“I love you so much, Mel. And I've been such a fucking ass.”
“No, you haven't. We've both been. So much happened in so little time. And our work puts so much pressure on us both.” He couldn't disagree with that.
“What do you want to do about the house? Do you still want to move? I will if you want us to.” He had thought about it a lot in the past few days, and he didn't want to give up the house he loved, but if it meant that much to her, and there really wasn't enough room for the twins, unless maybe they exchanged rooms with Pam, and he knew she'd have a fit. “What do you think?”
“I think we should stay where we are for a while, and let everyone settle down before we make any more changes at all, and that goes for Mrs. Hahn too.” He was relieved at what she said and he thought she was right. They all needed time to settle down now. So everything was resolved, except her miseries at her job, and what to do about their unborn child. “Do you really want to come up here?”
“Yes, I do. I feel like we haven't been alone for years. We even took the kids to Mexico on our honeymoon.”
She laughed at that. “Whose idea was that?”
“All right … mea culpa … but anyway, a romantic weekend sounds fabulous to me right now.”
“I'll do my best. Keep your fingers crossed.”
She did and he called her back the next day. He had gotten two surgeons on the team to split the weekend and cover for him. It had taken a little negotiation, but he had been so intense about it that they had both agreed.
“I'll be there in two days,”
“Good.” And she needed that much time to herself to think about whether she wanted an abortion or not. She really wasn't sure. “How are the kids, by the way?”
“Fine. And really beginning to appreciate you.” And so was he. He could hardly wait to see her on Friday night. It was like the days when she was living in New York, only worse, because he knew what he was missing now. And he told her so. “I miss you too, Mel, more than you know.” It had been a ghastly week for him. And Iris Lee had died that day, but he had expected it, and he didn't tell Mel that. They had their own problems now, without adding another thing. He was more worried about her, than his patients now. “Are you feeling all right?”
“I'm fine.”
And he didn't ask her if she'd made up her mind yet. And the next day she took a long walk in Muir Woods, and tried to think about what she wanted to do. Again and again she came back to what she had told Val … “I don't know if I could have done what you did …"I t was not a condemnation, whatever Val might have thought at the time. There was something about aborting a child at her age, married to a man she loved, with plenty of money between them both. There was no reason for it, no way she could explain it to herself, and perhaps there would be no way she could live with it. “But do you want the child?” she asked herself, and that was where she got hung up. She wasn't sure. But what an ugly luxury to dispose of a life because she wasn't in the mood, it didn't fit in with her job, it annoyed her other kids … and there they were again … the all-powerful others in her life, husband, children … what she owed them. What did she owe herself! And suddenly she heard her own voice in the woods. “I want this child.” She was so startled that she looked around, as though to see who had spoken those words, but she knew she had. She felt a thousand-pound weight lift off her heart and she smiled. She looked at her watch. It was time for lunch. She had to take care of the baby if she were having it … I want this child … the words had been so strong and sure, and so was she as she made her way back to her car, walking through the woods.
CHAPTER 31
As she stood at the gate waiting for him, Mel felt the dampness in her palms, and the same nervousness she had felt a year before. It was like starting all over again, except that it would be better this time. He was the third one off the plane and she flew into his arms. It had been an endless week.
“Oh, Mel…” Tears filled his eyes and he was beyond words as he clung to her. He didn't even care what she did about the baby now. He wanted her and only her … and no more so than she wanted him.
“God, I missed you so much.” But as she pulled away from him, smiling and with tears in her eyes, he saw that she looked better than she had in months. She looked rested and relaxed and the frown between her brows was gone.
“You look wonderful, Mel.”
“So do you.” And then she looked down at the zipper in her slacks that had barely closed and was straining now. “I've gained a little weight here and there.” He wasn't sure what to say and she smiled at him. “I've decided that …” She felt strange saying the words. Who was she to decide about a life. It was what she had said to him a long time ago. God decided that, he didn't, and neither did she. “The baby's going to be fine.”
“It is?” He wanted to be sure he understood what she meant.
“Yes.” She beamed.
“Are you sure?”
“I'am.”
“For me?” He didn't want her to do that. She had to want it too, and it was a lot to ask, given the fact that they had five others at home, and the ultra-demanding job she had.
“For myself, for you, for us … for all of us …” She blushed and he took her hand. “But mostly for me.” She told him what had happened when she was walking in the woods and tears filled his eyes as he pulled her close to him again.
“Oh, Mel.”
“I love you.” It was all she could say, and arm in arm they walked outside, and shared a weekend like no other they had ever shared.
They started the drive home slowly Sunday afternoon, and took Route 5 so it wouldn't be quite as long, and by ten o'clock they were home, and as she looked at the house, Mel felt as though she had been gone for years. She stood outside for a moment or two and just smiled, but Peter took her hand and walked her inside. “Come on, kiddo, let's get you to bed. That's a long drive for you.” He was treating her like Venetian glass and she smiled at him.
“I think I'll live.” But as soon as she stepped inside the house, there was an explosion of sound. The kids had heard them drive up, and Pam had looked outside and given a horrendous squeal.
“They're home!” She was first down the stairs, and threw her arms around Mel. “Welcome back!” It wasn't welcome home, but it was close. And the twins hugged her, and Mark, and Matthew woke up from all the noise and wanted to sleep in her bed that night. When they had all finally returned to their rooms again after almost an hour of chatter and noise and talk, Mel lay on their bed and looked at Peter with a happy smile.
“They're all good kids, aren't they?”
“They have a good mother.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. “I promise, Mel. I'll do everything I can to make things easier for you.” But there was only so much he could do, and that night he got a call at two A.M. He was back on call, and one of his bypasses needed him at once. And the next time Mel saw him again was when he came home at noon to change his clothes. She had the house back in control, had told Mrs. Hahn what she wanted served for dinner that night, and Peter noticed with a grin that Mrs. Hahn did not look pleased. But she made no complaint to him. And Peter changed his clothes and hurried off to work, just as Mel left. She smiled and waved as they pulled out of the driveway in their separate cars. Pam was getting herself to the shrink alone that day, as she had done the week before when Mel was gone. Mark had said he'd be home after dinner but not too late, since he had exams the next day, the twins were playing tennis with friends, but would be in by five o'clock. Mrs. Hahn was picking Matthew up at school, as she had a year before, and Mel was off to work for the first time in a week, and when she got in, even Paul Stevens's viciousness couldn't dampen her spirits today. Everything felt too damn good.