Chaos erupted. Her brothers’ main focus started with “You’re taking Bertha?” After Boo informed the table that “It can throw lightning,” their concern forked to include the dangers of hunting the monster alone. (Her brothers did not count Hal because they’d helped teach him how to shoot. There was a reason Hal liked dynamite to solve problems.) Jane tried to squash the idea that the Kryskill Family Circus would join her on the filming. It was bad enough that they would be creating video evidence of the illegal firearms that her family owned; she didn’t need her brothers on film too.
Her mother’s loud whistle cut through the conversation.
Jane, her brothers and Hal snapped to standing attention. After a heartbeat of silence, Nigel and Taggart also stood up, looking slightly bewildered.
“I went and listened to the report myself,” her mother said calmly into her cup of tea. “I know how big you believe this thing to be. You will need Bertha but you’re not taking her out by yourself. She’s a family resource. You’ll need to mount her on a vehicle and brace the vehicle against recoil. You’ll need someone to drive that vehicle and someone who is a better shot than Hal as your backup.”
Her mother took a long sip of tea; chaos returned. Jane said nothing. There would be no arguing with her mother. Besides, she was completely right. They’d need to take the Chased by Monsters production truck with Taggart filming. Hal was as good a driver as he was at shooting, which was to say only adequate. Nigel was still moving gingerly from being almost eaten by the saurus just the day before and was unfamiliar with the area. Someone from her family would have to drive the gun platform.
Her brothers were all stating loudly why they should be the ones to accompany Jane. Alton was playing the “oldest son” angle. Geoffrey was the most mechanically minded, thus able to deal with any problems with the chain-fed cannon. Marc stated that he was a cop, and thus the one able to get her around police detection. He was also the best driver among them. (Also his decommissioned EIA Humvee was already modified to be a gun platform. It was the most logical vehicle to use.) Duff was the best shot of her brothers (though Jane beat him three out of five shoot-offs.) Guy pointed out that as a minor, if they did get caught, he’d get into the least amount of trouble; besides, he just had summer school while everyone else worked.
Her mother sipped and listened, her eyes narrowing slightly as she considered the arguments. As she lowered her cup, the Kryskill boys all went silent. Her empty teacup chimed loudly onto the china saucer. “Marc and Geoffrey, you will back up your sister.” She raised her voice over the wordless outcry from the other three brothers. “Alton, you’ll be responsible for the safety of Boo and Joey. Duff, since you’ll be the only one at the bakery tomorrow morning, you’ll be the communication hub. Set up code words before you leave tonight. All calls are to go to Duff to coordinate activities and use the code words he provides. Guy, you can stay one hour and then head home and play the stereo loud enough to make your ears bleed.”
“What?” Guy cried.
Their mom clarified. “Stick to your usual Sunday schedule.” Their mother checked her phone and stood. “Tonight is bingo night at the fire hall. I’ll have to hurry or people will notice that I came in late. The oni have to consider the possibility that Boo and Joey escaped in the chaos last night. The most reasonable thing for Boo to do is to contact her family. The oni might be watching us to see if there’s any change in our schedules that would indicate that she’s returned. Last night we had the excuse that Jane had guests to feed, one of which had been attacked by a saurus. Tonight we have to return to our regular routines. Go do what you normally do. Not a word to anyone, not even your cousins. Is that understood?”
“Yes, ma’am!” the Kryskill’s siblings answered.
Guy gave Joey a nudge and the little boy cried out, “Yes, ma’am!”
“Keep your eyes open, your heads down, and your guns close,” their mother said.
“Yes, ma’am!”
“Make your father proud.” Their mother flicked her hand to indicate that they were free to start. “Dismissed.”
“Who or what is Bertha?” Taggart asked quietly after her mother had kissed and hugged everyone including him and Nigel goodbye. (Normally her mother didn’t take to strangers so quickly but they had returned Boo to her family. She didn’t usually kiss or hug either, but she wanted an excuse to linger on Boo, cuddle Joey again, and size up Taggart for son-in-law material.)
Jane’s brothers were starting their traditional dishwashing activities, which meant the dishes and kitchen would be spotless and her brothers would be sopping wet. (In the winter, this usually required a traditional clothes-washing activity afterwards.) Jane had pulled Taggart aside to keep his camera from being damaged when the water volleys started.
“Do you know what a M242 is?” Jane asked. Most people wouldn’t but he was a war correspondent.
Taggart stared at her. Obviously he knew the gun. “Why does your family have a chain-fed auto-cannon?”
“I’ll take you to the museum sometime to see the wyvern they have mounted. It could carry off the saurus we killed the other day. Dragons are supposed to be bigger. My dad didn’t like surprises. Bertha was his answer for any surprises that cropped up.”
“And we do have a big surprise to deal with,” Hal murmured, as he brushed between them, clearing a path for Joey who was still carrying dishes from the dining room to the kitchen. Hal was surprisingly good with kids, having done a year of children’s science programming. (Apparently he focused too much on blowing things up and setting things on fire for the comfort of PBS lawyers.) Hal added in “Mine” before disappearing into the kitchen.
“Yes.” Jane didn’t like the idea of pulling Bertha out of her hiding place but she wanted something that would definitely kill the high-voltage, massive jawed beast before it had a chance to close on her team.
Taggart glanced after Hal, eyes narrowing slightly. He caught Jane by the arm and pulled her into the quiet of the entry hall.
She guessed what he wanted. “No, I don’t know where my dad got Bertha. It was before Geoffrey was born…”
“No, that’s not what I wanted to know,” Taggart said quietly. “Are you in love with Hal?”
“What?” Jane cried. “No!”
“He’s in love with you.”
She wondered why Taggart would think that and then remembered the video from Hal’s “phone call” from Mercy Hospital where he thanked her profusely. At the end Hal had stated that he loved Jane. “He was drugged. He gets loopy and says shit that he doesn’t mean.”
“Oh, he meant that. You can’t spend a day locked in the car with the man and not know that he’s afraid of losing you.”
“Afraid of losing his producer. I’ve been the only person that can work with him without getting maimed. That includes filming on Earth too; he once set a PA on fire.”
Taggart scrubbed at his face, laughing. “I almost pity the man. Look, I learned through several painful experiences, that when I start liking a woman, the first thing I need to find out is if she’s already in love with someone else. There’s nothing worse than falling head over heels for someone, and then have them go ‘I’m sorry but I’ve realized that he’s the love of my life.’ Losing something makes it suddenly clear that it’s very important to you. So, step one, clear the playing field. Quickly. While there’s still a chance to back out without the desire to go drown myself in a metric ton of whiskey.”
They stared at each other in silence a moment.
“Are you?” Taggart asked.
“Am I what?”
“In love with Hal?” Taggart cried.