Ryan
This year, Fourth of July was on a Tuesday. As usual, I had dinner with my family at their house, and endured my father’s sharp words and my mother’s worry. In addition, like any other dinner, it was tense and awkward. Apparently, Tommy had gotten in some shit recently and now Dad was pissed at him too. Not that I wanted him to follow in my footsteps, but it felt good not being the only one not in my father’s good graces.
When I was little, we used to camp outside in the backyard. Mom decorated the porch, the fence, and a small tent. She also cooked a big chocolate cake for dessert, and Dad worked on his famous barbecue.
Later, when it was dark enough, we would light sparklers and Dad let off a couple of fireworks. It was a fun, happy time.
These day, we ate at the inside table, and as soon as dessert was finished, Tommy, Brianna, and I left.
From my parents’ house, I drove to a bridge outside of town to meet the guys. Here, we could see the fireworks in the distance. It was quiet and dark, making it a nice event.
Of course, the main event was actually about bringing more people and beer, and turning it into a party. Fortunately, I had come armed with several cans of Coke.
I stood at the edge of the bridge with Jason, Luke, and Ethan. We had seen Tommy arriving with his friends, then Brianna and Lindsey. Sophie and Rachel and some other girls were across the bridge. I had even seen Gabe around—a guy from North Carolina who usually raced with Luke. But I hadn’t seen Jessica.
By the time the fireworks show had finished, Ethan was gone, probably chasing after the girl he was flirting with. He barely talked about her, and if he had ever mentioned her name, I had already forgotten.
As Luke and Jason chatted about the next race, I leaned against the rail, looking at the stars. After that night under the stars with Jessica, the night she told me I could be anything I wanted to be, I never looked at the night sky the same way. It was like the stars and I shared a secret, as if the night sky knew something about me that no one else did.
Jason leaned on the rail beside me. “What’s up?”
“Nothing.” I glanced over my shoulder. “Where’s Luke?”
“He went to the car to grab a bottle of whiskey.”
“Oh.” Maybe it was time for me to leave. Seeing the guys drinking whiskey while I had to hold back was probably a bad idea.
I looked around, trying to remember where I had parked my car.
“She didn’t come,” Jason said. He must have misinterpreted me and thought I was looking for his sister. “Rachel and Sophie stopped by the house and tried to convince her to come, but since you told her about your past, she’s been quiet. Well, quieter.”
I frowned. “Why?” He shrugged. “I didn’t tell her so she would feel bad about it. I told her because I realized she would find out one way or other. Better if it came from me.”
Jason nodded. “I know.” He tilted his head at me. “Are you okay?”
I chuckled—a sarcastic sound. “Never been better.”
With a hint of pity in his eyes, he placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “You know I’m here for you, man. Whatever the problem is.”
“I know, J-man.” I sighed. However, there was nothing to be done. My problem was with the past, and unfortunately, I couldn’t change it. Neither could I let it go.
Luke showed up with the whiskey bottle. “Dude, it took me a few minutes to find it. I thought I had forgotten it.”
I glanced at the bottle, then at Jason. Comprehension spread across his face.
“Luke, maybe we shouldn’t drink that tonight,” Jason said.
Luke’s face fell, but a second later, he nodded. “Right. Of course.”
“Nah, it’s okay.” I pushed against the rail. “I have to wake up early tomorrow, so I’m gonna go. But you guys should drink that whiskey and have a good time.”
“Ryan, you don’t need to go,” Jason started.
I shook my head. “No, I do.” I wasn’t kidding about waking up early. After all, I had to be at the Habitat for Humanity site at eight sharp. As much as I wanted to stay and drink—Coke—with them, I knew my mood wasn’t great for company. “See you guys soon.”
Jason and Luke smacked my shoulder as I walked past them. The party went on as I walked by. I smiled, but inwardly, I envied them. I still had a wild night here and there, but if I could help it, they happened rarely. Meanwhile, these people could drink and stay out all night long. They could have fun; they could enjoy themselves, guiltlessly.
With a long exhale, I slipped into my Mustang and pulled away before I gave in to temptation and joined them.
***
Jessica
The next two weeks went by in a blur. I immersed myself in my internship, working long hours that weren’t really needed. I left the house early in the morning, and came back for dinner. Jason tried to lure me to talk after the meal, but I retreated to my bedroom.
My mother called a few times, telling me that Papa was awake, but I refused to go. I knew I would have to face him again, but I wasn’t ready for that yet.
On Saturday, the girls camped at my house after family lunch.
“Come on, Jess,” Sophie said, seated on the swing on the back porch.
“It’s going to be fun,” Rachel said. She reached over the table and grabbed one of the caramel cookies Mama had put out for them. “We haven’t gone out just the three of us since you arrived.”
Sophie tsked. “Rach is right. You’ve been here for seven weeks, and we haven’t really been out yet.”
Rachel showed me a fake pout. “In another five weeks, you’ll be gone.”
Gosh, had it been that long already? Longing and despair filled my chest. The idea of going back home made me happy. I couldn’t wait to go back to Cleveland, enjoy my nights with grandma, go out with Kristin, and study architecture. But, at the same time, when I thought about leaving Rachel and Sophie and Mama and Jason and Lindsey and even Luke, my heart squeezed. It would be hard this time.
I shook my head. “I don’t know, girls. I’m really not in the mood.”
Rachel and Sophie exchanged a look.
“Okay, then,” Sophie said. “We’ll stay here. Have a girls’ night in.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Why not?” Rachel asked. “We already know this town and everyone in it. Nothing that we haven’t seen before will happen in one night. Besides, you’re not staying for long. We would rather spend time with you.”
“True that,” Sophie said.
Tears brimmed in my eyes. “You guys are the best.”
***
The girls stayed until four in the morning, and they only left because, according to our neighbors, we were making too much noise, which was true. We made chocolate popcorn, watched a tearjerker movie, and then sat on the back porch and talked—and laughed and yelled—for a long, long time.
“Thank goodness, Ryan told you about what happened,” Sophie said.
“Poor guy,” Rachel said. “He hasn’t been the same since you left.”
Slimy, thick guilt took over my heart. It hadn’t left me by Sunday evening or Monday morning, and it was because of that guilt that I called Mama in the afternoon and asked her to bake a special Devil’s Food cake. After work, I stopped by the house to retrieve it, and then drove back downtown.
I parked the truck behind the Mustang. As I expected, the garage was open and Ryan was leaning over the Harley in the same fashion he was a week ago. Damp hair, bare back, jeans, and boots.
I swallowed. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to come over after all. Before I could chicken out, Ryan turned around and saw me. His eyes widened at first, then narrowed into thin slits. He stood from his crouch as I opened the truck’s door and walked inside the garage.
“Hi,” I said, feeling incredibly lame.
“Hey.” He grabbed a towel from one of his toolboxes and wiped his hands.