“Go ahead,” she said softly. “Go ahead — beat me up if you want.”
“Is that what you like? You want me to beat you around like a sadist? Are you a pervert, Carla? Is that what you want?”
He drew back his fist.
“No that’s not what I want.”
“It isn’t?”
She shook her head. “No — but go right ahead if it will make you feel better. I suppose I deserve it.” She closed her eyes then, unable to maintain an appearance of coolness any longer. Tears came to her eyes and she felt herself falling forward.
Then all at once Danny’s arms were around her and she was nestling her head to his chest. The tears flowed from her eyes and dampened the front of his shirt. He held her gently until she stopped crying, all the while stroking the firm flesh of her back through her blouse.
“God,” he whispered. “What’s the matter with me, Carla? I’m so much in love with you that I wanted to hurt you. I didn’t know what I was doing, baby. But what am I going to do now?”
He was still holding her and his voice was low and heavy. “It’s no use,” he said. “You should have let me kill myself. You should have left the gas on; it would have been a hell of a lot better that way.”
She freed herself from his embrace and stepped back, trying to speak through her tears. “If you’ll just let me explain, Danny. If you’ll just let me tell you what I’ve been trying to.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“I do! You don’t understand.”
“All right,” he said. “Go ahead.”
She took a deep breath. “You should have let me start at the beginning,” she said slowly. “I stayed at a man’s apartment last night, but I didn’t sleep with him. I slept all by myself.”
“You didn’t—” His eyes were wide with shock. She could see that he wanted to believe her but that his mind had adjusted itself so completely to what he thought was the case that it was hard for him.
“No,” she went on. “I slept alone. I went to his apartment because I couldn’t stand coming back here and I didn’t want to be alone. I had some thinking to do, Danny. I had a big decision to make.
“You see, I’ve had a pretty insecure life for a long time. My childhood was pretty rotten, and I tied up all this insecurity with the lack of money. It got to the point where money became tremendously important to me. I was so convinced that money would make me happy that, when I married Ronald and had money for the first time in my life, I actually believed I was happy.”
He nodded slowly, and she could see that he was beginning to understand what she was getting at. She wanted to stop and go to him, but it was important for her to get everything out into the open. She forced herself to continue.
“Then I met you,” she said. “I fell in love with you, Danny, and for the first time I discovered what true happiness could be. But the idea of the importance of money was so deeply imbedded in me that I couldn’t get it out of my head. And when you asked me to marry you and give up Ronald’s money, all I could see was the loss of a beautiful house and a wardrobe full of clothes. I couldn’t see the other things, the plus values that make a marriage real and vital.”
She stopped to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Last night I learned,” she said. “After I left you I was so torn in half by two choices that I couldn’t stand up. I couldn’t come home, Danny. I couldn’t face Ronald and I didn’t want to be in this house for a little while. And I thought I’d go crazy all by myself in a hotel. I wanted to be with you, but you said you never wanted to see me again.”
“I didn’t mean that,” he said. “I was just so damned angry.”
“I know. But I didn’t want to go to a hotel or to my home and I couldn’t see you, so I went to a good friend of mine and he let me stay there. And I managed to figure out that money isn’t as important as I thought it was. Love is more important.”
His eyes were shining. “You mean—”
“I mean that I want to marry you now if you’ll still have me.”
She turned her eyes to the carpet and heard him say, “I’ll always want you, Carla. I guess I never stopped wanting you, not from the first moment I met you.” And then his arms went out to her and held her again.
His arms were a haven — strong and protective and tender at the same time. She wanted him to hold her forever, and she knew now that she would never permit him to let go of her.
“I was stupid,” she said after a few moments. “I should have known that inside I’ve wanted to marry you all the time. I should have—”
“I’m stupid, too,” he cut in. “I kept taking you for granted, baby. I never looked at your side of things. I wanted to marry you from the beginning, and I couldn’t see how you could look at things differently.”
“We’re both a little bit stupid, aren’t we?”
He nodded. “But we’re gonna act smart from now on. You’re getting a divorce as soon as you can and the day it’s final we’re getting married. Right?”
“Right,” she said solemnly.
“And in the meantime you can give me a kiss.”
“Kiss,” she intoned, lifting her mouth to his.
“That was good,” he said. “How about another?”
“Another,” she repeated. And she kissed him again.
Then she said, “Come upstairs, Danny. I want you, and I’m not waiting until the divorce to have you.”
“Well—”
“Don’t you want to?”
He grinned. “You twisted my arm, baby. Lead the way.”
It was cool upstairs in the bedroom and the large double bed was freshly-made with clean sheets. The pair undressed slowly but surely, and when Carla stood nude before him with her breasts firm and proud and her thighs rampant with animal lust, Danny let out a small sigh and reached for her.
She stepped back teasingly and a smile played with the corners of her mouth.
“Say ‘please’” she demanded.
“Please.”
“Please what?”
“Please—” He broke off and they both laughed. Then he held out his arms and she came in between them, hugging him close and pressing her breasts against him. He pressed her back to the bed and lay down beside her.
“Eight hours a day,” he whispered. “And seven days a week. Do you think you’ll be able to stand it?”
“Sure,” she said. “Do you?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I wonder,” she said. “You might get tired of me, you know.”
“Not a chance.”
“I might bore you.”
“Never.”
“Eight hours a day?”
He nodded.
“Seven days a week?”
He nodded again.
“That’s pretty hard to believe.”
“It’s true, though.”
“You positive?”
He nodded.
“Really positive?”
He nodded again.
“I don’t believe it,” she said, giggling. “I think you better prove it to me.”
And he did.
Chapter Eighteen
The house on Nottingham Terrace was almost silent. Upstairs the vacuum cleaner droned lazily as Lizzie cleaned one of the rooms. A clock on the living-room wall ticked monotonously. A fly buzzed up against the front windows, then flew from the room and was heard no more.
Carla and Danny sat side by side in the living-room, waiting. It was late in the afternoon and Ronald would be home any minute. He would come home and they would tell him at once. His case was over; now was the time for them to put their cards on the table and get the situation resolved. Ronald would consent to a divorce, for there was nothing else he could do.