“Yeah, man.” I forced a chuckle, even though my chest hurt. “Thanks for letting me know.”
“No problem. Uh, if you need to talk about it, you know where to find me.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
I turned off the phone and bumped my forehead on the wheel.
All right, Jessica was coming back. I could deal with it.
All I had to do was stay away from her. Stay the hell away from wherever she would be. It couldn’t be that difficult, could it?
Chapter Three
Jessica
The flight was only three hours long, though it could have been thirty. I wouldn’t have noticed the difference.
I tried reading my book again, but couldn’t finish the first sentence, even after ten or twenty tries. The only thing that seemed to pass the time was my pencil and my sketchpad. I let my mind wander and drew whatever it wanted.
After a few minutes, I realized the landscape taking place on the paper—the center of Lexington Main Square. A memory played inside my mind and my heart beat faster.
In the dark, I had snuck out after dinner and raced to the Main Square. From behind a tree, he stepped into the light of a lamppost, taking my breath away.
“You came,” he said, his usually rough voice laced with a hint of pleasure.
“You asked me to.”
One corner of his lips turned up as he marched to me, his eyes on mine. His presence, his power, his smile, the intensity of his gaze—it was all too much for me. I could have melted in a puddle at his feet. Before I could visibly swoon, he halted half a foot from me and cupped my cheek with his warm hand. His gaze flickered to my lips and I stopped breathing again.
When his lips brushed mine, I closed my eyes and leaned against his strong frame.
The sound of the seat belt sign turning on brought me back to the present. I let out a deep breath, a whispered curse, and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. I blinked fast, willing my thoughts to push those memories back to the dark hole in the back of my mind where they had crawled off.
It didn’t work.
The airplane started descending, and I gripped the arms of my chair, my breathing shallow. I wasn’t afraid of flying, never had been, but I was afraid of what I would find once the plane touched the ground and I was forced to leave it.
Who was I kidding? Why had I come? I wasn’t ready for this.
If I could, I would have yelled for the pilot to turn around and drop me back in Cleveland.
It was too late now.
I grabbed my pencil and sketchpad, picked up my purse from the overhead compartment, and marched to the baggage claim area with the other passengers. I breathed through my mouth as if it could slow my racing heart and avoid a nervous breakdown.
The wait for my luggage seemed even longer than the flight. I paced before the carousel, knowing that, if I looked through the glass windows behind me, I would see my ride waiting for me. Jesus, why had I come? Why?
The carousel started moving and I jumped back, startled, my hand flying over my heart. A few strangers glanced at me with wary eyes. Self-conscious, I straightened, cleared my throat, and smoothed my tank top.
I could do this. I could.
Closing my eyes for a quick second, I drew in a long, deep breath.
Nobody had forced me to come. It had been my decision. Not an easy one, not a quiet one, but, in the end, the last word had been mine. If anything happened, if it became too hard to endure it, too complicated, too emotional, I could leave. I could go back to my real home any time.
My heart was almost at its normal speed.
I reached for my luggage on the carousel, and placed it at my feet before taking another deep breath.
Then, I turned toward the glass doors, ready to face the demons of my past.
***
Mama waited for me outside the airport terminal, leaning against the same old, dusty green truck I remembered.
I swallowed the sudden tears when she saw me approaching.
“My goodness, honey, you’re so thin!” Typical. Four years without seeing or speaking to her and the first thing she mentioned was the lack of food in my system. Nevertheless, emotion took hold of me and, like a child, I dropped my purse and my luggage and ran to her. She embraced me with her strong arms. A sob shook my chest. “Honey, I missed you so darn much,” she whispered in my ear.
“I missed you too,” I whispered back. Jesus, I had even missed her light Southern drawl. It intensified whenever she was angry or too excited.
“Let me look at you.” She pushed me at arm’s length and turned me around. The wrinkle on her forehead deepened. “Isn’t your hair too long? For goodness sake.” She tugged a dark blond strand. “It’s almost at your butt, honey.”
With a small smile, I shook my head, not believing she had chosen to complain about my looks.
Then I looked at her. Really looked at her. She had been a beauty once. She still was, though age and stress were playing their part. Her round face had new wrinkles, and her smile didn’t touch her blue eyes. Her amber hair was cut shorter than I remember, and she was thinner too.
“Hasn’t your grandmother fed you?” she asked, taking my bags from the sidewalk and placing them in the truck.
“Don’t blame her. I like being thin.”
We slid inside the truck. With a loud and strange roar, the engine came to life, and Mama drove us out of the airport.
“It ain’t healthy to be too thin.”
“Well, I could say the same about you. You lost weight too.”
She sighed, her eyes on the road. “Things haven’t been easy,” she muttered.
My heart wilted. The joy of seeing Mama again had erased the reason I had come from my mind.
“How is he?” I asked, my head low.
“Enduring.”
We reached Highway One, and among the many new buildings and constructions, I recognized a few old ones.
I turned toward her, as much as the seat belt around my torso allowed me. This question had been bothering me since she first called two months ago. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Your father didn’t want you to know. Not yet. You know how hardheaded he can be. He was too proud to admit he wasn’t well.” Around the wheel, her knuckles turned white. “But he has been in the hospital for three months now. The doctors don’t think he’ll make it much longer. And, since he is unconscious most of the time, I thought it was safe to let you know.” She glanced at me, her eyes shining with tears. “To let you come home.”
I averted my eyes and pretended to take notice of the familiar streets.
Home.
Lexington hadn’t been my home for four years. I didn’t think it would ever be again. I didn’t want it to be.
I opened my mouth to let her know my mind on the subject, but reconsidered. My poor mama was already under too much stress. I didn’t need to add one more layer and risk having her collapsing too. It was summer. I had three months until I needed to return to Cleveland and to my classes. I didn’t want to stay that long, but I wouldn’t worry her with that right now.
“Is Jason home?”
A small smile took over her lips. “Jason went to North Carolina for a bike show. He should be back next weekend.” If my brother was at a motorcycle show, my cousin would be too. There was someone else who would probably be with them, but I tried not to think about him. “He’s attending college, you know.”
“Really? What’s his major?”
“Biology, for now. He’s gonna apply to med school next semester.”
Wow, my brother in med school. That was shocking. Or maybe not that much. It all depended on how long my father had been sick, something I still didn’t know and wasn’t sure I wanted to know.