“If you’re worried, don’t be.” He eased from her pussy, cock still hard. A part of her ached, aware of his emotional withdrawal. “I’d know if you could conceive. It’s part of our nature.”
“You’re upset.” He was, she could tell. Why, she didn’t know. “Are you mad at me?”
“Not at all,” he answered and she knew for certain a part of him was. He rested his lips against her forehead. “This is a lot to accept. You’ve got a lot on your mind. We can address children later.”
“You think I wouldn’t want them.” Of course he’d think that. He didn’t understand. And why should he? He barely knew her. Aside from the strange connection they shared they hadn’t had a chance to really understand each other. “You’re wrong.”
“Am I?” He stuffed his cock into his pants, keeping his tone mellow.
“I’ve always wanted children, I just—” She just what? Was too afraid to put too much stock in the father they could lose? She’d sworn she’d never put a baby in the position she’d been in, losing both parents after one had died. “I’m afraid.” Nothing had ever been harder to confess. “I’m so afraid, Declan. It’s so hard to be alone. I don’t want that for any child. I don’t want that for my children.”
“Rachel.” His hands swept into her hair, forcing her head back. He didn’t look nice now, the pure intensity in his gaze almost more than she could bear. “I’d never abandon our children. No matter what happened. It’s true mates follow their partners into the afterlife, but it’s easier to resist when babes are concerned.”
“It’s so much to take,” she whispered, feeling strangely hollow. Now that her lust had been spent, her emotions were all over the place. “I’m so confused.”
“Damn it.” He quickly adjusted his jeans, got dressed and started to work on her. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at you. Not at all. I’m so proud. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. One day I’ll tell you that and you’ll believe me when I say it.”
She let him dress her, trying to not to cry.
The wolf roared in her head, trying to get her attention. Forcing the animal aside, she caved in on herself. All the thoughts she’d ever had—all the doubts—nagged at her. She couldn’t drown them out, even when she tried to. She wouldn’t survive Declan’s loss, meaning she was just as much a danger to any children she might have.
What if she turned out like her mother?
What if she bestowed the same fate on her child?
“Rachel.” There was an order in Declan’s voice, one she couldn’t push aside. She muddled through the fog, latching on to his voice. “I don’t want to rush you but Chloe is coming. She needs you right now. I know you’ve endured a lot but it’s time to pull yourself together.”
Chloe.
The wolf used the leverage, dragging her from the abyss. The animal clawed at her insides, sliding easily into her mind. Strength returned, filling her with energy. She could use Declan to guide her, relying on his presence. He cradled her when she rested against him, holding her close.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, loathing her weaknesses. “I want to be what you need.”
“You are, sweetheart. You’re stronger than you think.” His arms cradled her, keeping her safe as he brought her to the chair. She didn’t want to let him go but managed to disentangle her arms. He bent at the waist and gave her a chaste kiss. “Hold on for a little while longer. That’s all I ask. Once everything is settled with the pack we can relax. I need you, Rachel. Now more than ever.”
“I’m here.”
She centered her mind, relying on the negative emotions from her youth. While toxic they were also powerful. In that moment she made a vital choice. Although she’d welcomed the wolf she hadn’t truly made her an equal. Doing so frightened her. But fear wouldn’t help anyone, not now. If she wanted to do this, she had to really do this. That meant accepting everything.
Including the animal who kept begging for a slice of her control.
She opened her mind, no longer restraining the wolf. It responded, rushing to the surface. She jerked when it met the barrier of her skin. Her mind opened, knowledge pouring through her. In a split second she recognized the scent of Declan’s seed, was able to scent the sex in the room. Her hearing changed, allowing her to hear Jackson and Chloe as they walked down the hall.
The wolf settled within her, showing her what she needed to see.
She wondered if Declan could sense it.
When he stood behind her, placing one hand around her neck, leaving the marked side bare, she had her answer. He understood. As much as he could, anyway. She steeled herself, waiting for Chloe and Jackson’s arrival. She’d never failed her best friend. Chloe was the only family she had left. She would show her pack the same courtesy, making sure she proved she was worthy of being Declan’s mate.
The door opened and Chloe stepped inside. Her friend’s nostrils flared, her eyes going from green to peridot. Rachel met her gaze and didn’t back down. It wasn’t the time for judgment or shyness. Each of them had wolves beneath their skin. Declan said it was normal, so she was going to believe him.
Chloe—to her credit—seemed to shake the scent aside.
Jackson appeared, then Shane. As the door closed behind them Rachel recalled the way Declan had looked at her. In his eyes she felt wanted—cherished. Funny that she’d fought it for so long yet now she wanted it more than anything. His fingers dug into her skin and she reacted, lifting her hand. She placed her palm over the backs of his knuckles.
“I’ve spoken to Chloe,” Jackson said, studying the two of them. He put his arm around Chloe’s waist, keeping her near. “She’s agreed to take on the responsibility of a larger pack but I’m going to need support.”
Declan’s fingers tightened, his grip nearly too much. Instead of shrugging him off she stroked the back of his hand. He needed to be calm. In order for that to happen she had to prove she was equal to the task, ready to meet everything he had to head-on. She’d do whatever he wanted. Once he made a choice she’d make sure to back him up.
“Ask my mate,” Declan said, shocking the hell out of her. “It’s her choice.”
“Rachel, I know you need Declan but the pack needs him too. All of us do. We’re weaker without him. What do you say?” Jackson asked, gauging her response. She had to give him credit for not using Chloe as leverage. “Will you stand with us? Are you in or are you out?”
No one spoke, the weight in the room increasing. She drew a steadying breath.
No more whining.
No more hiding.
She had nothing to be ashamed of. Not anymore.
“We’re family,” she answered, her attention landing on Chloe. She gave her friend a smile and warmth spread over her. Maybe it was fucked up but this was where she was meant to be. “I’m in.”
Chapter Ten
Rachel’s head hurt. For the last hour she’d devised a plan with the Jackson, Chloe, Declan and Shane. Afterward she’d had to face the pack, who’d voiced their doubts. It seemed to go on forever—a constant back and forth. Eventually everyone had calmed down and agreed. When the hunt came, they’d reveal their hand. For once Rachel hadn’t shivered at the reminder of her change, grateful everyone had managed to finally come together.
The pack had left shortly thereafter. Then Chloe had retreated with Gavin to the kitchen.
Rachel tried to keep her eyes open, damning the call of sleep. Again she’d nodded off, lulled to the land of dreams. She rocked her torso, bumping her back against the cushions. Her muscles felt different, like she’d worked out hard. She felt sore all over. A bit achy too, like she’d come down with a cold or flu bug.