Tandro’s words broke off before he went into details of what he meant, bringing Jake a good deal of relief. He’d been able to keep himself from remembering that he’d been forced to react like a frightened girl during that second switching, and even now he couldn’t do more than touch on the subject from a distance. The time had been so devastating that it was a miracle he hadn’t gone crazy…
“Hey, it’s all right,” Risdin said, putting a hand to Tandro’s shoulder in shared compassion. “That’s actually the worst part of being a strong man or woman. If you’re weak you just do as you’re told even if you don’t like it, thereby proving that you don’t have to be humiliated all that badly in order to obey completely. But the strong ones hold back part of themselves in spite of the drug, and the slavers always know the difference. And always do something to make them want to stop holding back. Sometimes that kind breaks rather than bends, which doesn’t make much sense to me. If you break and lose it completely, you can’t comfort yourself with the dream of escaping some day and finding a way to get even.” “I think you’re possibly the bravest person I’ve ever met,” Jake said to her with as good a smile as he could manage, speaking the truth.
“Backing down seems to be against my nature, even when it happens to be the sensible course of action. If I’d at least pretended to back down yesterday, Himlin probably wouldn’t have done what he did to me.”
“It might be a good idea to remember that for next time,” Risdin said with a much better smile than his. “In the meantime your food is getting cold, so you two eat up while I fetch the coffee. We have important things to do today.”
That reminded Jake of Tain’s “plan,” but before he could ask any questions Risdin turned and left the alcove. He tackled the food while he waited for the woman to come back, but even when she did he found he couldn’t question her. He didn’t understand why until he was almost finished eating, and if he hadn’t been so hollow he would have lost his appetite. Tain had told him that he didn’t yet need to know the plan, and that was what had kept him from questioning Risdin.
Heavier depression tried to crowd into Jake’s mind, but he banished it by forcing himself to anger. Risdin’s advice wasn’t easy to take, but he needed to be in real control of himself; knowing that he would be free in just a little while should keep him going, and once he was free…
Once he was back where he belonged and free of the drug he’d never have to see Ms. Tain Halliday ever again…
Tain awoke to the aroma of food, an aroma that made her returning appetite stir. When she opened her eyes she saw Risdin crouched beside her with a plate, a smile on the other woman’s face.
“If you weren’t ready to wake up I didn’t want to disturb you, so I just waved the food under your nose,” she said, making a small gesture with the plate. “We ought to have company at any time, so let’s get eating out of the way before they get here.”
“Good idea,” Tain agreed, sitting up and stretching a little before taking the plate. “But the next meal will be mine to make. You’ve already had more than your turn.”
“I’ll take cooking over sneaking around near slavers any day,” Risdin said with a small sound of scorn as she straightened up. “If I let you do the cooking then I might have to do the sneaking, so no thank you. I like this arrangement much better the way it is right now.”
Tain smiled as Risdin left the alcove, understanding that Risdin needed something to keep her busy. Waiting while other people risked themselves and your safety—was often harder than doing the risking personally, and having something to occupy your time also helped to save your sanity. If Risdin was happy with the way things were right now, Tain would not argue the arrangement.
It didn’t take long to eat the food and drink the coffee that had been put down next to the pallet, and then Tain got into her “clothes.” It still wasn’t time to get rid of the trappings of a slave, and thinking about how much she hated the costume helped to keep her thoughts away from Killen. She knew how unhappy he would be about what she’d done last night, and her best bet would be to add to that unhappiness without being obvious about it.
Tain was certain that Killen was the sort to risk himself for a woman he cared about, and that was the best reason to make sure he didn’t care. They still had some touchy situations ahead of them, and if Killen died trying to protect her it would be worse for Tain than if she died instead. She couldn’t get involved with the man without having her life fall apart, but that didn’t mean something inside her wouldn’t break if he were killed.
Taking a deep breath helped Tain regain control of the agitation that wanted to send her to Killen with an apology, and then she was able to leave the alcove and head toward the area given the men. She was a professional, after all, so her expression would be just what she wanted it to be. For as long as she had to have it that way…
Killen and Tandro sat talking quietly, neither of them noticing Tain when she stopped in the doorway. The empty plates and cups near their pallets said they’d already been given breakfast, which made one less thing to worry about.
“Good morning, you two,” Tain said, drawing their immediate attention. “You can get up and walk around and even put on your body cloths, but don’t try to leave this underground area. Risdin may have mentioned that we’re expecting the arrival of more of the women in her group, so you men will have to be as unobtrusive as possible. I don’t think I have to tell you why.”
“Some of them will hate us, and some of them will be afraid of us,” Killen said with a nod as he immediately reached for his body cloth. “I would have understood the point before yesterday, but now I really understand it.”
“What about the girl, Ennie?” Tandro asked as he also reached for his body cloth. “Is she safe? Is she likely to be with the females coming here?”
“I made sure she’d be safe before I went after you two,” Tain answered slowly, wondering about the odd expression Tandro seemed to be trying to hide behind easy calm. “As to whether or not she’ll be coming back here, I really don’t know. Why do you ask?”
“I’m the one who was supposed to be responsible for her,” Tandro answered evenly, but this time he avoided Tain’s gaze. “I’d really hate to be blamed if—something happened to her.”
“I see,” Tain murmured, well aware of the fact that she hadn’t demanded that the men tell her the truth. Oddly enough it hadn’t occurred to her that Tandro might actually have feelings for Ennie, but now that she thought back there were signs enough that her own problems hadn’t let her notice at the time. It was almost laughable that Ennie had decided no one cared about her when she was with a man who actually did care.
But Tandro’s been hiding his true feelings, and I don’t understand why,
Tain thought as she left the alcove and headed for the cooking area. If
Ennie has become more than just another female for him, why didn’t he say - Tain’s mental stewing stopped short when an answer came, an answer that should have been perfectly obvious. Tandro hadn’t said or done anything to show his true feelings because he knew Ennie wasn’t part of his world. The girl would only be on this planet for a short while, and then she would leave Tandro behind and return to her normal life. The native must have felt pitiful falling in love with someone he considered completely beyond his reach, but that was a typical male reaction. It had probably never occurred to him to ask Ennie how she felt about it…
Tain bypassed the cooking area and returned to her pallet to collect her plate and cup, then she joined Risdin where the other woman sat drinking coffee. After Tain refilled her own cup she spoke to Risdin about how the other women would be getting to the underground area, having wondered if her guess would turn out to be right.