"Something is going on, all right," Jeremy replied. "The question is, what is it and where is it?"
"Will those gizmos tell you that, too?"
"If I can triangulate, yeah."
"Oh."
All this didn't make much sense to Melanie. The room they were in looked like a science lab, not a place of magic. Correction: it resembled a science fiction lab, worthy of a chiller flick. Right out of Frankenstein.
Jeremy stepped to the next machine. All these unusual sensing instruments were similar, but the faces differed. Some had single hands, some had two or three, and a few had several rotating dials and gauges. All looked antique and brought to mind something one might have discovered in the study of a medieval alchemist. But no alchemist or magician had ever owned these odd contraptions. None but Incarnadine, that is.
Melanie took a self-guided tour of the lab, noting the many strange items in it, then returned. She sat at the work station of the castle's mainframe "computer." They called it a computer, but it looked like a collection of old juke boxes lost in an array of more Frankenstein stuff. She sat back and watched Jeremy busy himself about the banks of gauges and verniers.
Presently he came to the work station, sat down in front of a modern-looking terminal, and began typing quickly and dexterously.
"You know a lot about computers?"
"Hm? Uh, yeah, I guess. You?"
"Not much," Melanie said. "I use one, but mainly for word processing… Oh, sorry. You're busy."
"Nab, just doing some data entry. Be done in a sec." Melanie watched him. He looked young, barely out of his teens. Was he out of his teens? She didn't know. He was reputed to be something of a wizard at computers. A "hacker." And she gathered, from what people had casually mentioned about Jeremy, that at one point he'd been in trouble for meddling in things he shouldn't have meddled in. But she knew nothing definite. At any rate, Jeremy was certainly a wizard in his own right, and held the post of Chief of Data Processing here in the castle.
Melanie swiveled her chair around and stared off into space, thinking.
She was brought out of her reverie by the sound of a door opening in the back of the lab. Two odd men came through. The tall one was Luster Gooch. Dolbert, very short and potbellied, was Luster's brother. Both wore tattered, greasestained dungarees and equally shabby baseball caps. They came over to the work station.
Luster touched the bill of his cap. "Howdy, Miss Melanie."
Dolbert chittered, grinning bashfully.
"Hi, Luster. What have you guys been doing?"
"Oh, still tryin' to fix up that there space ship, or time machine, or whatever the heck ya call it."
"The Sidewise Voyager? I think it's an interdimensional spacetime ship. That's what everybody calls it."
"Wull, whachamacallit, we're still tryin' to fix the sucker. Every time someone brings it back from joy-ridin' it needs tinkerin' with agin."
"Any luck?"
"Oh, ah expect we'll get her workin' shortly."
"Great. Might come in handy with all this ruckus that's going on."
"All what ruckus, ma'am?"
Melanie was surprised. "You guys haven't noticed anything strange around the castle?"
Luster looked at Dolbert, who shrugged.
"Why no, ma'am," Luster said. "We been cooped up in the gravin' dock all day. Whut's goin' on?"
Just then the lab door burst open and a sword-wielding man in strange armor ran in. He was followed by another man in similar attire. The first man turned to meet the second's charge. Swords clashed.
Stunned, Melanie, Luster, and Dolbert watched. Jeremy kept typing.
Another pair of gladiators spilled into the room. There was much clanging about of steel.
"Should have locked that damn door," Jeremy muttered. Two women came in. At least Melanie thought they were women. They were slightly smaller than the male gladiators, but well-muscled and very tough-looking. Both were wearing leather halters and briefs with steel greaves and brassards. They fought just as savagely as the men.
"Oh, my," Melanie said.
"Wull, don't that beat all," Luster said.
"Got it!"
Jeremy looked up from the terminal.
"What is it, Jeremy?"
"I've located the source of the disturbance. It's somewhere way down in the lower levels of the keep, near the King's Tower. It's probably in the cellar."
"Great. At least we know now. And when Incarnadine gets back…"
More combatants invaded the room, and the lab turned into a battleground.
"We'd better get the heck out of here," Jeremy said. He, Melanie, Luster, and Dolbert all retreated through the back door. Jeremy slammed the door shut and turned the huge key in its lock, then pocketed it.
"That ought to hold 'em. We'd better get those-"
As he pointed to the room's other entrance, the two huge freight doors swung open and the gladiatorial melee spilled in.
"Into the Voyager!" Jeremy yelled.
The craft, sitting out in the middle of the spacious chamber, was bell-shaped, silvery, and rather small for four people, but it did accommodate a crew of that number. The nonhuman race that had built the craft were of considerably smaller dimensions.
Jeremy was the last one in. He wriggled through the tiny access hole and closed the circular hatch after him.
It was cramped inside. "Excuse me, ma'am."
"Oh, that's all right."
"I think iffen you'd set right down here-"
"No, wait, let me get over here, then-"
Jeremy said, "Pardon me." Then he said, "Ouch, darn it."
Dolbert chortled.
"Dolbert's shore sorry he stepped on yore toe, there, Jeremy."
"Uh, that's okay. Just sit. Yeah, there."
All four settled into the uncomfortably small seats, the Gooch brothers in back, Jeremy and Melanie up front. The compartment was dim, the only light coming from glowing indicators on the instrument panel.
"Whew," Luster breathed.
"Yeah, really," Jeremy seconded.
"Well," Melanie said.
Jeremy slumped back. "Well, hell."
"Doesn't this thing have a window?" Melanie asked.
"Yeah, but it's polarized to opacity now. You want to see out?" Jeremy reached for a switch.
"No! They might see us."
"I can make it one-way."
"Forget it. I don't want to see what's going on out there." Melanie took a long, heaving breath. "What do we do now?"
"Good question," Jeremy said. "We're kinda stuck."
"We wait here till the ruckus is over, I guess," Melanie said with a shrug.
"When's that gonna be, though?"
"Jeremy, your guess is as good as mine."
Looking at the control panel, Jeremy scratched his head. "Luster?"
"Yes. sir?"
"Is this ship in working order?"
"Don't know that."
"Why not?"
"Ain't tested her."
"Oh? I thought you-"
"Ain't had a chancet. We worked on fixin' 'er up all day, but ah cain't rightly say she's fixed up."
"Great." Jeremy flipped a few switches. Green lights lit up on the instrument panel. "She looks okay. All systems pretty much in `Go' state."
Luster said, "Yup, I'd say."
The craft lurched again, this time more violently.
"I say we get the heck out of here now," Melanie voted. Jeremy looked at her. Then he examined the control panel again. "Well, let's see if the motor turns over."
He threw a few more switches, pushed some buttons. The craft's engines came alive with a high-pitched whine. "Yeah, it's running all right. Everything seems to check out." Jeremy turned his head to fix Melanie with a questioning stare, as if delegating the decision-making to her. "Do we take her out?"
Melanie blanched. "Jeez, I don't know. Is this thing safe? Does it work?"
"It usually does. Trouble is, every time I take it out I get into some kind of jam."