content, a system which has, and can continue, to use effectively the patterns of coping which they, themselves, have established. The outcome which delights us the most is a family therapy session which ends with the members understanding the process which occurred in it (thereby determining the direction for continued change by identifying the next step) and explicitly learning the tools/ skills/steps in the process. Such a session affords us the opportunity provided by the experience of entering a room with closed windows, opening the windows and discovering yet another room with closed windows but also with the keys (tools) needed to enter the next one and the next one.
Getting Feedback from Family Members
Consistent with the principles of acting as a model for effective, clear communication, is the therapist's recognition that the process of feedback in an open system flows in both directions; thus, he insures that each and every family member has the opportunity to comment on his experience of the process of the therapeutic session. At the same time, of course, this checking-out with each family member allows the therapist and the other family members to comprehend the changes they have begun, to understand the way in which they can make meaning out of the process which they have been experiencing in the session, and to appreciate how they have learned the tools of the process of change. During this time, in addition to commenting on the session, the individual family members have the opportunity to ask questions to clarify portions of their experience which they do not fully understand, thus making available to them the tools which they need for further growth, and, thereby, breaking the last of their old rules. This activity also provides the therapist with a chance to help them to make sense out of their experience of the process of change in which they have involved themselves, and, further, allows him to change and to understand the new choices now available for himself. If we finish a session and have failed to learn something from it, we take it as a message that, somehow, we were out of tune with this family.
Homework
The process of change and growth for the family which begins in the therapeutic session does not stop when the session comes to an end. As the family returns to their home, the experiences which they created with the therapist in the family therapy session serve as a model for further change. One of the things which the therapist strives to accomplish in his review is to present the process of change which was begun in the session in such a way that the next step in the ongoing process is apparent; thus, the family will be conscious of how they may choose to continue their growth after the session.
We have distinguished three kinds of homework assignments which we have found useful in our family therapy work. The first assignment is for the family to set aside a specific time and place in their home wherein they can practice what we call interrupt signals. When the family leaves the therapeutic session, no matter how effective, dramatic and far-reaching are the changes which they succeeded in making, they return to an environment which is associated in their experience with the patterns of calibrated communication which they are changing. The physical surroundings, alone, are a powerful stimulus for the re-activation of the cycles which have caused them so much pain and dissatisfaction in the past. In addition to the tangible environment, the experiences associated with work and school, and the everyday activities of daily life today, conspire to activate the old destructive patterns. Interrupt signals are cues upon which the family members agree (usually selected by them just prior to ending a therapeutic session) and which any member of the family may use whenever he detects one of the patterns of calibrated communication which they have been working to change. The therapist should be alert to assist the family members in selecting appropriate signals. These cues are chosen by considering:
a) The calibration pattern to be interrupted;
b) The capabilities of the family members involved.
For example, if the pattern to be interrupted is one in which a family member refuses to listen to the other members of the family, then an interrupt signal which is auditory will fail to be effective, while a kinesthetic and/or visual signal would be appropriate. An example of the way the therapist should consider the capabilities of the individual family members is the one which we use in families with children. We have found it more effective to plan interrupt signals which do not depend upon verbal skills. In our experience, the use of sculpturing postures as an interrupt signal for families with youngsters has been very effective. We have found that this cue, once properly selected, must be practiced by the family. By setting aside a specific time and place for practice in interrupting the destructive patterns, the family members are more likely to be able to use them effectively under stress, when they are actually needed. The practice sessions for interrupt signals can provide an occasion for fun and laughter for the family when approached as a form of entertainment or as a game.
The second class of homework is scheduled times and places for the family members to practice the specific forms of feedback which they have developed in the therapeutic session to replace the calibrated communication loops which they succeeded in changing. During these sessions, the family members create, by acting out experiences which were formerly connected with the calibration loops, by fantasy role-playing (fantasizing, and then presenting situations in which the family members can imagine the former calibration loops' being activated), or by any other means which they are able to develop so that they can give each other feedback. We suggest to families that, during these exercises, one of the family members not involve himself directly in the feedback exercise, but, at its conclusion, offer feedback to the other members who were directly interacting and providing simultaneous feedback. This outside member also has the agreed-upon authority to stop the exercise if he decides that the feedback is being changed once again into a form of calibrated communication.
The third kind of homework which we have found useful is scheduled sessions in which the family explicitly review the tools/skills/steps in the process of change in which they are all involved. This kind of exercise is different from the second kind in that the family members are not practicing specific kinds of feedback in specific kinds of situations, but, rather, they are identifying and using the techniques of change at the level of coping. For example, the family might discuss and role-play the way in which they, along with the therapist, discovered and broke a calibrated communication loop in their last therapeutic session. Then, the family members apply the specific process steps which they have identified in that experience to their ongoing interaction since the last therapeutic session, attempting to become aware of, and break, additional calibrated loops. Again, in this type of exercise, we suggest that one of the family members remain outside of direct involvement in the process for control over the whole. This kind of exercise is designed explicitly to continue the process of change, and to give the family members the skills they need to open up their present system. We call this the process of becoming congruent — the process in which people who formerly felt compelled now feel free to choose. Risk-taking becomes the order of the day; the opportunity to try new things is shared, when love, caring, excitement — all become a part of what we believe is the ultimate meaning of living.