Originally she had been concerned that such expansion, on the Virtual Mode, would be ephemeral, but when she started with anchor material, it remained anchor material, and was all right.
There was the sound of splashing from the river. Burgess was shooting a steady stream of water at Seqiro, hosing him down. “That looks like fun,” Nona said wistfully.
“Then let’s go down and enjoy it,” Colene said. “We can take another bath if we want to.”
So they put off their clothes again and ran down to the river. Soon they were in the midst of a five-way splashing contest, screaming with the sheer fun of it.
When they emerged the second time, Nona knew one thing: she did not want to see this hive break up. She would not interfere with what Darius and Colene decided to do, but she hoped that their time on the Virtual Mode was not soon to end. Yes.
Yes, indeed. This was, taken as a whole, a good life. That was Burgess’ thought.
Nona started to make a separate tent for herself, but Colene stopped her. “We can sleep together, as before. If I ever manage to get my act together, I don’t care who sees it.”
“You know, Seqiro could enable you to—”
“But it wouldn’t be real. I have to do it myself. And I will. In time. Somehow. Like learning to resist the telepaths. Maybe if I can do one, I can do the other. I dreamed I could multiply joy, a little. Just enough to make me good enough to marry Darius, in his Mode. But that would be no good, if I couldn’t give myself to him. So I’ll keep trying.”
“It does seem like a good approach,” Nona agreed. Then she had a dazzling thought. “Maybe you can, indeed!”
“What do you mean?” Sheer excitement’s coming through.
“Colene, at first you couldn’t do telepathy, but now you are learning it, and getting better. Then you had a vision that I was in a wedding with Darius—and later it happened. Maybe you had precognition!”
Astonished, Colene considered the prospect. “I did see it coming, only I didn’t truly understand it. Like imperfect precog! And now I’ve dreamed I could learn joy. Could it happen?”
“You must try,” Nona said. “Because if you could learn joy—”
“I’m going to try!” Colene said. “I’m going to try everything! Maybe something’ll come true!”
“Surely something will,” Nona agreed.
So she slept again by Darius’ other side, with Burgess near, and Seqiro grazing outside. Nona had finally gotten smart about that, and grown him a patch of hay to chew on, so that he would not be diluting his substance with non-anchor Mode material.
In the morning, refreshed, they resumed travel. The paved streets became dirt roads, and then open countryside. Slopes developed. They had to help Burgess with the artificial paths again, but this was a practiced system now, and not much of an inconvenience.
“Uh-oh,” Colene said.
Nona hoped it wasn’t what she feared it was, but it was. The mind predator had found Colene again. The girl was under siege, and they knew it would not relent until they got off the Virtual Mode. What were they to do?
Colene, dazed by the siege, began to babble, as she had before. But this time it was worse. “I think I’ll never lose the need, to cut myself and see me bleed,” she declaimed, holding out her arm as if offering it for the knife.
She was going into suicide mode!
My Mode is close.
“But you aren’t welcome there,” Nona protested.
Colene must be saved.
Nona had to agree. She had brought them to her own Mode when Colene had been under siege before, though she would have preferred to avoid it. Then when Burgess had suffered his malady, Colene had brought them to her Mode, though she too would have preferred to avoid it. Now it was Seqiro’s turn.
Yet in each case, good things had come of those visits to their anchor Modes. Maybe that would happen again.
They put Colene on Burgess, again. Seqiro could have carried her far more readily, but he could not shield her from the mind predator as effectively as Burgess could. They moved as rapidly as they could toward the anchor, while Colene hallucinated and cried out with her internal horrors. Sometimes she seemed almost to make sense, but then would verge back into chaos.
“Nothing would make me happier than if some big piece of the cosmos just came through the ozone layer and just took me out. God, do I really want to live another year? The snow is everywhere, and life isn’t necessarily all that exists.
“When the happiness ends… there is life in death… and the happiness I feel is the essence of that joy…”
Nona looked at Darius. Was Colene remembering their wedding night? Or was she into some deeper misery?
“I see a time when things weren’t black or white or red and green but when they were always gray… I sit here and think about all the times that have been and all the lost causes, and I wonder if any of it was ever worth it, and these insights haunt my mind… as I try to think back to the good times, and the times when all things were good and there was no hate or frustration in the world but I can’t remember, when I can only remember now and now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of our enemies—they should pick up guns and kill innocent people to show the loyalty to the red, white, and blue and every blessed child shall wave a flag to let the world know their confusion and when they grow up their lives should end each time they pop a pill to forget the latest problem and soon the nation’s children will be grievers of Death and ruin and we shall live long and prosper and father children who have no mothers and they shall rock soulless babies to sleep and fate cuts the threads away and I shall find the magic that will take me away from all the pain and I will remain forever in a place not far from here and in this new existence I shall live…”
Nona hurt for her friend, unable to draw her out of her torment. They moved on as rapidly as they could, hoping they would reach the anchor in time.
“And the little boxes will clump together and gather into one giant big box, and I’ll be in it, and the lid will clamp down and I will suffocate and it will be my coffin forever and ever amen…”
We are approaching my Mode, Seqiro thought. But there is danger here, too.
“We must proceed carefully,” Darius said, though Nona saw him wince as he looked at Colene. He loved her, and wanted to get her away from her pain as soon as possible. But they all knew that they could not allow Colene’s pain to make them blunder into worse trouble.
As they came to it, they made a plan of approach. The anchor was in Seqiro’s old stall, which might be closed or otherwise occupied. It would be disaster to barge through and discover another horse there. They would bounce off the other animal, and have to retreat, but the horse would know that Seqiro was returning.
He could explore ahead, since he could cross Modes with his mind, unlike most of his kind; he had practiced it, in anticipation of his tour on the Virtual Mode. But the moment his mind touch encountered another horse, his presence and identity would be known, and that would be similar mischief.
So they would send another person across first. Nona agreed to do it, as she might be able to extricate herself from a trap with magic. She would cross, look, and cross back to make her report. Then they would know what they faced.
They came to a region of paths and stalls. This was one of the adjacent Modes, similar to Seqiro’s but not identical. There were other horses there, but they passed through as quickly and silently as they could, to arouse no commotion.
Then they were at the anchor. It was right at the entrance to a stall. The stall was empty, in this Mode, but that did not mean that the anchor stall was empty. Nona braced herself, and stepped through.