She kept on walking, like a drunk model on a wobbly catwalk, until she reached the bar. She squeezed between Ryan and Ethan—I didn’t know he was here—making sure her body brushed against Ryan’s.
Nausea rolled in my stomach.
I turned my face to the band, but I didn’t actually see the young guys on stage. All I saw was those damn pictures in that damn photo album.
“She’s such a bitch,” Rachel said.
“I know.”
I tried not looking back, but I guess I was a masochist. I wanted to suffer.
Still leaned on the bar, Caryn sipped a red drink. She was now facing Ryan, her pouting lips and her batting eyes turned to him. A mix of jealousy, disappointment, and rage swam inside me.
She reached to him and ran her fingers over his chest. With furrowed brows, Ryan snatched her hand and shoved it back at her. He said something to her through gritted teeth. She stared at him with wide eyes and a hanging jaw. Ryan took a shot from behind him, downed it, and then stepped away from Caryn.
He halted when his eyes met mine. The knot in his forehead deepened, and his lips pressed into a thin line. My cheeks burned, and I snapped my head back to the stage. Again, I didn’t actually see the band up there, but I pretended I did.
“Ryan can’t stand Caryn,” Rachel said. She bobbed her head to the beat of the song. “Since you left, she’s been trying to get together with him, but he simply shuns her. Sometimes, he’s even rude to her.”
I frowned at her. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I thought you would like to know that.”
“And why is that?”
“The way you were just looking at them. At Ryan. You can lie to my face all you want. I know the truth now.”
“The truth?”
“That you still like. … No, that you still love him.”
“W-what? That’s crazy.”
“See? You’re doing it again. Lying to my face. And the worst part? Your eyes, your voice, they betray you.”
“I’m not lying!”
She laughed. “I should get mad, but I won’t. You know why? Because I don’t think you’re actually aware of your feelings. You think you’re only mad at him, scarred by him, that what you feel is because you two have unresolved issues, but it’s more than that. You still love him.”
“You’re crazy,” I said. Wanted or not, Rachel put my mind to work. What if she was right? What if I wasn’t only mad at him and scarred about what he had done? What if I wasn’t just attracted to his beauty and his hot body? What if there was more? “I can’t be in love with him,” I muttered.
“Okay, before you give yourself a heart attack or an aneurysm, forget what I said. Sleep on it, and think about it tomorrow. Meanwhile, we’re going to have fun.” Rachel picked up my empty bottle from the table and tsked. “But first, I’m going to get us some drinks.”
She jumped off the stool and weaved to the bar.
Her words stayed with me though. You still love Ryan. That wasn’t true. That couldn’t be true. All I felt was sadness, anger, and a bit of lust. I mean, come on, the guy was hot. It was hard to look at him and not feel anything. But that was all. There was no love there, nothing. There couldn’t be.
Lindsey nudged me with her elbow. “Earth to Jessica?”
I shook my head and looked at her. “Yes?” Their friends—and the guys flirting with them—were gone. “Where’s everyone?”
“After my brother played the enraged ape, everyone got tense,” Brianna said. “It didn’t take long for them to leave.”
“Sorry,” I said.
She shrugged.
Rachel came back with two beer bottles. “What’s with all the gloomy faces?” She handed me a bottle. “Are y’all sulking?” Rachel grabbed my hand and pulled me off my chair. Then she reached for Lindsey.
“What are you doing?” Lindsey asked.
“No gloomy faces around here. We’re going to dance.” Rachel grabbed Brianna next. “We’re beautiful young women who are going to have a great time.”
At first, we were reluctant, but by the time we hit the dance floor, the band started playing a faster-paced ballad, and with Rachel’s excitement, and Lindsey and Brianna’s giggles, it was easy to get lost in the moment.
I danced, but it wasn’t like the old days. When I was young, I loved to dance. The dance floor was my second home. But since leaving Lexington, things had changed. I had changed. The events with Ryan changed me, and I was never the same carefree girl again.
Noticing my hesitation, Rachel bumped her hip on mine. “Where’s that fiery girl who nobody could make stop dancing?”
Good question. Where was she? Could I still be that girl? Could she just be dormant inside me and in need of awakening? I closed my eyes and let the song envelope me. The beat carried through my body, energizing my core. I took a deep breath and let go.
I raised my arms above my head and moved my hips and shuffled my feet like I hadn’t done in four years.
“That’s more like it!” Rachel winked.
The four of us danced the next two songs as if nobody was watching. Until I spun around and met Ryan’s eyes. Now sitting at our table, he stared at me and his whole being screamed tension. His arms were folded over his chest, his jaw popped every two seconds, and his eyes … oh, his eyes weren’t only rough. There was more to it, but I couldn’t name it, because once I named it, there was no going back.
I averted my eyes and turned back to the girls. My mojo was gone, but I didn’t stop dancing.
Several guys had gathered around us. Some were bold and tried dancing with us. Rachel and I kept the girls safe.
Hands landed on my hips, and I stepped forward and away. I whirled around, intent on lashing out at the drunk who dared touch me.
“Noah?” I asked.
He smiled at me. “Let’s dance.”
Hmm, hell no. “We’re trying to have a girls’ night out, Noah. Maybe another time.”
I started turning my back to him, but he grasped my elbow and pulled me against him. “Come on. Just one dance.” His breath reeked of alcohol.
I pushed against his shoulders. “I said no.”
His hand dug into my skin, hurting. “You can’t dance that way and—”
“Let her go.” Ryan’s voice was harsh, cold.
Noah glanced at him and shook his head. The guy was drunker than I first thought. “I called dibs on her, Ryan. Go find some other girl to take home.”
Ryan’s face reddened—pure rage. Pulling his arm back, he stepped toward Noah. “You sick bast—”
Jason, Luke, and Ethan appeared behind Ryan, their arms around his shoulders and waist.
“Whoa, whoa!” Noah swayed.
“Calm down, Ryan,” Jason said. His voice was even, but his eyes had murdered Noah at least three times already.
Ryan struggled against his friends.
“Ryan, you can’t fight,” Luke said.
Ethan squeezed between Ryan and Noah. “Remember. Only four months now. Four more months without trouble. You can do it.”
Whatever he meant didn’t seem to have an effect on Ryan. He thrashed to get rid of his friends, but the guys kept a good grip on him.
Noah kept on dancing beside me, totally oblivious.
Jason looked at me. “We have to take him home. I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but please, you should consider going home too.” His eyes shifted to Noah for a moment. “If you know what I mean.”
I nodded. The guys dragged Ryan back. He disappeared into the crowd, but not before his gaze met mine once more. His eyes shone with concern and rage.
When they were gone, I pulled the girls away from Noah. He was so drunk that he didn’t even noticed we weren’t around him, and he danced as if he were in a trance.
I tried letting it go again and losing myself to the music and the moment, but the spark was gone. I kept seeing Ryan’s eyes. The lust when I was dancing, then the rage when Noah hit on me.