“'Do not stop me-I mean to kill myself,' I cried. The points of the scissors touched my skin and made an indentation there.
“'Oh, dear God, no!' came her cry, and it was one of such despair itself that I halted the pressure of my wrist in the same moment that she leapt forward and turned the steely instrument away… 'Oh, what have I done!' she wailed, and to my utter astonishment fell to her knees and clasped her arms around my thighs.
“The scissors fell. They clattered down beside her hip. I swayed. I knew not what to do.
“'Leave me alone!' I uttered for want of else to say.
“'No, I cannot, for I have wronged you deeply! It is all my fault-I am accursed, I know I am. No more harm shall come to you, I swear!'
“She raised her face to mine past my belly and I saw the streaming tears upon her face-tears that were real and exuded like a flood. On and on she cried and clutched me till I feared to stir in case of falling forward over her.
“Was I then, after all my horrid tribulations, to beseech her to calm herself? How strange the situation was! I could say naught but to plead with her to let me lie down. Immediately I did so, she rose and escorted me back to the bed, one arm about my waist and saw to my comfort with great tenderness. I feared a trap, and yet her tears were real enough. She cast herself beside me in an awkward pose, legs half upon the floor, and pressed her glistening cheek to mine, begging my forgiveness on and on.
“'How can I believe you after the horrid way you have both treated me?' I asked.
“'This is no trick-I swear it to you. I will make him go upon the instant, if you wish.'
“I did not answer. I feared the temptation that came upon me then to embrace her and believe her. I turned away and put my back to her. Upon that, still uttering the most heartfelt sobs, she rose and hastened downstairs.
“I waited trembling. I feared the renewed eruption of Charlie into the room. I had not reason to doubt his virility and thought he would be upon me again. I resolved to be placid and let him take his will of me. I saw no other way. Then came to my ears what sounded like altercations. An argument was ensuing. Carrie sounded fierce. He bellowed something at her, but then her own voice softened. There were whispers that I could not hear. Then Carrie's footsteps sounded up the stairs once more. I feigned a swoon, but she took me in her arms and swore to me that in but minutes he would be gone. I lay as if I did not hear and kept my eyes closed. Thereupon feet again upon the stairs and in alarm I clutched at her.
“'He has but gone upstairs to fetch his things,' she said. The sounds of his further ascent up to the servants' quarters came to my ears, though still I feared a trick, but then I heard him rummaging. One knows by instinct, I suppose, when certain moves are being made. He was not long about the matter, made his descent and hesitated at the half open door. I stiffened. Carrie held me close.
“'He wants to tell you he is sorry,' she said.
“'Tell him to go.' I gritted out the words.
“'Yes, go, Charlie. I will see you at the inn,' she called. The next few seconds were to me a terrible eternity.
“'Yes,' he replied, then clattered down. The front door slammed, and he was gone. I sensed it not to be a trick and stirred myself. Such a sense of freedom came over me as I could not believe. I sat up. Carrie made no attempt to stop me, but in my doing so she cast her face between my naked breasts and begged forgiveness once again.
“'I am accursed-I am accursed!' she cried once more. Upon that, and to my own great astonishment, I passed my arms around her, for her grief was truly real. Her tears trickled down between my breasts; I felt them all around her mouth. We rocked together and we moaned like sisters who are both in sin. I truly thought to know not who I was, nor who she was. That she was no mere servant girl had been plain to me from the moment that her voice had changed. Her tone was one of real gentility. And then her story tumbled out, and often enough in broken words I could not catch. I will truncate it for you. Charlie was her cousin-a poor relative. They had been brought up together in what at first was a house of great piety. Then, at the age of fifteen as Carrie then was, her father had remarried. Unbeknown to him, the girl's stepmother took her in hand. She was, in brief, put to her trials by the stepmother's brother, the woman encouraging and witnessing all. Charlie, too, saw some of what occurred and felt a shame for it. Carrie's father never knew, and of course she could not bring herself to tell him of what passed. The stepmother, being then of my age, Carrie vowed revenge, but not being able to exert it on her tormentor who, in any case, had Carrie's father in her spell, she left the parental abode with Charlie, pretended to a servant's role with him and sought out lonely ladies such as I, just to revenge herself.
“You felt this to be true?” I asked.
“My dear, it was not a matter of belief but certainty, for her confession was repeated several times in the hours that passed.”
“It was she who should have consoled you more. I would have sent for the village constable,” said Adelaide with set teeth, though I confess I did not quite believe her.
“She cast herself upon my mercy, dear. What could I do? I would have had to appear before the magistrates. The whole story would have had to have been told. How could I bring myself to face up to such things?”
“Indeed. They might have said then that you lied, and caused confusion thus,” I gallantly averred, but even so uneasiness had taken hold of me. I asked her what happened to the pair.
“Carrie assured me in most broken fashion that such would never re-occur, for I had fear for other ladies in the shire. I pondered this. She had reverted to subservience, although her true station is much as my own-in origin, that is. Charlie waited for her, she said. They would go abroad and not be heard of again. An allowance from her father saw to her main needs. I would not have it so. Perhaps in the last event I feared she would fall into her old ways. I told her, upon threats of advising the constabulary, that she must remain with me under my care and that Charlie must be gone.”
“You do not mean that she is with you still?” asked Caroline.
“What else was I to do? I could let the pair upon the world again, or guard them from their sins. I chose the former course. She is now as a companion to me. I permitted her a last farewell with Charlie and then saw myself to his departure from the inn where he had waited for her. His own penitence was complete. Indeed, he fell at my feet and begged forgiveness-even kissed my boots.”
“Strange indeed,” said I. Therewith, to the surprise of Caroline, I excused myself. She hastened after me and closed the door.
“What are you at?” she asked. I believe there was something in both our minds then. I could not speak of it, and nor could she.
“I shall be gone but an hour,” I replied. In truth, I departed with a certain queasiness, but something ticked in me as does a clock when known events are to occur. I took myself, in short, and without delay to Miriam's.
Upon arriving, I scanned first the blank windows. How often does a house appear empty and silent, and yet is habitated! Upon my knocking a quietness ensued, and then the door was opened by a maid of beanpole shape.
I introduced myself. Her Mistress, I said, was a guest at my abode and had asked me to fetch something for her from her room. Being then regarded doubtfully-as indeed I expected to be-I presented more material credentials in the form of a carte de visite, the which caused her to step aside and permit me to enter, uttering apologies as she did.
“You are wise to be cautious,” said I. Every facet of the house held interest for me. The door to the drawing room lay open, the stairs yawned. It was down these selfsame steps that Miriam had been led, I thought. I envisaged her naked and did not mind the thought at all.