It hurt to open her eyes. Olivia scrubbed a fist at them in hopes of knocking the salt loose. Painfully she pried one open then the other. Micah was not in the room but his scent lingered. Rolling on to her stomach, she winced when the bunched blankets hit the sore spot on her neck. She scooted off the bed and stretched.
“Oh God, what have I done?” Her heart hurt when she realized that she’d done what she’d sworn she’d never do again. She’d drawn blood during sex. And then, instead of leaving as she should have, she’d made love to him again.
And he’d held on to her instead of pushing her away. Soothed her with gentle touches and strong arms while she’d cried herself to sleep again. Her life was spinning out of control. First this attraction to Micah then the knowledge of what he was-what she was-and then the blood. Olivia shivered as she wrapped her arms around herself.
“This ends here and now. I won’t let this take over my life. I can’t hurt Micah like that.” Olivia shoved away the knowledge that he’d obviously liked it and returned it. That didn’t matter. He was just responding to her uncontrollable urges. With a firm nod, Olivia slipped out of Micah’s room and headed to her own.
She stopped by Talia’s room, pausing at the door. The slow, even breathing of a sound-asleep child greeted her. Gareth had obviously brought her home earlier since she hadn’t been here when Olivia had cried herself to sleep in Micah’s arms. She wondered if the child had even awakened during the trip. Resting a hand on the door, she whispered, “Love you, Talia. Grow up strong and know who you are.”
Tears traced warmth down Olivia’s cheeks as she unplugged her laptop to secure it in its case. She made a call to the car service that had brought her to the lodge then opened her suitcase. As she folded her clothing into the bag, she tried not to notice the occasional water spot. I swear! You’ve cried more here than you have since Mom and Dad died. Swiping a tear from the edge of her mouth, Olivia closed the suitcase.
Leaving the silk long johns on the bed along with the cap and scarf, she wheeled her suitcase into the hall then picked it up for the suddenly endless trek down the stairs to wait for the car. She knew she’d have to confront Micah. No one could leave or enter the property without him being aware of it.
He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, a silent statue with arms folded over his chest. His hair hung loose around his face and though his pose might have looked casual, she could smell his tension. The air hung heavy between them as she put her luggage by the front door.
“You’re leaving?”
She’d have had to be made of stone not to hear the hurt and disbelief in his voice. His fingers curled around a loose thread on his sweater. She watched as he pulled at the string, almost as though he was trying to pull her back to him. Olivia fought the urge to tell him to stop-it wasn’t her place. She had no right or reason to tell him to do anything. Micah released the string to rub lightly at his chest, reminding her of where her teeth had been scant hours before.
“I have to. I have to finish my story. I can’t stay here. I can’t be what you want me to be.” Words tumbled over each other as she pulled every sad excuse from her repertoire. Turning her head didn’t alleviate the incredible searing pain that blazed through her.
Hurting him was the last thing she wanted to do. Which, she reminded herself, is precisely why you’re waiting for a cab to take you as far from him as possible.
“Why, Olivia? Why are you running? How long can you run from yourself?” He unfolded his arms and walked toward her but stopped when she took a step back. “Liv, this isn’t right. You belong here, with me, with Talia. You’re one of us.”
“No!” The violence inside her projected into that one syllable. “No, Micah, I am not one of you. Maybe, maybe if I’d been with the right family, maybe then all of this would make sense. All it makes right now is crazy. And I can’t afford crazy in my life. Do you even know how much money I spent in therapy? On medicine to keep me sane?”
Olivia backed farther away from him until she hit a wall. “I can’t, Micah, and I won’t.”
A sigh ripped from his lips as his shoulders sagged. “Then that’s that. I can’t make you stay, Olivia. I can’t make you want to be with me.” His voice faded then came back. “I can’t make you be one of us. What about Talia? Will you leave without saying goodbye?”
Tears misted in her eyes. “Tell her I love her and I’ll call her, okay? I can’t say goodbye to both of you. I’m not that strong.”
His chin sunk to his chest then he leveled his gaze at her. “I will always welcome you at my side, Olivia. The mark you left on me will never fade nor will your presence in my heart. I will always-”
A honk from outside interrupted him and Olivia didn’t wait for him to finish. She couldn’t hear him say those words. If she did, she might stay. Instead, she grabbed her luggage and fled as though the hounds of hell were at her heels.
Micah didn’t follow her to the car although she half expected him to. Or hoped. No, not hoped. That implied she wanted to stay and she couldn’t. She wouldn’t trust what was inside her ever again. Leaning back against the vinyl seats, Olivia gave in to the tears she’d held back in front of Micah. She was leaving the man she loved-the child who had stolen her heart when she wasn’t looking. She was leaving the only real home she’d ever found.
Micah stood in the lifeless kitchen until he could no longer hear the motor. Until he was sure he wouldn’t shift and chase her down to drag her back. The savage beast wailing inside him begged him to go after his mate. He had to resist. She had made her choice. Now he had to piece his shattered world back together.
Setting himself to start breakfast, Micah turned to the coffeepot and caught a movement from the doorway.
“Micah? Is everything okay?”
Gareth’s voice carried compassion. Micah knew he knew everything wasn’t okay. Lifting his head, he stared at his friend.
“She’s gone.” The stark words raked razors down his throat but they had to be said-had to be released so he could begin to deal with the loss of his mate.
“I know, Micah. I knew when I hit the door. You want to talk about it or do you want it to be business as usual? Your call.”
The unexpected sympathy knocked Micah off balance. He sought for control as he took a breath and sent the unsteadiness deep into his soul where he could deal with it later.
“What do you have for me, Gareth?”
Gareth read him a few messages that had come in on the answering service, then dove into some repairs some of the cabins needed. Micah tried his best to focus, but couldn’t.
“Sorry, Gareth.” Micah’s words halted Gareth’s seemingly unending litany of things to do. “I know I said business, but I can’t focus. I’m going for a run. Will you keep an eye out for Talia? She should be up soon.”
Not waiting for a response, Micah shed his clothes on the way out. He knew it was irresponsible but he also knew Gareth would pick them up. Right now he didn’t care about fair or right or anything other than running until the pain was gone. He thought he might have to run until he collapsed for that to happen.
He found no joy in the wind whipping past him because there was no sunlight-coated female at his side. That brief moment of joy seemed long gone in the face of this emptiness. Tilting his head, he gave voice to the grief he felt as snow whipped past his churning paws. Answering howls told him his Pack heard but wouldn’t interfere. They grieved with him even though he didn’t accept his place as Alpha and even though they didn’t know the true source of his grief. The thought humbled him.
Racing against the loss was a losing battle and Micah finally admitted that to himself. He slowed to a lope and turned back for the lodge. Talia. He had to let Talia know. Then he had to convince Olivia of what he knew to be the truth.