She took us into town and to Gibson Pond Park. She stopped the bike a few feet from the water, but we didn’t get off. We stayed seated on the bike, watching as the sun descended, tinting the water with its orange rays.
Once more, the perfection of the moment hit me. Quickly followed by a reminder that this couldn’t go farther, that this couldn’t last.
She had a boyfriend after all.
I dropped my hands from her waist and leaned back, trying to get some distance from her so I could think clearly.
“I had forgotten how beautiful it is out here,” she said, her voice low and simple.
If only the rest of my life was simple. “What are we doing, Jess?”
“Watching the sunset?”
“No, I mean us. Why did you come to my garage and stay with me while I worked? Why did you want to take me riding? What are you trying to do?”
She let out a long breath. “I want us to heal.”
“To heal?”
She pulled her leg over the bike and sat sideways, her eyes falling on mine. “Yes. We need to heal. To let go of the past. To find some closure.”
Let go of the past. Closure. I got off the bike.
“So you’re playing pity party with me so when you get back to Cleveland, you feel better about yourself?”
Her eyes widened. “What? No!”
“Then why bother? You’re leaving soon. You like torturing people?”
“Ryan, what are you talking about?”
“Nothing.” I turned my back on her and started walking down one of the trails.
“Ryan?” she called. I heard her fast footfalls as she ran after me. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going for a walk,” I said, not stopping.
She fell into step with me. “Right now?”
“Yes. I’m walking home.”
“But—”
I stopped and glared at her. “I’m walking home, Jessica. You should take the bike back to Luke.” My tone was harsher than I intended.
She flinched and muttered, “Okay.”
Shoulders sagged, she dragged her feet back to the bike, but I didn’t stay to watch. I resumed my walk, hoping that with each step, a little more of the heavy fog would lift from my mind. I had to regain control over my thoughts. Thinking about Jess, wanting her to spend time with me, thinking about going back to riding and racing, all of these were dreams, dreams that should be buried in the black abyss in my mind, where they had been locked for so long.
Alas, all it took for them to rush back and send a flutter of hope through me was for Jessica to give me her attention.
Fuck, how I liked her attention. How I yearned for it. What I wouldn’t do for more of it.
I shook my head and focused on locking out all the dreams. It would hurt, hurt so much it would make the first time seemed like a tickle to my soul, but I couldn’t wait for Jessica to leave.
***
After a shitty night, Monday was a shitty day. I worked hard, grunting and cursing. At one point, Noah stopped by and stared at me with big, suspicious eyes.
“What did the wall do to you?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I barked.
“Doesn’t look like it,” Noah said. “You’re punishing the damn thing.” I glared at him, a murderous look, I was sure. He shifted his weight and looked at the sky through the window. “The hurricane should hit Charleston tomorrow, and then come into the state. I hope it loses enough strength before hitting town. Otherwise, it might mess up all our work.”
I glanced out the window. A blue sky greeted me, but that didn’t mean anything. The storm could come out of anywhere, with its strong, violent winds. Much like my mood.
The only one able to calm me down was Jessica.
After that night under the stars, when I first told her about my future, I started opening up more.
A week or so after, I parked my car a block from her house, but didn’t come up because I was so upset, so messed up, I was afraid I would pick a fight with her because I wanted to unload on someone, anyone.
I didn’t even know why I had driven to her house. No, wait, I knew. Because I missed her. Even after having spent the previous night with her, I already missed her. But it wouldn’t be fair. She didn’t deserve to see me this way.
I sighed and turned on the engine of the Mustang. It would be the first night in three weeks that I wouldn’t be sleeping in her bed with her, and it would hurt like hell. I was shifting the gear to first when I saw the side gate of her house’s fence opening. She spotted my car two houses away and ran toward me, a smile on her beautiful face.
My heart tightened.
Still smiling, she got in the passenger seat, but her smile died once she looked at me up close. She reached to me and rested her hand on my arm. “What happened?”
Two words. A simple question. A sweet, caring voice behind them.
A lump formed in my throat, and all of a sudden, I couldn’t speak. I tried understanding what was happening, but I couldn’t really process it. I was pissed off out of my mind, and as soon as she batted her beautiful eyelashes at me, I turned to mush, wanting nothing more than to bury my face in her neck, breathe in her wild roses scent, and forget everything.
And that was exactly what I did. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close. “That’s okay,” she whispered in my ear. “Everything will be okay. I’m here and I’ll take care of you.”
Later, she was able to coax me out of my car, and we cuddled in her bed. I didn’t tell her about my fight with my father, about his harsh words, and the way that shame, guilt, and rage swam inside me. I didn’t need to. She knew it and she knew I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
She also knew that her hands caressing my back up and down, her body pressing against mine, her throat humming a nonsense song, and her lips pecking lightly at my face were the best remedy of all.
“Hey, Ryan.” Noah snapped his fingers in front of my face.
I shook away the haunting memories. “Yeah?”
My boss stared at me, his brows furrowed. “I was saying maybe you should go on your break now, before, you know—” He gestured to the wall in front of us. “—you tear the house down.”
I opened my mouth to tell him to go fuck himself, but closed it again, my jaw tight. The guy was right. I needed a break. I took my bandana from the back pocket of my jeans and wiped my forehead.
“Fine,” I snarled, walking past him.
I halted beside my car with no idea where to go or what to do during my break.
Then, something slipped in my mind. Luke was probably at the tracks, training. I hadn’t been there in four years, but for some odd reason, I wanted to go there now. Just to sit there and watch him. I hoped that no other bittersweet memory would creep in on me during the rest of the day.
I slid inside my Mustang and braced myself to see one of my best friends living my dream.
Chapter Twenty
Jessica
When I woke up Thursday morning, Mama was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, Luna circling her, asking for food, but what surprised me was seeing Jason up. He was already dressed as if he had an appointment that early.
“What’s going on?” I asked, sitting across the table from him.
He didn’t raise his eyes from his laptop. “Did you look out the window?”
“Nooo.” I stood, walked to the door, opened it, and gasped. “Oh my …”
The yard was a mess. The storm had pluck out bushes and flowers. The tree house had lost several boards. A part of the fence was broken, and another part was leaning as if it would fall at any moment. The swing on the porch had fallen from its hinges, and the table was upturned.