“That sounds like her.” This time, I smiled as a few fond memories flooded my mind. She had irritated me senseless, but she had also been the best thing that ever happened to me. And I blew it.
“Ryan, hm.” Jason ran a hand over Luna’s shiny coat. “I know you don’t want to hear this now, but be careful. I know I keep saying this town is too small, but if you can, stay away from her. She is my sister and I love her, but look how she affects you.” He gestured to me. “Look at the mess you got yourself into because of her. You don’t want that to happen again.”
I nodded, taking in the weight of his words. He was right. I had to stay far away from her for my sake. “I know.” I sighed. “Goodnight.”
Jason frowned and retreated from the car, pulling Luna with him. “Night,” he said, closing the door.
Without waiting for my friend to run back to his house, I sped off and away from that cursed house.
Chapter Eight
Jessica
In my house’s driveway, Sophie leaned against Rachel’s Mazda and pressed her hands together. “Please, Jess, come with us.”
I fought a smile at her begging figure and shook my head. “No, and you shouldn’t be asking. You know why I won’t go.”
Rachel peeked out the window. “If you’re worried about a certain someone being there, don’t worry. He won’t be there.”
I frowned. They were talking about a bike event. Jason, Luke, and Ethan would be there even if they had to cross the ocean with their bikes. How did they know Ryan wouldn’t be there?
I leaned against the porch. “Why not?”
Rachel and Sophie exchanged a weird look. “He just won’t be, okay?” Sophie said. “We guarantee.”
“Please come,” Rachel insisted.
Even if he weren’t there, the memories would be too strong. Many, many things happened around those tracks.
Back then, on Saturday and Sunday, Ryan, Jason, Luke, and Ethan spent their afternoons at the tracks. Ryan and Luke were serious about it, wanting to follow what they said was their calling. Jason and Ethan loved it, but they knew they weren’t good enough to be successful in the racing world. That didn’t stop them from practicing and racing every now and then.
During the month Ryan and I were together, the girls and I had been at the tracks every minute the guys were there, and when Jason was busy, I sneaked behind the bleachers with Ryan.
Since we had started seeing each other, I knew he hadn’t dated any other girl. How could he when he spent every night with me? I wondered, though, how long he would wait for me, until I was ready to have sex with him. A month? Two months? I was sure that if I waited too long, he would dump me.
Another one of my worries was Jason—my brother and his best friend.
“The girls know about us,” I told him one afternoon. We were behind the bleachers while Jason and Luke had their practice run. He had me pinned against a wall, but when I spoke, he retreated a step.
“And?”
“They think it’s great since we’re all friends now and hang out together anyway.”
His posture visibly relaxed, and he reached for me again. “I think it’s great too,” he whispered, lowering his lips to mine.
“What about Jason?” I blurted out. I didn’t want to be that girl, the one who pressured the guy to meet the family, but the thing was, he already knew my family, and since we were all going out together now, it was getting harder and harder to sneak around with him.
Ryan’s body stilled. “What about him?”
Somehow, Jason found out about our first kiss and had punched Ryan, warning him to stay away from me. But he didn’t, and we had been more careful after that. Nevertheless, I didn’t know how long we would be able to keep this up behind Jason’s back.
“When are you going to tell him?”
Letting out a long breath, he ran a hand through his hair. “Things are great the way they are, don’t you think?”
I did, but it bothered me a little how he was dismissive of letting others know about our relationship.
Once again, I realized that if I had noticed the signs, I could have stopped my heart from falling in love with Ryan. If I hadn’t fallen in love with him, my father and I would be okay, and I wouldn’t have run away. Right now, I would be studying architecture at Clemson or Charlotte. I would come home for every holiday and summer vacation. Rachel, Sophie, and I would still be close, and I would still love pictures and sketching people.
I sighed. “Sorry, I can’t.”
Sophie walked up to me, her eyes kind. “You know, I may be mistaken, but you need some closure. To put the past totally behind you.”
“There’s nothing to close,” I whispered. Unwanted tears burned my eyes. “There was never anything to close.”
She embraced me. “Oh, there was, and you know it.”
Rachel appeared by our side. “I agree. You need to find a way to say goodbye to the past. Maybe going to the tracks will be it. Maybe riding a bike with Luke or Jason.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure what would do the trick. I think only you will know, but I think you need closure.”
Jesus, what was with these girls? They wanted to kill me. Closure meant thinking about the past, reliving it, and I so wasn’t ready for it. In fact, I knew I would never be. Despite the few memories pushing their way to my mind here and there, I just wanted to forget the past.
“I’ll think about it,” I lied.
“Good.” Sophie embraced me again.
Then it was Rachel’s turn. “Call if you need to talk.”
“I will,” I lied again. I hated lying to them. Even though I still loved them, we had grown apart. Things would never be the same. “Have fun,” I called as they dashed to the car.
I waved as the car drove away, then turned on my heels and stormed into the house in search of some honey. I needed a sweets overdose.
***
Ryan
Every two weeks, I had to work at the Habitat for Humanity on Saturdays. I had many, many hours to put in, and if I didn’t work a couple of Saturdays here and there, I would have to keep at this for many more months.
I sighed, examining the alignment of the doorframe I was installing.
Why did I care so much about finishing my hours with Habitat for Humanity when I had no idea what I would do next? Who would hire me? With my fucked-up past, no one. Though, until I finished my hours, I wouldn’t be free. Not of my father at least. He would still pay for my rent, my bills, my food, and I would have to report to him every weekend, to show him I wasn’t getting out of line.
I had to finish this.
But then what?
I reached for the door, leaning against a wall.
There was a time when I wasn’t so sure about my future, but someone was.
On a weeknight, Jessica had sneaked out of her house to go riding with me, as she often did. That day, though, I wasn’t feeling so great. I had had a big argument with my father.
“You’re nineteen,” my father started. “When are you going to grow up? Playing around with bikes isn’t going to pay your bills.”
I had heard that speech many, many times before. And I wasn’t the only one. I knew Jason also heard that same speech from his father.
As much as I fought it, my anger always built up, and instead of being quiet and just ignoring him, I engaged him. I retorted, I yelled, I kicked the air. That day though, he went as far as saying I was a big disappointment.
“Don’t worry,” I barked. “You still have Brianna and Tommy to keep you happy.”
I raced out of the house, slamming the door in the process, and went after Jess. For some reason, when I thought of her, my anger subsided a little.