He interrupted me with another chuckle. “Please tell me he wants the one in the oven, and it’s not code for sex. That’s too funny.”
“You asked. I suppose he wants a piece of both.”
“You’re imaginary life sounds surreal. You’re young. You still have time to make it how you want. I’m sure you can have everything if you put your mind to it.”
I shrugged and looked out the window. It was dark now, and every so often a street light would illuminate the long road ahead of us. “I hope so. What about you? You’re not that old are you?” It occurred to me I’d never thought about it. His age always seemed irrelevant.
“I’ll be thirty at the end of the year. Why, how old did you think I was?”
“About that I guess. I’m a horrible judge with things like that. One time we had this carnival come into our small town. I stood there watching some guy guess ages, weights and even birth months. I’d think the answer in my head and miss every time, while he usually got close.”
“Those guys are trained to look for signs. They memorize birthstones and zodiac symbols for birth months. Weight is tricky, but once you get the hang of it, I imagine it’s pretty easy to judge. Ages are the same. Once in a while you’ll get someone who looks older or younger, but for the most part it’s easy to tell.”
“Says the FBI agent who went to school to be able to profile people.”
“Okay,” he snickered. “You’ve got me there. Maybe it’s easier for me. Still, we use the same methods, we’re just better at it. People are predictable.”
“Like me, right?”
“Cassie, I don’t need to profile you. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time because you were blinded by your feelings. Making bad choices is a human action. We’re not perfect. We all make mistakes.”
“Do you think I’m a terrible person? I stole from people. I put illegal drugs into my body because I thought it made me feel better. I hate myself on most days.”
“You shouldn’t. I think you had a bump in the road. Pretty soon it won’t bother you as much. Trust me.”
“I do,” I couldn’t believe it came out of my mouth, but I meant it. Of all the people I’d ever had in my life, I knew he’d never hurt me. I don’t know why I felt comfortable around him. Maybe him letting me into his personal life made it easier to accept. I saw him when he wasn’t an agent. He was just Logan, an almost thirty-something guy who cared too much about others.
I hoped one day I’d be able to meet a man like him; someone who cared about making a difference. Logan probably went for women with class. He was too good for someone who was damaged like me.
“Do you have any idea what you’d like to do in the future? I know you mentioned you hated your job.”
“I don’t hate it. I think it’s Vegas I can’t stand. I’m not a city girl. I like the quiet. It’s nice living in a place where everyone knows you. My family is pretty popular. They run a ranch two states wide. They raise cattle, grow produce, and have other livestock. I was raised in a country setting, surrounded by family on both sides of our property. I’m not used to being far away. It’s hard not having someone to hang out with.”
“You have me and Charlie.”
“I know. It’s nice. I hate the idea of being all alone. It scares me.”
“Yeah, sometimes I wonder if that’s how I’ll end up too. Charlie won’t live with me forever. She’s got her own life, and pretty soon I can see her finding someone she’d rather share a house with. I’m not exactly her kind of people. She prefers a busy lifestyle. I know my work is tedious and unpredictable, but when I come home I want to relax. She’d rather run around town at all hours of the night. I’m not complaining. She’s a great tenant and friend. I’m glad we’re friends.”
“She’s been really nice to me, especially that first night. I was in a terrible way and she sat up with me for a while. I would have probably gone crazy without her to settle me. It didn’t help how I was cuffed to a table.”
“I did that for your own good,” he reminded me.
“Yeah, I know that now. I’m sure I wasn’t easy to deal with. How you were ever nice to me is beyond me. I snapped at you so many times.”
“I knew it wasn’t the real you talking. It’s water under the bridge anyway. We’re friends now, right?”
“I’d like it if we were. I don’t have many.”
“Then it’s settled. From now on I’m not an FBI agent keeping you safe. I’m just Logan, someone you met along the way.”
“I know it’s hard for you to talk about, but you must have had the best upbringing. You’re too good to be true sometimes. I always stereotyped authority figures as being cocky and hard to deal with. Now that I’ve come to know you, I feel like you’re the kindest man I’ve ever met. It’s funny. I used to feel that way about my dad, before I started to date and want my own life.”
“Aren’t all fathers supposed to be overprotective?”
“He took it to the extreme. When I left home I didn’t struggle that much with the thought of walking away from him. It was saying goodbye to my mother that hurt the most. I haven’t talked to my brother and sister in months, and the one that visited me has no idea where I am or what’s gone on since I saw her last. I feel like such a shitty person.”
“You’re entitled to have a little break from reality for a while, Cassie. I’m sure if you contacted them they’d be happy to hear from you.”
“I told you before, it’s not going to happen. I need to be settled into a stable life before I can let them know what I’ve gone through to get there. I can’t face them knowing I have nothing to show for it. Everything they said was spot on. I feel like such a jerk for not seeing it before.”
“Love is blind. It makes us do crazy things. It’s not until time slips away from us that we realize what we’ve lost while on the journey.”
“Are you a poet in your spare time as well? Did you fall from the sky?” I teased.
“Hey, save those lines for the men. Don’t take away all my moves.” This time I was the one cracking up. “Seriously though. It’s true. I’ve been in love before. I thought she would be my wife. We were too different. It never would have worked, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t try.”
“I bet she’s sorry she walked away from you now. I’m sure you have a sort of appeal to every woman who meets you.”
He glanced at me for a quick second. A half-smile formed in the corner of his lips. “I can be a dick, Cassie. Trust me, I’ve got an ugly side, just like everyone else. I’ve just learned to manage my stress better than others.”
“You should teach me how to do that. I’d like to let things go instead of having them eat me up inside.”
“I’d be glad to help. We’ve got nothing but time for the next few days.”
“You still haven’t told me where we’re headed.”
“East coast,” he replied.
My stomach knotted up. “Really? What state?” I only asked because I wondered if it was one I’d been to. “I need to make a stop in Kentucky and then Virginia. Why? Do you know any good places to stay or eat?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.”
I wasn’t ready to call home, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t see Christian and Addison. Maybe we could have dinner and get a hotel close to where they lived. I was sure they’d come to the city to visit with me.
This trip was going to be good, I could feel it. Logan was going to help me deal with my issues, and I’d be able to possibly see some of the family I missed with all of my heart.