Now, Loman, it don’t do no good to get sore.
No, but what does the taxpayers pay a bum like that for?
All right. Where’s it at?
Well, Mr. Friend, it’s pretty late in the day to start reading the bill now. I reckon the best way is for us to kind of explain to you what’s in it. Then you can tell us how you feel about it.
I can read. But I ain’t all the time bragging on it.
I bet you ain’t.
Well, le’s see. Le’s see now. Le’s see how I can put it.
I never seen such a place in my life. They can’t never do nothing thouten some man stands up and starts reading something. All the time showing off how good they can read. Up my way the people ain’t got time for all this here reading.
They can read them pain-killer ads though.
Well, first off, Mr. Friend, you know what this here evolution is, don’t you?
Maybe.
You say maybe oncet more and maybe you stay where you’re sitting and maybe you take a dive in that spittoon.
Yeah, I hear tell of it. I hear the preachers talk about it plenty of time.
And you know what it is?
Mister, go ahead and do your talking. Don’t worry about me. I’ll git the hang of it time you git done.
The main idea, the way I get it, is that men is descended from monkeys.
Hunh?
Dam, it does break my heart to think of the people of this State paying out their money for this.
That men is descended from monkeys.
De—?
Aw hell!
Descended. You got a father, ain’t you?
Doggone it, come on and say what you’re gitting at. I’m tired of all this here funny talk. All the time using big words. All the time talking and nobody can’t tell what it means. Sure I got a father. How you think I got here if I didn’t have no father? What you ask me that for, anyway?
Just to be o’n’ry.
Keep out of this, will you, Loman? It’s hard enough without no help.
Why don’t you go out there and talk to that tree?
Because the tree ain’t on the committee.
That’s a dam shame.
Mr. Friend, we ain’t giving you no funny talk. We’re explaining this here evolution as good as we can, and we’d get along better if you would listen at what we’re trying to tell you and quit all the time putting up a bum argument about how we’re doing it.
I ain’t ask you to explain me nothing. Go on and do your talking. I already told you I’ll git the hang of it time you git done. I ain’t never seen nothing yet I couldn’t git the hang of.
If you was to get the hang of a manila rope, that would be a fine thing for the people of this State.
All right, you got a father. And you got a grandfather, ain’t you? Or maybe had one?
All right. All right. Just keep on with your funny talk. All right, mister, now I’ll ask you something. If I didn’t have no grandfather, how would I have a father? How would my father of got here, hunh? Tell me that!
That’s a tough one, all right.
Loman, just as a favor to me, will you stay out of this and quit balling it up? All right. You want to get in it, you take him awhile. See what you can do.
No, thanks. I pass.
You can read so good, tell me that.
All right, Mr. Friend, you got a father and you got a grandfather. Now you’re descended from your father and your grandfather, you got that? And your father and your grandfather, they’re descended from their father and their grandfather, you got that? And so are you descended from their father and their grandfather, and so on and so on, you got that?
I already told you I ain’t deef.
And them evolutionists says men is descended from monkeys.
You quit hollering at me.
Hollering at you! Goddam it, I’ll crown you with a brick in a minute!
Who’s balling it up now?
Well anyway, I ain’t balling it up on purpose.
All the time hollering at me. I ain’t going to take no more of it.
Mr. Friend, did you hear what I just now told you about how them evolutionists says men is descended from monkeys?
That’s better, mister. That’s a whole lot better. You talk to me right, I’ll talk to you right.
You hear that, don’t you, Hayes? Now you know where you get off.
Mr. Friend.
Hunh?
Are we talking to suit you this way? Is this all right, the way I’m talking now?
But that ain’t how you was talking just now. You was hollering at me.
Never mind how I was talking just now. Am I talking to suit you now?
And another thing, mister. I’ll thank you to quit cussing at me. I ain’t no mule.
All right, then.
I don’t allow nobody to cuss at me. You just as well understand that right now.
Where was I at?
Where you was at was about them monkeys, but was you going or coming I wouldn’t like to say.
Oh yeah. Them monkeys. Now, Mr. Friend, have you got it all straight about that? About how them evolutionists says men is descended from monkeys?
Who says so?
Them evolutionists.
Ev—?
I swear this is the worst crime I ever seen.
— olutionists.