a) The calibration pattern to be interrupted;
b) The capabilities of the family members involved.
For example, if the pattern to be interrupted is one in which a family member refuses to listen to the other members of the family, then an interrupt signal which is auditory will fail to be effective, while a kinesthetic and/or visual signal would be appropriate. An example of the way the therapist should consider the capabilities of the individual family members is the one which we use in families with children. We have found it more effective to plan interrupt signals which do not depend upon verbal skills. In our experience, the use of sculpturing postures as an interrupt signal for families with youngsters has been very effective. We have found that this cue, once properly selected, must be practiced by the family. By setting aside a specific time and place for practice in interrupting the destructive patterns, the family members are more likely to be able to use them effectively under stress, when they are actually needed. The practice sessions for interrupt signals can provide an occasion for fun and laughter for the family when approached as a form of entertainment or as a game.
The second class of homework is scheduled times and places for the family members to practice the specific forms of feedback which they have developed in the therapeutic session to replace the calibrated communication loops which they succeeded in changing. During these sessions, the family members create, by acting out experiences which were formerly connected with the calibration loops, by fantasy role-playing (fantasizing, and then presenting situations in which the family members can imagine the former calibration loops' being activated), or by any other means which they are able to develop so that they can give each other feedback. We suggest to families that, during these exercises, one of the family members not involve himself directly in the feedback exercise, but, at its conclusion, offer feedback to the other members who were directly interacting and providing simultaneous feedback. This outside member also has the agreed-upon authority to stop the exercise if he decides that the feedback is being changed once again into a form of calibrated communication.
The third kind of homework which we have found useful is scheduled sessions in which the family explicitly review the tools/skills/steps in the process of change in which they are all involved. This kind of exercise is different from the second kind in that the family members are not practicing specific kinds of feedback in specific kinds of situations, but, rather, they are identifying and using the techniques of change at the level of coping. For example, the family might discuss and role-play the way in which they, along with the therapist, discovered and broke a calibrated communication loop in their last therapeutic session. Then, the family members apply the specific process steps which they have identified in that experience to their ongoing interaction since the last therapeutic session, attempting to become aware of, and break, additional calibrated loops. Again, in this type of exercise, we suggest that one of the family members remain outside of direct involvement in the process for control over the whole. This kind of exercise is designed explicitly to continue the process of change, and to give the family members the skills they need to open up their present system. We call this the process of becoming congruent — the process in which people who formerly felt compelled now feel free to choose. Risk-taking becomes the order of the day; the opportunity to try new things is shared, when love, caring, excitement — all become a part of what we believe is the ultimate meaning of living.
SUMMARY
We have stated time and again, in as many ways as were appropriate for this book, that the overall task of the family therapist is to assist the family members in transforming compulsive patterns of behavior into patterns of choice — choices of open, creative behavior. We have presented many patterns which we hope each of you, as
family therapists, will find useful in your work. In this first volume, we have limited ourselves to the minimum patterns which we felt are necessary for effective, dynamic family therapy. The more advanced patterns — including the meta patterns — we hope to make the subject of Volume II. One of the meta patterns — the structure of the way in which the patterns themselves can be organized — is the way that the patterns we have presented in this volume may be sequenced for effective therapy. The basic structure of Part II of this volume is one such meta pattern, the natural grouping of the patterns of Part I under the headings of:
I. Gathering Information
II. Transforming the System
III. Consolidating Changes
We offer one additional meta pattern (represented visually on pages 174 and 175) which we have found to be very effective. This meta pattern is fully consistent with the meta pattern presented above. This meta pattern has the following steps:
1. The therapist contacts each family member;
2. The therapist acts as a translator for the family members;
3. The therapist assists the family members in making contact directly among themselves.
We invite the reader to sort for himself into the three stages of this meta pattern those patterns identified in Part I.
Epilogue
In this book, we have emphasized the factors of change and the process for how to use them, as we understand them. We want to make it very clear that this process would be an inhuman endeavor without human caring and empathy, and without an eye to the soul and person of the individual in front of you as well as yourself. Refining the ability to find and discriminately use the parts of the change process which we have described will greatly enhance your understanding, and will help you to engage more economically in a productive, therapeutic adventure. Without the humanity, it becomes just plain brainwashing.
Further Reading
When we finish a book, we are oftentimes in the mood for exploring a little further and maybe reaching into some adjoining areas.
If that is now true for you, here are some other books and films to explore.
Barbach, Lonnie G., For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality. New York: Doubleday & Co., Inc., 1976.
Bernhard, Yetta. How to Be Somebody, Open the Door to Personal Growth. Millbrae, Calif.: Celestial Arts, 1975 (paperback).
Bernhard, Yetta. Self-Care. Millbrae, Calif.: Celestial Arts, 1975.
Birdwhistell, Ray L. Kinesics and Context, Essays on Body Motion Communication. New York: Ballantine Books, Inc., 1970.
Brooks, Charles V. W. Sensory Awareness. New York: The Viking Press, 1975.
Drakeford, John W. Do You Hear Me, Honey? New York: Harper & Row, 1976.