but I knew she was a night owl.
Me: Gavin sent flowers.
Kristin: Really? That’s cute.
Me: No, not cute. That’s wrong. He’s supposed to forget me.
Kristin: But he’s in loooooove.
Me: Keep that up and I won’t text you for the rest of the summer.
Kristin: Okay, okay, I’m done.
After a minute, she sent another text.
Kristin: Did he send a card?
Me: Yes. It says, “I miss you. Love, Gavin.”
Kristin: Aw, that’s cute.
Me: Kristin!
Kristin: Okay, okay.
My phone’s screen change from the text app to Gavin’s picture and the ring of my phone filled the room.
Me: He’s calling.
Kristin: Then answer.
Me: I don’t know what to say to him.
Kristin: Just thank him for the flowers.
I could do that, right? I could be polite and thank him for the flowers. Nothing else. If he tried talking about us, I could steer the topic back to safe waters.
Just as I made up my mind to answer, the ringing stopped.
I let out a long breath, part of me relieved and part of me feeling guilty for being so bitchy. Damn, it wasn’t my intention. If I had known how deep his feelings were …
Frustrated, I shot up, burst into the kitchen, grabbed a cracker packet and the jar of honey, and sat at the table. If I was going to be irritated, better with lots of sugar in my veins.
I let some honey drip onto a cracker and took it to my mouth, but froze when I saw the back door open. It was late and the house was dark. Jesus, what if someone had broken in?
I scrambled to the porch and found Jason seated on the swing with Luna, looking at the stars.
“What are you doing up at this hour?” he asked.
After grabbing my honey and crackers from inside, I sat on one of the chairs around the wooden table. “What are you doing here at this hour? It’s Friday night. Aren’t you supposed to be out and about?”
He shrugged. “I’m getting too old for that.”
I laughed. “Yeah, right.”
His head tilted and his eyes narrowed at me. “You just laughed.”
I closed my mouth and spread honey on a cracker. “And? I can’t laugh?”
“Well, I’ve been home for a week and you’ve been avoiding me. We’ve barely exchanged a few words.”
“Let’s say I’m kinda tired of avoiding everyone.”
He scratched under Luna’s ear while she snored loudly. “So tell me about your life in Cleveland.”
“It’s boring really.”
He smiled and, even in the dark, I could see the shine of his eyes. “I want to know about my little sister. Please, tell me.”
Mad or not, he was still my big brother and I did miss talking to him.
I sighed. “I’m going into my third year of architecture, and I’m pretty happy about it.”