“Dammit, Tilly, please talk to me!”
She thrashed against him, but he held on tighter until she finally gave in and collapsed against him. He pulled her into his arms and sat with her on the bed. “Talk to me, baby girl, please. Don’t do this to me. Don’t kill me like this, I can’t take it. I can’t lose you.”
“You belong with Cris,” she admitted. “You’re his Master, and he loves you.”
“You said you loved me,” he hoarsely asked. “Didn’t you mean it?”
“Yeah. I mean it. That’s why I can let you go be with him.” How ironic, the two men who could break her heart getting to ride off into the sunset together without her.
“No. I won’t lose you. I’ll send him away.”
“You can’t do that to him.”
“I told you from the beginning that I would do it if you told me to.”
“But you love him.”
“And I love you and you’re my wife. If you think I’m leaving you without a fight, think again.”
He made her look at him. “This has nothing to do with the money. We can go down there today and redo the pre-nup if it’ll make you feel better. If I lose you, I lose my fucking heart, and I can’t go through that again.”
“You love Cris. I know you do. It’s not fair to him to do this. I’d moved on after he left. It took a while, sure, but I did it. I can do it again. You need him and he needs you. He can’t find someone else to be what you are to him. You, on the other hand, are proof that given enough time, I can find someone else.” She tried to climb out of his lap and he wouldn’t let her go.
He shook his head. “Stop it. I won’t leave. I can’t lose you.” Then she spotted the tears in his eyes and it froze her in place. “I can’t lose you,” he repeated, his voice hoarse and choked. “Please, Tilly, reconsider! Talk to me. Just…dammit, tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it! I need you!”
She reached up and gently brushed his tears away with her thumb, fascinated by the feel of them on her fingertips. This wasn’t the strong and angry Master, or her playful husband, or even gentle and loving Daddy.
This was a desperate man in a lot of pain.
“If it tells you anything,” he said, “I didn’t cry when Cris left me until much later. You’re killing me, baby girl. You’re my life and I can’t lose you. I need you. I don’t want to live without you. Please!”
She threw her arms around him and tried to deal with the crush of emotions swamping her. No, she couldn’t leave him. He loved her.
As much as she loved him.
He needed her.
He muttered into her hair, “Please, I love you. I can’t lose you. Don’t leave me.”
“How can you say you’d get rid of him and keep me? You’ve loved him longer than you’ve loved me.”
He lifted his head and touched his forehead to hers. “As you yourself said, I’ve lost him before and I survived. To lose you would kill me.”
“You almost killed yourself.”
“That was my stupid choice. I didn’t have to make it. Thank god I didn’t succeed or I’d never have met you.” He kissed her. “I’ll admit it. I’m a selfish man. I want both of you. I love both of you. If forced to choose, however, I will always choose you.”
What was she doing? Why get upset over this? Why be an immature brat over this?
“Would you rather be free to take a chance with Bob?” he quietly asked. “Is that what brought this on? That you want to see where things might lead with him?”
“No!” It hit her—that absolutely was the truth. She did not want to be free. She felt sorry for Bob, but she didn’t want to lose Landry. “Okay. I won’t leave. I’m sorry. I’m… I just really got broadsided by all this.”
He hugged her tightly, desperately. “Jesus you scared twenty years off my life, baby girl. Please don’t frighten me like that again.”
Tilly closed her eyes and let him hold her. No, she didn’t want to be anywhere but here.
“I think I need some time to reconsider the Cris issue,” she admitted. “It’s not fair to him to keep him like that, not able to spend time with you, but I don’t know how to get over my jealousy.”
“Is that what upset you?”
He waited for her answer even though it took her a long moment to finally admit it. “Yes. I don’t know why it doesn’t bother me seeing you use him or play with him, but when I’m not allowed to at least watch… Yeah, it’s a double standard. I admit it.”
He stroked her cheek. “I’m sorry it upset you. If I’d known, I never would have done it.”
“See, that’s the point. I didn’t know it would upset me that much and in all fairness, I should man up and deal with it.”
He grinned. “I would prefer you don’t get manly.”
“Ugh. Pain in the ass, that’s what you are.”
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. “Whatever I have to do to make you happy, I will. If you want, we’ll go to the lawyer today and change things. I can’t lose you, sweetheart.
Please.”
She thought about it for a while. “No, that’s okay.” She took a deep breath. “I guess I’m not as big a person as I thought I was. You’re my husband and sharing you with him isn’t as easy as I thought it might be.”
Landry squeezed his eyes shut and held her tightly, afraid to let her go. He could not lose her.
Would not lose her.
If she would just open up and let Cris back into her heart, no way she’d leave the two of them.
He had to bridge that gap before something else happened and he risked losing her forever.
He didn’t need to lie to her about how he felt. Losing her would rip his heart and soul apart.
And he did need her, every bit as much as he needed Cris.
He just needed to make her admit how much she still loved Cris and find a way to bring them together again for good.
Tilly’s way of working through her issues was to make Cris’ life miserable over the next few days. Landry didn’t miss her harsh tone, sarcastic comments, and less than charitable treatment.
In one way, Landry was glad to see it. It meant she felt something, anything. Her avoidance of the issue over the past several months had frustrated him. While sick he didn’t have the energy to devote to changing the situation. Barring any unforeseen complications, his own future looked exceedingly bright.
Meaning he could now focus on the problem at hand.
Landry stayed out of it for the most part, other than watching. He ignored Cristo’s frustrated glances his way whenever Tilly yet again berated him for something. Landry opted not to enlighten him. He suspected Cris would object on conscientious grounds, and if Tilly thought they were working together, it could, in fact, drive her away.
Losing her was not an acceptable option.
Even if it meant Cris would have to suffer the slings and arrows of Tilly’s jealous rage, they would soldier on.
Certainly, Cris had suffered far worse at his own hands over the years.
Not to mention, the sadist in Landry took great pleasure over his slave’s discomfort, especially when Cris tripped all over himself, even when Cris knew Tilly’s attacks were unwarranted, to try to mollify her.
Over the next week, her anger bubbled up, seething, until the littlest thing could set her off.
Landry sat at the kitchen table, working on his laptop, when Cris came in from grocery shopping and started putting things away. Tilly had gone out for lunch with Loren and arrived home just as Cris finished unpacking everything.
Landry sat back, crossed his arms over his chest, and waited for the show to begin. He knew it would, too, because Cris had already violated one of Cardinal’s rules.