The promotional material for Fourth Island is far more lavish and not at all defensive. From the Permanent Living Reenactment of the Flag Raising on Iwo Jima to the Rockets’ Red Glare Four-Hour Fireworks Display every night, from the United We Stand Steak House by way of the statue-lined Avenue of the Presidents to the Under God Indivisible Prayer Chapel, it is all on a grand scale, and every last piece of it is red, white, blue, striped, and starred. The Great Joy Corporation is evidently expecting or receiving patriotic visitors in great numbers. Interactive displays of the Museum of Our Heroes, the Gun Show, and the All-American Victory Gardens (salvia, lobelia, candytuft) feature large on the Web site, where one can also at all times recite the Pledge of Allegiance interactively with a chorus of five thousand virtual schoolchildren.
Accommodations on Fourth Island range from The ** George Washington Country Inn to The ****** George W. Bush Grand Luxury Hotel and Suites. (It was foolish of me to hope for a grim motel with hourly rates called The Last Resort of Scoundrels.)
In comparison to the high-rises over white sand beaches, blue sea, red umbrellas, the imposing avenues, and the marble vistas of Fourth Island, Valentine’s Island looks cozy and old-fashioned. It is of course heart-shaped, and Truelove Town is heart-shaped too. Lots of pink and white, lots of lace, lots of honeymoon suites, and second honeymoon suites, and eternal honeymoon suites, at the Chocolate Box Hotel. Bicycles built for two may be rented. Smiling native children dressed—barely—as cupids are photographed aiming paper arrows at smiling couples in bowers of artificial roses. “Well, I suppose if you were in the right mood, with the right person, it might be nice,” says Cousin Sulie, turning over the leaflets a little disdainfully.
The brochure for New Year’s Island says “all facilities brand-new.” There appears to be in fact only one facility: a vast hotel. It has fourteen banquet rooms and six grand ballrooms and a golf course on the roof. The only picture taken out of doors is a view of a great open courtyard strung with Chinese lanterns. New Year’s Island is evidently designed for brief visits, a few hours or a single night, by travelers who have not much time to spend and want to spend it at a party, for aside from the golf course that is all the entertainment offered—”The Party of Your Life!”
Actually a wide choice of parties: one in a gilded ballroom, with balloons and waltzes and an orchestra; one in a “Greenwhich Village Flapper Days Loft,” with jazz and bootleg gin; one in a “Cheers-Type Bar,” one at a “Sixties Hippie Love-In,” and so on. An appropriate costume for the evening, from ball gown or black tie to purple mohawk wig and temporary nose and lip studs, may be rented. Studying the faces in the photographs of parties in progress, I’d guess that an appropriate companion for the evening may also be rented. Among the dancers, at the buffet tables, clinking champagne glasses, are a lot of pretty, young women and handsome, fortyish men. They are all slender, all dark, and all smiling. They don’t look like tourists. The tourists do.
I got the impression from these brochures that a visit to the Great Joy Corporation’s plane might be quite expensive, though no prices are listed. If you call the 800 number or try to find out on the Net, they just assure you that transportation to the plane is “absolutely free,” and suggest brightly that you’ll want to bring a “valid credit card.” Cousin Sulie tells me that “it isn’t half as bad as that place with the funny name in Florida that Sally Ann insisted on us going to. Honey, those people, they’ll skin you.”
On New Year’s Island just before midnight (which I believe occurs every twelve hours, possibly every six) everybody who can still stand up flocks out to the great courtyard, where a three-story-tall TV screen shows the ball falling down in Times Square. Everybody holds hands and champagne glasses with the usual difficulty and sings “Auld Lang Syne.” There are fireworks and more champagne, and the party goes on. And on, and on. I wonder how they clean the party rooms. Maybe they have duplicate rooms, one in use and one being cleaned. Maybe nobody notices. I wonder how they get drunks back to their airport of origin on time, and if they don’t, do they get sued? Not that it’s any use suing a corporation. I wonder what they give people to smoke at the Hippie Love-In Party and to use at the Punk Underground Party, and how they get them back where they started.
Anyhow, where it’s always New Year’s Eve it’s never New Year’s Day. No resolutions need be made. There’s no need even to send the partygoers home so long as they’re willing to carry on partying until the countdown begins again and the ball falls down in Times Square again and the fireworks go off again and they sing “Auld Lang Syne” again and have some more champagne. Beyond this my imagination balks. It will not furnish me with any further possibilities concerning life on New Year’s Island. It informs me that there are none.
Cousin Sulie and I don’t see eye to eye on everything, but in this case we agree. “I wouldn’t go to that party island,” she said. “I always did hate New Year’s Eve.”
I noticed that one element of the entertainment in the great courtyard was a Chinese New Year in San Francisco Dragon Parade. The natives in the picture look far more convincing as Chinese Americans than as cupids or elves or Revolutionary soldiers crossing the Delaware. It got me to wondering if there were any, as it were, un-American islands on the Great Joy Corporation plane. Sulie was vague about this. “There’s lots of islands,” she said. “Some of them might be foreign.”
With this and other questions in mind, I called my friend Sita Dulip. To my surprise, she had not even heard about the plane. I told her what I could and sent her all the literature I had.
After a week or two she called me back. She had tried to contact the Great Joy Corporation and had the expectable difficulty getting anywhere behind the 800 number. But Sita is knowledgeable and persistent, and she finally sweet-talked her way to somebody in Public Relations, who sent her a set of literature and fliers, much the same as those Sulie had collected, and also a list of memos on Island Projects. These had been generated by the PR and Development departments and were apparently under consideration by the decision makers of the corporation. They included:
Isla Cinco de Mayo (a fully developed plan that is evidently about to be implemented)
Sit Seder Every Night! (lack of detailed information on this indicates that the project has been shelved)
Kwanzaa! Afric-Island (a rough sketch of facilities and “participatory entertainments,” with approving notations from higher-ups, such as Go for if)
Tét Everlasting (almost no details)
Holi Holi Holi (a long, enthusiastic memo, describing all the possibilities of colored water and colored powder and classical Indian dance, signed R. Chandranathan, which does not seem to have received encouragement from above)
Sita continues to investigate the Great Joy Corporation and its plane.
HAVING WRITTEN THIS MUCH, I decided to put the piece away until I had heard from Sita again. It was nearly a year before she got in touch and brought me up to date.
Soon after we talked, Sita decided to notify the Interplanary Agency of the operations of the Great Joy Corporation on “The Holiday Plane™”—which turned out to have been known for centuries to the Agency. It is described (in its original state) and listed in the Encyclopedia Planaria as Musu Sum.
The Agency, as may be imagined, is overloaded with the tasks of registering and investigating newly discovered planes, installing and inspecting transfer points, hostels, and tourist facilities, regulating interplanar relations, and a thousand such responsibilities. But when they learned that a plane had been closed to free entry and exit and was being operated as a sort of prison camp for its inhabitants to the profit of the operators, they acted at once, decisively.