— I'll have to make it, there's not…
— Thinks I'm calling him about a movie, big movie they want to make call it The Wayne Fickert Story get the kid's mother in there as the, hello? got the pencil? Good, now here's the big picture, we… not the movie I just told you not the movie look, talking about keying our overall media strategy to your daddy's next big appearance. Got him on the front page we want to keep him on the front page, that's the whole… I said his next big appearance, crusade out there just kicked things off we've got California wrapped up, taped, broadcast, headlights purple ribbons the whole package, what he… what…? No well that's just what I'm saying Bobbie Joe now just listen here. What your daddy wants now, he wants a platform that's going to give his image real dignity, He wants… well I know he has but we want to show them a real serious issue he can sink his teeth into, that's… the what…? No wait, that's… Look that's not what I… No now look here Bobbie Joe, I know they's eight hundred million Catholics out there he considers a field ripe for harvest but let's not jump the God, jump the gun here. I'm talking about education, school education. Now here's this big southwest regional educators' conference where they've got him up there giving the keynote address? You've got prominent educators coming in from all over Texas, Kansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma Arkansas the whole backbone of American education? Now what we… no wait a minute, don't want to get into that no, break a few school bus windows that's not what I'm talking about, look. He's just announced he's founding the Wayne Fickert Bible College now that's the… call it the what? When did he promise you that, he… No but that's way back when you were just a little old boy, he goes and changes it now to the Bobbie Joe Ude Bible College you'll have these media people in there twisting things around now what he's talking about up there, he's talking about these high education standards. That's what he's got Wayne Fickert Bible College dedicated to. Now he takes that real good idea of yours where the men students will all wear jackets and ties? Starts right off there talking about these high academic standards and the… what? That's a, c, a, d e m i c you got that? What…? Well go find a piece of paper then I'll hold on, Liz? Can you stop all this messing here and go get me a shirt?
— Do you want the…
— Just a shirt any God damn shirt, stand here freezing to death while he looks for a piece of paper, gets a pencil it doesn't occur to him he'll need something to hello? All set now…? Not every word no, just giving you a list of talking points for your daddy to go over for this speech here. First he's talking about this desperate need for academic excellence? how it's being threatened throughout the land by these same forces threatening the Constitution? that's the… what? That's capital c, o, n look Bobbie Joe, is your sister there…? She just wet her what? No, no I mean Betty Joe, your big sister Bet… locked up in the what? but who… Caught holding hands with a boy now that don't sound so… Oh. Oh, well now she's bound to meet a real nice white boy one of these days don't you fret, now you got a dictionary there anywhere…? Well I know it's a real big word but you'll just have to do the best you can till your daddy sends out for a die… Well he can't just not allow a dictionary in the house because it's got swear words in it, now let's get… all right, just do the best you can, hear? How the US Constitution protects religious freedom, that's the right to enforce prayers in the schools you got that? Next thing he talks about academic freedom. Now that's where they feel real strong, teaching these science courses where these same forces trying to destroy the Constitution are trying to stop them teaching science like they're trying to stop free speech, pushing his television show off the air, twisting the ratings lying with statistics the whole… of the what…? No well now I'd just go a little easy on that Satan the father of lies for right now Bobbie Joe. This audience of real good Americans they already know that, he wants to talk to them more about how these liberal media people are trying to squeeze him so he can't get up there and preach against sin, can't support his Africa missions, trying to keep his Bible College from sending out these fine well educated Christian men and women for… to where…? I know that Bobbie Joe but we're not talking about Jaypan now, a great harvest field that's been long neglected I know he's got a real heavy anointing to get in there and save them but this audience isn't coming to hear about Jaypan, hundred million of them all bunched up in those little islands they've got enough Buddhism and Shintoism to keep them busy besides, they don't vote he can harvest them later, let's just take one continent at a time here. Now Christianity's an American religion, that's what he's talking about isn't it? the only bulwark there is against the spread of the evil empire? That's what he's… well now wait, I'd go easy on the… Well now look, I think this audience is pretty well harvested already or they wouldn't be sitting there, they come out of the hall and he has you outside there selling the Little Wayne lapel pin, the t shirts with the smartly designed Little Wayne logo and your record albums Pearly Gates singing Elton Ude's Christmas Favorites you're going to get the liberal media twisting the whole God, whole thing into a carni… Who, Pearly Gates? What kind of a parade… Well your daddy he can just bring that in talking about the constitutional right to bear arms but I'd just go real easy on this Bobbie Joe. See I know your daddy's got Pearly Gates all fired up about how angry Satan is over all the souls you all have rescued but this audience now, they're all educators. Now that means you've got a nice white audience out there they might just not take to it, he better just stay with the singing hold on a minute… cupping the phone against his groin, — this the only shirt you could find?
— You said just to bring you any…
— White one right out there on the chair, never mind I'll get it myself hello? Look, now one more thing. You tell your daddy make sure he's got a flag up there on the platform when he… No now listen here, his picture on the front page all over the country they's going to be yankees seeing it too, it better just be the regular American flag, and you tell him when he's done his speech he just doesn't need to give any press conference, all they'll… Look I know they's all friends there Bobbie Joe but you get somebody infiltrating from the liberal media they'll twist things around to beat all get out, like they did when your daddy said he was a Zionist? that that's the Holy Land where you'll have Jesus' Second Coming but he won't show up till all the Jews there are born again? where they had him saying that the only thing that keeps the Jews Jews is being hated by everybody else? Who do you think runs this liberal media, now look. When he's done his speech he just wants to get down there and circulate with these prominent educators, you hear? Get their names and addresses everybody registered for this conference and get your Bible students down there working on your mailing lists that's the… Well then get some of them off the night shift at the bottling plant, somebody gets his Pee Dee water a week late's not going to kill him now one more thing. Your daddy tell you there's somebody supposed to meet me later there at National Airport? Little gift shop right there at the… no problem I'll have on a red tie, little gift shop right there at the head of the ramp you make sure he's there, hear? Got to hurry now, I… you bet. We'll… You bet Bobbie Joe, you… you bet. Liz? What time is it.
— I told you, I don't…
— Turn on the God damn radio won't even tell you what time it is, do it myself… and he had the phone again, — look. One more thing, waiting to hear from somebody named Slotko he's a partner in a big time Washington law firm most prestigious in the country, triple A gilt edge you don't get near him without the right credentials I've got him working on your old man's VCR stock option, make sure if he calls that you, wait… pressing the phone close, dropping it, — got to hurry.