Sophie snorted, and I couldn’t help but chuckle, imagining the scene in my mind.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t funny. I was shaking, and if it weren’t for Jason and Ryan, I don’t know what would have happened.”
“About that,” Sophie said, her tone malicious again. “I heard you guys have seen each other a few times. How was it?”
“Awkward and painful.” I sighed.
Rachel put her hand on my arm. “Jess, you’ve been through some pretty messed up stuff and, as far as we know, you never talked about it with anyone.”
Sophie set her empty ice cream bowl aside. “Talk to us.”
“It’s not something I like talking about.”
“We know,” Sophie said. “But maybe that’s exactly what you need, to vent about it.”
I played with my ice cream. “I talked to my grandma and also my best friend up there, Kristin.”
Rachel face fell. “Oh. That’s good though, right? I mean, you vented then.”
“I didn’t exactly vent. I just told them the events.” I put my half-eaten ice cream aside. “There isn’t much to vent though. Ryan broke my heart, and my father called me a slut and hit me in front of half the town. It’s done.”
“See, you think there’s nothing to vent about.” Rachel reached for my bowl of ice cream and started eating what I had not. “You need closure.”
That again.
“Yes,” Sophie said. “You should talk to Ryan.”
“Everyone keeps saying that. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember what he did and how that hurt me. Sometimes I even think he only remembers me or still knows my name because of my brother.”
Rachel dropped her spoon. “What?”
“You’re kidding, right?” Sophie asked, her eyes wide.
I looked from one to another. “What? No. Why?”
Sophie squinted. “Jason didn’t tell you what happen to him after you left? What he did?”
“Hm, I don’t know what happened, and Jason doesn’t want to tell me,” I said. Rachel exchanged a worried look with Sophie. “You guys are making me nervous. What is it?”
“Why doesn’t Jason tell you?” Rachel asked.
“He says that I should ask Ryan and have him tell me.” I grunted. “As if I would knock on his door and ask him. Besides, I don’t even know where his house is now. Apparently, he’s not living with his parents anymore.”
“He rents an apartment over the abandoned Blockbuster downtown,” Rachel said.
That was a half block from Alan’s company.
“Since when?” Again, they exchanged an odd look, and I clenched my fist around the spoon. “Come on, tell me.”
Sophie sighed. “I would love to tell you like it was juicy gossip, but this is serious. Ryan should be the one to tell you.”
A chill rushed down my spine. Was it that bad that even my girls didn’t want to tell me?
***
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered from the shotgun of Rachel’s car.
Sophie leaned forward between the seats and smiled at me. “I’m glad you’re doing this.”
I fidgeted with my nails, a nervous habit I had since my pre-teens.
Rachel reached over and rested her hand on mine. “It’s going to be okay. Ryan won’t be there.”
“That’s what you keep saying, but I guess I’ll only believe it when I see it. Or don’t see it.”
The slumber party went well last night. We actually went to sleep at five in the morning. Then the sun was up and bothering us, and we moved to my bedroom and slept until noon. Thank goodness, I made my own hours at work. Otherwise, I would already be fired. I went in at one and left at five.
At eight, the girls showed up, inviting me to watch a race. Inviting was actually a nice word for it. They practically hauled me into Rachel’s car. For a moment, I thought they would knocked me out, or tie me and drag me to the damn race.
However, I remembered the girls, Jason, and even Ryan telling me he didn’t ride bikes anymore.
The question was, why? He loved those damn things.
At any rate, I was tired of being holed up at home. I missed my girls and going out and having fun. If for some reason Ryan showed up at the race, I would ask someone to take me home. Simple as that.
Rachel took us down a back road I didn’t even remember existed and parked a good distance from the other cars. “In case the police show up,” she explained.
I shook my head. Gosh, it had been a long time since I had to worry about that. But instead of concern, anticipation filled my veins. I hadn’t realized I missed this feeling, this energy of coming to a race, being in the crowd, betting, cheering, and yelling at the racers.
We walked to the crowd, weaving through colorful, modified cars and bikes, several of them with the trunks open, exposing big speakers and blasting loud music, and lots of people. I recognized several faces and immediately shrank into myself.
Sophie linked her arm with mine. “Don’t do that,” she whispered.
“They probably remember what happened. They will look at me with disgust or pity. I don’t want that.”
Rachel took my other arm. “Forget about them. We’re here to have a good time.”
Closer to the middle, we found Jason, Luke, and Ethan. And no Ryan. Girls milled around them, wanting their attention. I smiled. I had forgotten about that too.
“Jess,” Jason said as we approached him. He pushed past the girls and met us in a few steps. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
I jerked my head toward my girls. “These are the guilty ones.”
He nodded. “I’m glad you’re out.”
I smiled at him. Maybe I could forgive him. “Me too.”
My eyes met Luke’s and he retreated a few steps. Could I forgive him too? My brother and he hadn’t known Ryan and I were together before that “fishing trip,” but they knew I had a huge crush on Ryan, and they had seen Ryan flirting with me.
Maybe I was being too harsh on them.
I had made up my mind to talk to Luke, but before I could get too close, he walked away and disappeared in the crowd.
“Hey, Jess,” Ethan said.
Like the other guys, Ethan had bulked up. His gray eyes were still as breathtaking as I remembered, but his black hair was cut a bit shorter.
“Hi, Ethan. How are you?”
“Doing good. I’m glad you’re back.”
“It’s only for a short while.”
He nodded. “Even so.”
Why wasn’t I mad at him like I was mad at Jason and Luke? He had been with Ryan too. But he wasn’t blood of my blood, that was why. And that was so wrong. I couldn’t let him go with a free pass, and then hold the others responsible.
I sighed.
John, a tall black guy who usually commanded the races, stepped into the bed of a truck. “Good evening, friends,” he shouted. The chatter stopped and the volume of the music lowered. “The first racers, please, take your places.”
Luke and two other guys I didn’t recognize stopped their ninja bikes behind the white line on the road. By the look of it, the line had been painted minutes ago by a tipsy someone.
They pulled their helmets down and turned the handles, making their engines roar. Adrenaline rushed through me and I smiled. Damn, I had really missed this.
“Ladies,” John called. “Do your thing.”
Two girls wearing tiny jean shorts, tight tops, and hooker heels stepped in front of the bikes holding a black and white checkered flags. I could imagine Caryn doing this. It would be her thing. Anger seeped into me, but I focused on the adrenaline. I wouldn’t let that bitch ruin this for me.
With come-and-get-me smiles, the girls raised the flags.
“On your marks,” John said. The girls counted from five to one, then lowered the flags. “Go!”
The bikers zipped passed the girls, making their hair fly with the rushing air, and went straight down the road.
“The course is still the same?” I asked.
“Yes,” Sophie said. “They go for half a mile on this road, make a loop on the next three roads, and come back.”