Linda coughed and said, “Yeah, they really did the trick. All the strange Guardsmen are gone, and most of the yellow Snowclaws.”
“That’s the other thing I wanted to ask about,” Dalton said. “The yellow Snowclaws. But maybe I better wait.”
“We’ll talk about it over dinner,” Linda said. “Are you hungry? Some of the castle cooks came back already, so there might be some food up in the Queen’s Hall.”
“Well, let’s go. But what’s this about your nearly getting killed?”
“It was my double. I must have some sort of deep nasty streak in me, because —”
Linda stopped when she saw Gene come out of a side passage.
“You’re still here?” she said coldly.
“Hello,” Gene said.
“Where did you get that baggy outfit? It looks ridiculous. By the way, aren’t you surprised to find me still alive?”
Gene looked at Sheila, then at Thaxton and Dalton, then back at Linda.
Linda said, “When I saw her pull the gun, I materialized a bulletproof vest under my blouse. I didn’t expect darts, of course, and the dart did penetrate the vest, but it didn’t break the skin. I faked passing out, and then …” Linda stopped, disturbed by Gene’s curious stare. Only then did she realize who it was.
“Gene!”
She jumped on him and nearly knocked him over.
Thirty-six
Laboratory
The mainframe hummed and bubbled, whirred and clicked. Tiny sparks ran through a glass tube in one component, wheels spun in another. It was the strangest of machines. But it was working superbly.
“The program’s running fine,” Jeremy said, his eyes fixed on the screen. “It’s nearly done.”
He took a bite of Hostess Twinkie.
Isis, Luster, Dolbert, and Mordecai stood behind him. Osmirik and Jonath were talking in another part of the lab. Osmirik was showing him some very interesting books.
“Shore is an interestin’ place,” Luster said.
“Oh, you’ll love the castle,” Mordecai said. “It’s like a resort in the Catskills. All that’s missing is the social director.”
“I wish we could get some results,” Isis said. “I hope Lord Incarnadine will let us know what readings he’s getting on his instruments.”
Jeremy turned around in the swivel chair. “He said the effects wouldn’t be spectacular. Things will just right themselves, calm down, and that will be that. But just think. What we’re doing in this room is affecting the whole universe. All the universes!”
“It’s a big responsibility,” Isis said. “It was a big job. But you did it, Jeremy. You got us through.”
“With a little help from you, Isis. With just a little help from you.”
“But that’s simply my job. I’m a program, remember. I serve the user.”
“You serve me just fine.” He smiled up at her.
“Ah’d like to see the rest of this here castle,” Luster said. “Iffen it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”
“I’ll be glad to show you around,” Mordecai said. “I still remember how the place is laid out. You have to watch yourself, though. It can be tricky.”
“Yeah,” Jeremy said. “Be careful the first few weeks. After that you’ll get used to the place and it’ll be like home.”
“Wish there was a way't’get word to Momma,” Luster said.
“We have the coordinates for your universe. If you guys can fix the Sidewise Voyager, we can take you right home. Think you can do it again?”
“Well, ah don’t rightly know,” Luster said. “Dolbert, you think fixin’ that there contraption will be a problem?”
Dolbert thought about it, then guffawed.
“Dolbert says it’ll be a challenge,” Luster interpreted, “but he thinks we’re up to it.”
Jeremy and Isis exchanged looks.
Jeremy said, “Luster, how can you understand Dolbert? He doesn’t talk.”
“Beg pardon? Why, he’ll talk yore arm off, iffen you let him. Oh, I know he’s hard to understand sometimes, but —”
“Dolbert must have his own language,” Isis said.
Luster scratched his head. “I guess he does, so't’speak.”
“He fixed the Voyager. He must be brilliant.”
“Wull, Dolbert’s about the smartest man I know. He stays up nights readin’.”
Dolbert chittered some comment.
“Dolbert says he’s ’specially partial to the poetry of Sheats and Kelley.”
Jeremy nodded, then did a take. “Shouldn’t that be ‘Keats and Shelley’?”
Dolbert chortled.
“Not where we come from,” Luster said.
Dolbert thought that was very funny indeed.
Thirty-seven
Queen’s Dining Hall
“… so Sheila and I went back to the weird aspect where the cloud was,” Linda was saying. “We reversed the thing’s rotation, and it started absorbing the clone Snowclaws. We told all of them to report back to the aspect for … well, for getting sucked back up into the thing, and they went. Snowclaw’s clones are good troupers.”
“That’s because Snowclaw’s a good trouper,” Dalton said. “But the question that arises is, what did they feel about vanishing into the oblivion from which they came?”
Linda waved the issue away. “We didn’t ask. And I don’t want to think about it.”
“If you start thinking about things like that when you do magic,” Sheila said, “you’ll never sleep at night. I still have a submarine crew I created sitting around doing nothing — but that’s another story.”
Dalton took a sip of coffee. “By the way, where’s the real Snowclaw?”
Linda froze, then put down her toast and looked at Sheila. “Did you —?”
“Well, I thought you knew where he was,” Sheila said.
“Oh, my God,” Linda said, hands up to her face. “You don’t think he got …?”
“Oh, I expect he’s around somewhere,” Dalton said. “He can certainly take care of himself.”
“Well, anyway,” Linda said, “it’s been a crazy couple of days. I hope the cosmic disturbance is over. I wouldn’t want to go through that again.”
“You’re sure all the strangers have been shooed out?” Dalton asked.
“Whoever’s left, the Guardsmen ought to take care of,” Sheila said.
“What about the bogus Incarnadines?” Thaxton said.
“We don’t know about those,” Linda said. “They all seemed pretty much immune to whatever we were doing. In fact, they all seemed to be having a pretty good time.”
“I hope Lord Incarnadine managed to get back,” Dalton said.
“I sent a page up to the laboratory to check. He ought to be reporting soon. I kind of suspect Incarnadine returned okay. Things are quieting down.”
“There he is,” Sheila said.
Gene and Snowclaw had entered the dining hall.
“Hi, guys!” Snowclaw said, throwing down his broadax.
“I found him sleeping in my room,” Gene said.
“I was tired. Besides, I was sick of looking at myself all over, so I thought I’d get some sleep. Great White Stuff, am I hungry!”
“Dig in,” Linda said. “I had the cooks bring your beeswax candles and Thousand Island dressing.”
“Thanks! Sometimes I like beeswax, sometimes paraffin. It depends on my mood.”
Snowclaw dipped a candle into a bowl of dressing and popped it into his toothy maw.
Thaxton looked disgusted and put down his Reuben sandwich.
Other Guests entered the hall, laughing and chattering away. Deena Williams waved and said hello.