I studied her. Ohtwenty-one.
She was pleased. Of course you took off five years to be polite, so you guessed it exactly. Im twenty-six. So it isnt true that having babies makes a girl look older. Of course, if you had a lot of them, eight or ten, but by that time you would be older. I just dont believe I would look younger if I hadnt had two babies. Do you?
I was on a spot. I had accepted the invitation with my eyes and ears open. I had told my hostess that I was acquainted with the nature and significance of the affair and she could count on me. I had on my shoulders the responsibility of the moral and social position of the community, some of it anyhow, and here this cheerful unmarried mother was resting the whole problem on the single question, had it aged her any? If I merely said no, it hadnt, which would have been both true and tactful, it would imply that I agreed that the one objection to her career was a phoney. To say no and then proceed to list other objections that were not phonies would have been fine if I had been ordained, but I hadnt, and anyway she had certainly heard of them and hadnt been impressed. I worked it out in three seconds, on the basis that while it was none of my business if she kept on having babies, I absolutely wasnt going to encourage her. So I lied to her.
Yes, I said.
What? She was indignant. You do?
I was firm. I do. You admitted that I took you for twenty-six and deducted five years to be polite. If you had had only one baby I might have taken you for twenty-three, and if you had had none I might have taken you for twenty. I cant prove it, but I might. Wed better get on with the pudding. Some of them have finished.
She turned to it, cheerfully.
Apparently the guests of honour had been briefed on procedure, for when Hackett, on signal, pulled back Mrs Robilottis chair as she arose, and we chevaliers did likewise for our partners, they joined the hostess as she headed for the door. When they were out we sat down again.
Cecil Grantham blew a breath, a noisy gust, and said, The last two hours are the hardest.
Robilotti said, Brandy, Hackett.
Hackett stopped pouring coffee to look at him. The cabinet is locked, sir.
I know it is, but you have a key.
No, sir, Mrs Robilotti has it.
It seemed to me that that called for an embarrassed silence, but Cecil Grantham laughed and said, Get a hatchet.
Hackett poured coffee.
Beverly Kent, the one with a long narrow face and big ears, cleared his throat. A little deprivation will be good for us, Mr Robilotti. After all, we understood the protocol when we accepted the invitation.
Not protocol, Paul Schuster objected. Thats not what protocol means. Im surprised at you, Bev. Youll never be an ambassador if you dont know what protocol is.
I never will anyway, Kent declared. Im thirty years old, eight years out of college, and what am I? An errand boy in the Mission to the United Nations. So Im a diplomat? But I ought to know what protocol is better than a promising young corporation lawyer. What do you know about it?
Not much. Schuster was sipping coffee. Not much about it, but I know what it is, and you used it wrong. And youre wrong about me being a promising young corporation lawyer. Lawyers never promise anything. Thats about as far as Ive got, but Im a year younger than you, so theres hope.
Hope for who? Cecil Grantham demanded. You or the corporations?
About that word protocol, Edwin Laidlaw said, I can settle that for you. Now that Im a publisher Im the last word on words. It comes from two Greek words, prхtos , meaning first, and kolla , meaning glue. Now why glue? Because in ancient Greece a prхtokollon was the first leaf, containing an account of the manuscript, glued to a roll of papyrus. Today a protocol may be any one of various kinds of documentsan original draft of something, or an account of some proceeding, or a record of an agreement. That seems to support you, Paul, but Bev has a point, because a protocol can also be a set of rules of etiquette. So youre both right. This affair this evening does require a special etiquette.
Im for Paul, Cecil Grantham declared. Locking up the booze doesnt come under etiquette. It comes under tyranny.
Kent turned to me. What about you, Goodwin? I understand youre a detective, so maybe you can detect the answer.
I put my coffee cup down. Im a little hazy, I said, as to what youre after. If you just want to decide whether you used the word protocol right, the best plan would be to get the dictionary. Theres one upstairs in the library. But if what you want is brandy, and the cabinet is locked, the best plan would be for one of us to go to a liquor store. Theres one at the corner of Eighty-second and Madison. We could toss up.
The practical man, Laidlaw said. The man of action.
You notice, Cecil told them, that he knows where the dictionary is and where the liquor store is. Detectives know everything. He turned to me. By the way, speaking of detectives, are you here professionally?
Not caring much for his tone, I raised my brows. If I were, what would I say?
WhyI suppose youd say you werent.
And if I werent what would I say?
Robert Robilotti let out a snort. Touchй , Cece. Try another one. He pronounced it Seese. Cecils mother called him Sessel, and his sister called him Sesse.
Cecil ignored his father-in-law. I was just asking, he told me. I shouldnt ask?
Sure, why not? I was just answering. I moved my head right and left. Since the question has been asked, it may be in all your minds. If I were here professionally I would let it stand on my answer to Grantham, but since Im not, you might as well know it. Austin Byne phoned this morning and asked me to take his place. If any of you are bothered enough you can check with him.
I think, Robilotti said, that it is none of our business. I know it is none of my business.
Nor mine, Schuster agreed.
Oh, forget it, Cecil snapped. What the hell, I was just curious. Shall we join the mothers?
Robilotti darted a glance at him, not friendly. After all, who was the host? I was about to ask, he said, if anyone wants more coffee. No? He left his chair. We will join them in the music room and escort them downstairs and it is understood that each of us will dance first with his dinner partner. If you please, gentlemen?
I got up and shook my pants legs down.
Chapter 3
Ill be darned if there wasnt a live band in the alcovepiano, sax, two violins, clarinet, and traps. A record player and speaker might have been expected, but for the mothers, spare no expense. Of course, in the matter of expense, the fee for the band was about balanced by the saving on liquidsthe soda water in the cocktails, the pink stuff passing for wine at the dinner table, and the brandy banso it wasnt too extravagant. The one all-out splurge on liquids came after we had been dancing an hour or so, when Hackett appeared at the bar and began opening champagne, Cordon Rouge, and poured it straight, no dilution or adulteration. With only an hour to go, apparently Mrs Robilotti had decided to take a calculated risk.
As a dancing partner Rose Tuttle was not a bargain. She was equipped for it physically and she had some idea of rhythm, that wasnt it; it was her basic attitude. She danced cheerfully, and of course that was no good. You cant dance cheerfully. Dancing is too important. It can be wild or solemn or gay or lewd or art for arts sake, but it cant be cheerful. For one thing, if youre cheerful you talk too much. Helen Yarmis was better, or would have been if she hadnt been too damn solemn. We would work into the rhythm together and get going fine, when all of a sudden she would stiffen up and was just a dummy making motions. She was a good size for me, too, with the top of her head level with my nose, and the closer you get to her wide, curved mouth the better you liked itwhen the corners were up.