So you're not a fool, Pyanfar thought. Thank the gods great and lesser. And did not miss that distracted look that passed between those two. No species-prejudice there either. Too little species prejudice. O Hilfy, you're a long way from home and gods-be if I care if you're two outright fools in that regard. I ought to be shocked. I can't even find it anymore. Gods save you both, I hope you've done what I don't even want to think about. I hope you've had a little bit of what I've had forty years of.
And what kind of thinking's that?
Khym was sleeping when she came into their quarters. She dropped the trousers on the floor, quietly, pocket-gun and all; and came and got into the bowl-shaped bed, down in the middle of it where he was, a huge warm lump all hard with muscle and tucked up like a child. She put her arms around his back, buried her head against his shoulder. He turned over and nuzzled her shoulder.
Sleep, she wished him, with a bit of regret. Among pleasures in life a warm bed and a nap in her husband's arms was not the least. She had not the heart to wake him, not when he was this far gone.
"Py," he murmured, in that breathy rumble of his voice at whisper. And bestirred himself, perhaps for his own sake, perhaps just in that way a man would who knew he was wanted: matter of kindness, for a tired wife who came to him for refuge. What they did had nothing to do with time of year. That would have shocked the old gray whiskers back home. Wives and husbands were a seasonal matter: men were always in and wives got around to it when they were home, by ones and twos and, in spring, a confounded houseful of women with hairtrigger tempers and demands on a single, harried man; then the house lord got round to driving out all the young men who had overstayed their childhood, before some scandal happened: young women went to roving, older sisters heaved out any near-adult brother the lord happened not to take exception to. It was housecleaning, annual as the spring rains.
A spacer missed the seasons. She just came home when she got the chance, and tried to make it coincide with spring, a little visit to her brother Kohan, who was glassy-eyed and distracted with affairs in Chanur at such a time, she paid a little courtesy to his wives and any sister or cousin who lived in the house or just happened to be home-
-then it was up in decent leisure to Mahn in the hills, where Khym and his groundling wives held court. His other wives had never much gotten in her way: they were outfought and knew it, and hated her cordially in that way of rivals who knew she would be gone within a week or two, back to her ship and her gadding about again: if one had to have a rival one could not shove out, best at least she be the sort who was seldom home.
Now where were those wives? Hating her still, because she had him to herself at last and he was not decently dead, in his defeat? They would pity him and hate her, and call it all indecent, as if he himself had not had a choice in the world about being snagged up onto a Chanur ship and carried away to a prolonged and unnatural preservation. It ruined his reputation. It touched on their honor. Likely they imagined just such lascivious and libertine unseasonal things as she had led him into, or worse, that he was the prize of all the crew.
She thought about that. "What do you think," she said into his ear, "do you think you'd object to one of the crew now and again? How do you feel about that?''
"I don't know," he said. "I mean- they're-" He was quiet a long time. "They're friends."
"I don't mean you should." She brushed his mane straight, dragged a clawtip along beside his ear. "I never meant that. I was asking if you ever wanted to."
''They're your friends.''
She felt his heart beating faster. Like panic. And cursed herself for bringing it up at all. "They never asked. Gods, what a mess. Don't even think about it. I'm sorry I said it. I just felt sorry for them."
"So do I. I'd do it. Tell them that if you want to. Like friends. I think they'd be sensible about it. I think I could be."
Ask sensible of a man. Trust him. Gods, that's what's changed, isn't it? He's steady as a rock. He wouldn't play games about it. They wouldn't, with him. They respect him. They'd treat him like a sister-in crew matters. Not one of them is petty and not one is the sort that has to prove a point in bed or after. You know that about women you work with for forty years; and they'd know he was a loan. I'd take that risk for them.
But what's good for him, that matters; that, they'd never question. Gods know I wouldn't.
"I think you could trust them," she said. "It's all of them if it's one, you understand that. I'm just telling you it's all right with me. Won't make me happy or unhappy. I just thought- well, if it ever does happen, you don't have to slip around about it."
"I never-!"
"I know that. I'm just telling you how I feel. If it's ever one, it's all. Remember it. Gods, back home I'd drop in on you for a hand of days and shove your other wives out; been the longest five days yet, hasn't it? I'm feeling guilty about hanging onto you so long. It's getting obsessive. I thought maybe, if things settle down again-" Thoughts crowded in that made it all remote and hopeless and stupid even to talk about it; but it was peace that she had come here for: she shoved Meetpoint aside and pretended. "Well, I thought I ought to give you a little breathing room. I shove you into my room, I don't give you much choice, do I? I want you to know you've got a berth on this ship. On your own. As much as you want to be. Or where you want to be. You want not to share my bed a while, that's fine. I'd miss you. But I don't want you ever to think that's what you're aboard for."
"I'm aboard because I'm a total fool." A frown was on his face, rumpling up his brow. "The rest came later. Py, don't talk like this."
"Gods, you don't understand."
"I don't own this ship. It's Kohan's. I can't come here, bed his kin-"
Male thinking, hindend-foremost and illusionary. Downworld thinking. It infuriated her in him, when so much else was extraordinary. "This ship is mine, gods rot it,. Kohan's got nothing to do with it. And if you want to bed down with Skkukuk, he's mine, too. I'll also shred your ears."
That struck him funny. And wrinkled his nose in disgust.
"I didn't consult with Kohan," she said. "I don't consult. You know gods-be well how the System works, how it always worked, your sweat and your blood and you never owned a gods-be thing. Now you really do. Something you can't lose. You can do as you godsblessed please, and you do it, husband. Forty years I've been out here. You've been here two and already your thinking's skewed. You at least listen to my craziness. All those years in Mahn, you used to ask me what the stars were like. Now you know what I come from, why I didn't get along with the rest of the women . . . why I never could make our daughter understand me. Tahy thinks I'm crazy. Some kind of pervert, probably. Kara knows I am. I just can't get excited about what they think down there. I don't have those kind of nerves anymore. Their little laws don't seem important to me. That's dangerous, I think. I don't know how to get back to where I was. None of us do. Haral's got a bastard daughter off in Faha; Tirun's got a son somewhere still alive, left him in Gorun. Gods know they usually take precautions. But they've never married; they never will; they just take their liberties down in Hermitage with whatever takes their fancy, and I don't ask. You know why they do that? I was lucky. My sister Rhean-one spring that we coincided down in Chanur I asked her how her husband was, you know, not a loaded question. But she got this look like she was dying by inches: 'Pyanfar,' she said, 'the man doesn't know where Meetpoint is. He doesn't know what it is. That's how my husband is.' And I never asked her. That's lord Fora she was talking about."