A groan woke me from my stupor.
I turned and found Gavin leaning against a bookshelf, his hand on his face.
“Shit,” I muttered. Of all days for him to show up, to surprise me with his “wonderful presence”—as he put it. He had arrived only thirty minutes before Ryan, and I had just taken him to my bedroom so we could have privacy when I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t into him and that we would never hook up again.
“So,” he croaked. “Are you going to explain what that guy was talking about?”
Not if I could help it. “I’m gonna get you some ice.” I started for the kitchen, limping with my twisted ankle, but Gavin grabbed my arm.
“Jessica, what’s going on?”
I sighed. All right, if he wanted to do this now, then we would do this now. “Gavin, remember I told you before I left that we weren’t a couple anymore. In fact, we were never a couple. We hooked up a few times; that was it.”
“I came here to prove to you we can be more.” He gestured to himself. “See? I’m here because I missed you. I care about you, and I want you to see I’m here for you.”
I shook my head. “Please, Gavin, don’t make this harder than it has to be. I don’t want a boyfriend, and I don’t want to hook up anymore.”
“Give me a chance, babe.”
“Don’t call me babe. I hate it.”
“Okay, then I’ll call you love.”
“Gavin, please …”
He pushed away from the bookshelf. “In a week or so, you’ll be going back in Cleveland and we can start anew. We can go out on a few dates and—”
“Gavin, I don’t want that.” God, I felt like the bad guy, but he gave me no choice. “Look, it was nice spending time with you, but I don’t like you. I’m not attracted to you, not as I thought I could be. I don’t want to start anew. I don’t want dates. I don’t want anything.”
“But—”
“No, Gavin. You shouldn’t have come.” I sighed, feeling tears coming. “I’m sorry you wasted time and money coming down here, but please, go back to Cleveland and forget about me.”
“Jessica, you can’t be serious.”
I crossed my arms and raised my chin, willing myself to remain calm. “Do I look like I’m joking?”
His face fell. “I … but … I don’t understand. The moments we had, they were great.”
“They were good, not great.” I winced. Damn, the bitch award went to me after all. “I don’t want to go out with you anymore. I’m sorry.”
He took a long breath and nodded. “I’m sorry too.”
Slowly, he walked to the door. He paused there before opening it and looked at me, as if waiting for me to stop him, to tell him I was joking and that he could stay. That I liked him. Poor guy. Finally, after a long moment, he opened the door and left.
I let out a long breath and a couple of tears rolled down. They weren’t for Gavin per se, but because of how bitchy I had to act so he would understand. Mostly the tears were because of the previous night. Making love to Ryan—a grown-up, hot as hell Ryan—had been wonderful. The perfect closure for our crazy, bittersweet story.
Why then was I hurting as if my heart had broken all over again?
***
I couldn’t sleep that night. After tossing and turning for hours, I finally gave up around 3 a.m.
Not sure what I was doing, I changed my PJs for jeans, a tee, and flats, grabbed my phone and my purse, and exited the house.
Thankfully, the truck was still in the driveway. It would be easier to leave without waking Mama or Jason, without needing to open the garage door. Not that I was trying to sneak out, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk.
Jason had come home late at night and let me have it.
“I can’t believe you were messing around with him,” he barked. “Didn’t he tell you what happened? This will send him spiraling out of control again!”
I shook my head, tears brimming in my eyes. “That wasn’t my intention.”
“If he does something, anything that results in him going back to jail, or even an extension of his parole, I swear, I’ll …” He pressed his lips together and clenched his fists. “I’ll never talk to you again.”
After his onslaught, Jason told me Ethan was with Ryan now. Then he shut up and shut me out.
In the silent night, I drove to the hospital. I knew it wasn’t exactly visiting hours, and I was ready to argue about it, but the nurse in charge recognized me and let me in without any explanation.
Carefully, I entered my papa’s room and, in the dark, sat in the chair beside his bed. He looked thinner and frailer every day, and the monitors beeping beside his bed sounded a little slower than before. An IV dripped heavy painkillers directly into his bloodstream.
It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact that he was dying, that in a few months or weeks, he wouldn’t be here anymore, that he wouldn’t be around. As much as I hated the fallout between us, he was still my father, and I didn’t want him to die.
I ran my fingers over the pale skin of his arm and rested my hand on his.
I had to get over the fact that he might never forgive me for—
“Jessica?” Papa asked, his voice just above a whisper.
I pulled back my hand and sat straighter. “Yes, Papa, it’s me.”
He glanced at the window. The drapes were closed, but a tiny crack let the moonlight seeped through.
“What time is it?” He pressed the button on the bed’s control and the mattress folded, sitting him up a little.
“Some time past 3:30 a.m., I think.”
He turned his eyes to me. “What are you doing here?”
“I … I couldn’t sleep, and I don’t know, I just drove here.” I sighed. I was leaving in a week, and finally, he was awake. It was now or never. “Papa, I know sometimes we don’t see eye to eye, but—”
“Ryan came to visit me the other day.”
I stilled. “W-what?”
“At first, I asked him to leave, called the nurses, but then he said you saved him. He said I had to know how. The nurses came to the room to take him out, but I told him to stay. I wasn’t sure why, but I wanted to hear him.”
“What did he say?”
“That you’re an amazing young woman, even more than when you were sixteen.” His voice was weak, but he didn’t stop. “He told me that you stayed by his side while he was working on his motorcycle, and even though you two didn’t talk, your presence was enough to calm him down. He told me about when the storm destroyed the Habitat for Humanity site, and you called in a bunch of people and organized everything to have them help rebuild the homes. Because of that help, the time to fix all the damage was cut to less than half. He also told me you took him to see the guy he injured in the accident, that he’s practically one hundred percent, as if he had never been a paraplegic.” He paused for a long breath. “And Ryan told me that you called John and that you may have gotten him into the circuit again. He said that even though he had hurt you, you had taken the high road and helped him through his problem. That those were characteristics of a decent, kind girl.” One corner of his lips curved up. “I confess it was a nice surprise, to hear how grown-up and kind my daughter became.”
My eyes teared. “Papa …”
“When I remember that day, anger swarms me, but it isn’t only because of what you did, or what Ryan did to you. After a while, that anger grew and turned toward myself. I hated myself for exploding that way, in front of all those people, for slapping you. I’m not sure I would do anything differently, if I could go back in time, because of the way I am, but I do regret it.” He reached over and took my hand. I could feel him trying to squeeze my fingers, but his grip was too light. “I’m sorry, Jessica. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have acted that way, and I should have gone after you when you left and brought you home. Home with your family, who loves you no matter what.”