Although the worst is behind me now. I hope.
They had a good dinner, and she felt guilty when he insisted on paying. “No, this is on me.
Consider it a wedding present.”
She didn’t detect any sarcasm in his voice and made a decision. “Look, let me get through this next week, find out what’s going on, and then we can resume our sessions again. No charge.”
He smiled, but the boy was gone. This was all Bob. “I don’t think I can risk being in the house with your ex there. I mean it. It would be too much temptation to beat the crap out of him. I don’t want you stressed out any more than you need to be.”
“I feel so crappy about this. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
He shrugged. “It’s okay. We all have to do what we need to do.” He stroked her hand. “Maybe once life settles down we can meet at the club to play or something.”
Or something. She didn’t want to say it, but she knew. In his heart, he understood the opportunity had slipped through his fingers. Her heart ached. Maybe not exactly what she’d needed in a partner, but she had no doubts he wouldn’t have left her without warning.
Or permission.
Outside, he walked her to her car and gave her another long hug before stepping away. “Take care, Tilly. If you ever need anything, please, call me.” He smiled as he caressed her cheek. “And promise me if you find yourself free again, you’ll give me first shot.”
She forced a smile to cover her breaking heart. “I will. Thank you.”
He nodded and turned to walk to his car. As she slid behind the wheel her rings caught the light from the security lamps in the parking lot and winked at her.
Had she made the right call? Only time would tell.
Tilly returned home, heartsick. From being alone to having men falling out my fucking ears.
Including one she wasn’t sure how she felt about who now occupied her guest room.
It was after eleven when she pulled into the garage and shut her car off. She sat there for a while, thinking. She’d set her feet on this path, now she had to see it through. What would it say about her if she changed her mind, went back on her word to help Landry, all so she could pursue a relationship with Bob?
What did it say about her that she didn’t want to relinquish the small bit of safety she now felt when she looked at the rings on her left hand? Safety that had absolutely nothing to do with money.
Despite the hour, Cris sat at the kitchen table, working on his laptop in the otherwise silent house. He stood upon her arrival. “Good evening, Mrs. LaCroux.”
She wanted to scream. “Okay, stop that. I know he told you to do it, but I can’t stand it. I’ll tell him I overruled him on this one. My house, my rules. Just call me Tilly, and quit the ma’am stuff.”
“All right. As you wish.”
She waved at the table. “And you don’t need to stand like that when I enter a room, either.” She pulled a bottle of Boylan cola from the fridge, grabbed the church key from where it hung on a magnetic strip on the side of the fridge, and popped the cap. She slid into the chair across from Cris’ laptop, where he’d retaken his seat. “Late work?”
“ Yeah. I know we’ll be busy tomorrow. I want to be able to focus on him.”
“So what exactly do you do? Professionally, I mean. Are you still coding software, or just an office wonk?”
“I run the place for him, mostly. I work on a few pet projects, but for the most part, I’m doing administrative stuff, negotiating contracts, things like that. My official title is chief operating officer.”
“What does he do?”
“He’s the owner, the chief executive officer, and president. He still does some coding, but we have a stable of programmers working for us now. He doesn’t have time for hands-on stuff much anymore. He does more beta-testing than anything, because he co-ordinates compiling the training materials we ship with the software.”
“Do they know about you and him?”
He smiled. She recognized that knowing expression, playful, with just a hint of the fun kind of evil behind it. “They know we’re lovers and business partners, yes. I’m reasonably sure my administrative assistant has connected the dots, because Master once made me kneel in my office before he called her in to have her set up a conference call with two of our off-site programmers.” He smiled. “I’d had a long day and got a little mouthy with him. He wanted to remind me of my place. As for the others, they probably suspect more, the people closest to us. But considering our company made the list of top twenty tech firms to work for in L.A. the last three years running, no one says anything, much less complains. Human resources always has a waiting list of people who’ve submitted resumes to us. We could easily fill another hundred positions, if we had them available.”
“How many people work there?”
“I’ve got five programming teams of fifteen each, some freelancers we bring in on a regular basis, and an administrative staff of twenty. My administrative assistant is the office manager.”
She studied him in a new emotional light. The Cris she’d known worked mostly alone, except when he had to travel and work on-site. Early in their relationship they’d established a system where she didn’t disturb him during his working hours. It was the rare day she came home from school or from work that he wasn’t there, unless he had to travel. Even if he was working, having his solid, albeit silent presence in the apartment was a comfort.
She’d missed that.
Letting her fingers trail through the cold condensation on the bottle, she softly asked, “Does he make you happy?”
From his frown, she knew he didn’t want to answer.
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”
He eventually nodded.
“I wish you’d told me about him.” She held up a hand to stay his comment. “I can’t change the past and neither can you. I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about all of this. About you.” She couldn’t look at him. It would start her crying again. “You lied to me. Not telling me about him was the same as a lie. Honestly, I don’t know how to deal with you now. I don’t trust you. What else was there you didn’t tell me? How many more secrets?”
He shook his head. “Just Lan.”
“Tell me the truth. Tell me it wasn’t my fault. Tell me it wasn’t me.”
He waited for her to meet his gaze. “It wasn’t you, Tilly,” he softly said. “You did nothing wrong.”
She nodded and finished her soda. With a soft belch, she dropped the empty bottle in the recycling bin under the sink and headed for bed.
“I’ve overruled you,” she said as she slipped into bed with Landry.
He looked exhausted, the course of laxatives he had to take to clean out his bowels in preparation for the biopsy wearing on him. “What?”
“Cris.” She rolled onto her side and kissed him. “I told him not to call me Mrs. LaCroux, or ma’am. I don’t mind being called that usually, but the formality…” She didn’t know how to explain it.
“Creeps you out?” he suggested.
“From him, yes. There’s no reason to make this any harder on him than we need to, and it’ll make it a lot easier on me. I also told him he didn’t have to stand every time I walk into the room, either.”
“Oh, but love, I was looking forward to him doing that.”
She kissed him. “Moving forward, remember?”
He arched an eyebrow at her. “Have you?”
Guilt surged within her as she remembered what they’d done to Cris. “I need to. I can’t do that to him again, and I’m beginning to wish we hadn’t.”