He pressed his thumb to my lips. “I know.”
I ate my meal in silence with my lover next me. The events of the past twenty-four hours began to sink in. Tane, the asshole, and our blood bond, which some parts of me still didn’t want to believe. Who the hell did I piss off in heaven to deserve such a fate?
There was probably a line of souls waiting for their turn to stick it to me. I swallowed my mouthful.
Luckard, I wasn’t capable of dwelling on at the moment. The part of my brain that kept me acting normal couldn’t touch those memories yet, not unless I wanted to begin blubbering and finding corners to hide in.
Colby and his killer. I glanced at Rurik and swallowed my last bite.
He sat next to me on the bed staring at nothing, his knees drawn to his chest.
My meeting with Colby suddenly weighed heavy. I never got the chance to tell my lover anything. “Rurik?”
Whatever reverie held him vanished with my query. He raised his head and fixed me with his icy blue stare. Sorrow filled them. In the last year, they never looked at me this way. My courage disappeared like a golden coin at a second rate magician’s show. I couldn’t endure hurting him again. One heartache per day, thank you very much.
“I just wanted to say thanks.”
“It was nothing. Not as if I cooked it.” A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“Not the food. For taking care of me.” I tried to touch his arm, but he’d sat bolt upright and wheeled around as if I’d slapped him instead.
His eyes narrowed as his brow furrowed. “Take care of you? I failed you. They took you from my hands like I was a child.” He held them out in front of him and stared at his palms. “I’ve grown incompetent. The only person who means the world to me and they took you without effort.” The skin around his knuckles blanched as he squeezed his fingers into fists. “Helpless, I had to make an alliance with a slayer of all things to get you back. And then—then what they did to you. How can you thank me?” With unnatural speed, he grabbed my upper arms and trapped them against my body as he pulled me closer, knocking the tray to the floor.
I struggled. Not the way I would if we played a game, more as if my life depended on it. I freed my right arm and gave him a full on slap across the face.
The shock of his expression mirrored what I felt. He let me go and staggered off the bed.
“Don’t grab me like that, Rurik.” My voice trembled. Fear gripped my gut and nausea rolled the fish in my stomach. Where the hell did that come from? When his hands pinned my arms, I flashed back to Luckard. The way he held me as we walked through the slums of Rio also secured my arms in a similar manner. “I’m going to need some time to figure things out.” And a boatload of therapy. Holy crap. A cold sweat covered my skin and I wiped at a bead that threatened to drip into my eye.
Rurik growled as he swiveled to punch the wall. Again and again.
It startled a cry from me and I started to shake. “Stop it!” The blankets fell to my waist as I let them go to wrap my arms around myself.
A puff of plaster dust settled around my vampire lover. He’d left a hole in the wall.
“I will tear Luckard’s hide off one strip at a time for what he did to you, Rabbit.” He snarled out this promise before pacing the room. “Every lash he gave you, I’ll inflict ten.”
I hoped he did and once he was done, I wanted my turn with the whip. Tane may have healed my skin but my soul still bled.
“I’ll have to hunt the bastard down.” Rurik still paced from the bed to the wall and back. His words sunk in and I finally understood what he wanted to do.
With a jerk of my hand, I pulled the blankets off my legs and stood in his path. “You can’t go after him.” The crazy fool would get himself killed hunting Luckard. Not all vampires were created equal. Rurik had once explained that the Nosferatu clan sacrificed most of their humanity in exchange for greater strength and power. Rurik’s people hailed closer to their origins so they could easily pass for human, and it made them weaker.
“Why not?”
Thousands of excuses came to mind but not one that wouldn’t insult. “Let Tane find Luckard. It’s his responsibility, not yours.”
“As your master?” He loomed as his anger projected onto me. “He doesn’t care about you, Rabbit. I should be the one to protect you. Or do you think I’m incapable of it?”
I grabbed my head as Rurik spun our conversation around. “Oh my God, when did I get on this crazy train?”
“You always doubt me. I’m more than just a play thing.” His voice quieted on the last statement. “I used to rule the most powerful city in Europe.”
“And gave it up because of me.”
His glare softened and it seemed as if he saw me for the first time since Tane left the room. “No, I didn’t.”
I blinked.
“Politically, it was sound for me to leave. My people had all left. What’s the point of ruling an empty city? I left Tane with a powerless shell, and in return, I gained the sympathy of the councils.” He sighed and gave me a small crooked smile. “My people have scattered to all the winds yet still report back. I have more influence now than ever before.” He tapped his head with a finger. “Not just pretty.”
“No, sometimes too clever for your own good.” I took a deep breath and swallowed what pride I still possessed. “Don’t leave me alone.” The thought of being left to my own ideations seemed daunting, as if I stood on the edge of a cliff with the soil crumbling beneath my feet. Clutching at any distraction kept me from going over and falling into the pit of despair I’d recently climbed out of. I didn’t think my sanity could survive.
“Connie.” Pain laced my name. He reached out to hold me, but hesitated.
I met him the rest of the way and rushed into his waiting arms. “They never even asked me any questions. I would have done anything to make them stop hurting me…”
My words turned into sobs. I hated Luckard even more for turning me into a blubbering idiot.
Rurik carried me to the bed and crawled in next to me. His arms felt safe. Strong and solid, his presence became my anchor in the storm of insecurity that raged inside.
The raw memories of the whip as it bit into my flesh hurt. I’d tried to deny them, except they were too vivid and fresh. How could I deal with it? I’d never been tortured before. The shame of what extent I would have gone to just to make them stop.
With my head on his shoulder, Rurik ran his fingers through my hair.
I flinched. I couldn’t help it.
He pulled his hand away and went to rest it on my hip, but stopped mid-air then placed in on the bed. “Mon Dieu, Connie. I don’t know what to do.”
The skin of his neck, where it pressed against my face, felt warm. He’d fed before returning to our room. “Don’t stop touching me. They win if we let them do that to us.” I kissed him behind the ear, a gentle press of my lips, and whispered in his ear. “I might be jumpy, you’ll have to help me get over it.”
“Did th—” He cleared his throat. “Did any of them take—rape—”
“No!” Like I didn’t have enough issues.
He grimaced since I’d shouted by his ear.
“Sorry.” I drew his face toward mine and kissed the tip of his nose.
His eyes fluttered shut.
I kissed each lid with their thick, dark lashes. It tickled as they brushed along my lips. His hair matched them in color as I ran my fingers through the long strands.
He sat so very still, as if afraid to move and spook me. We had our share of road bumps in this relationship, but yesterday we hit a freaking land mine.
Things had gotten so complex in such a short amount of time. It didn’t sound like Rurik would leave me. The knot in my stomach tightened. Would I have to stay here in Tane’s city now that we’d confirmed our blood bond? I didn’t want to.