Yes, he would get a ton of hits on that one.
“You look morose again.” Jesse stared at him, a frown on his face.
Great. Now he was Morose Bare-Chested Ape Man.
“He’s waffling,” Zane said. “I’ve seen it a hundred times. Done a bit of it myself.”
Zane Hollister was one of the happiest men Cade had ever met. He was also one of the most sarcastic bastards, but he seemed like a guy who had it all together. “You waffled about marrying Callie?”
The big guy’s eyes went a little soft as he looked over to where Callie and Nate were playing with their twins as they talked to a couple of women Cade didn’t know. “She’s just about perfect, you know. The first time I met her, I was in a bad place. I was a stupid asshole and chose my career over her. I chose my friend over her. The second time, I was in an even worse place, and I was practically certain I was bad for her.”
Cade felt himself smile a little. Not because he was happy that Zane and Callie had trouble in the past, but because it was easy to be shocked by it. They all seemed so happy. The Harpers, Stef and Jen, all of them. But every family had its own problems. The strong ones came through it. His family never had the chance. Cade had made sure of it. His family had died. All of them. “What made you realize you could be good for her?”
He was merely curious. He wasn’t good for anyone, but he was interested in how Hollister had known.
A wide grin crossed Hollister’s scarred face. “Who said I am? But I know one thing. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I might not be good enough for her, but I try my best every day to be the best husband I can be. Now I have the twins and I have to be the best dad, too. I didn’t even have a dad, but I have to step up to the plate, you know. It didn’t scare me the way it should have because I knew I could learn. And I had Nate. Nate did have a dad. We talk it over. We figure out what Nate’s dad would have done and do the exact opposite.”
Jesse laughed. “I think I learned that lesson young. My dad walked out. The most important thing about being a father is just being around.”
Cade felt the pit of his stomach roll. His father hadn’t walked out. His father had fought. His father had tried so hard before the water had taken him, before his eyes had gone a glossy blank.
He forced the image down. Jesse was thinking about kids? Cade thought about them, but in a vague, undefined way. Kids were something that might happen in the distant future.
But he was almost thirty. The distant future wasn’t that far off.
He didn’t like to think about the future. Today was what he had. He’d learned that a long time ago. Parents, even when they loved a kid, didn’t always show up for baseball games and school plays. Sometimes, parents walked out the door and they didn’t come back. Sometimes kids walked out the door only to discover the ones they loved and left behind were gone forever.
He wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to give Gemma a chance, no matter how pretty she was or how much she moved him. He had to acknowledge for the first time that he might never be ready. There might be something inside him that was simply broken. He’d used Jesse as a crutch. If Jesse wanted to move on, then good for him. It wouldn’t have really worked long term anyway.
He was surrounded by working ménages, but he didn’t think it would work for him. He might have some issues. And damn Gemma Wells for making him see them.
He’d been just fine. He’d been happy. He’d been settling in, but no, now Gemma was forcing him to think.
“What’s wrong with him?” Zane asked.
Jesse had found where the beers were stashed. He took a short sip, keeping the shit-eating grin securely on his face. “That’s his thinking face. Don’t worry about it. It won’t last too long. Cade prefers to shove his problems as far under the surface as possible. Every now and then he’s forced to confront them, and that’s the look he gets.”
Cade shot his best friend the bird and decided he’d had just about enough of this damn party. He stalked off toward the car.
He heard Jesse groan and begin to follow. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.” He wasn’t sorry, and he wasn’t wrong, either.
“I am sorry about putting it out there like that. It just felt like we were among friends, and I was teasing you a little. Okay, a lot.”
He rounded on Jesse. Cade might be avoiding his past, but Jesse was sorely overestimating their future. “You think I didn’t see you with her? What are you doing? She’s not a good-time girl. She’s going to get serious, and she’ll do it fast. What the hell is going to happen when she figures out what you make for a living?”
Jesse’s eyes rolled. “Not every woman in the world thinks a man is nothing more than a dick and a paycheck. Besides, she’s not exactly a catch herself. She doesn’t have some great job.”
And that wouldn’t last forever. She wouldn’t let that degree go to waste. Not for any real length of time. She’d spend the winter here in Bliss with her mother, but by the time spring rolled around, she would be in a big city somewhere with a high-powered career. She wouldn’t go to her company’s parties with two mechanics on her arm. “She will. She’s going to leave.”
“Maybe we can make her want to stay.”
“God, that is so naïve. It’s not going to happen.” He hated to bring it up. Hated that he had to be the asshole who tore down his friend’s hopes. “She won’t stay here because of us. What is that woman going to think when she finds out you spent a good portion of your teen years in prison?”
A hint of a smile showed up on Jesse’s face. “She’ll think I should have had a better lawyer. She was quite mad about it, but not because she looked down on me. She thought the sentence was overkill. I kind of think so, too.”
“You told her?” He’d just freaking met her.
Jesse took a step forward. “I did. I like her. I would rather get all the crap out of the way, Cade. It’s better to be honest up front. Go knock on her door and talk to her. Ask her flat out what she thinks about blue-collar guys. Tell her that you’ve been hurt before and would prefer to avoid it. Just talk to her. No bullshit. And when she tries to avoid questions, top her.”
Holy shit. “You got into the discipline stuff with her? Damn it, Jesse, you haven’t even asked her out. Or did you? The way you’re going the engagement should happen sometime next week.”
Jesse’s whole body stiffened. “I was honest with her. I didn’t ask her to marry me. I have no idea if we’re even really compatible, but I would like to try. I’m tired, Cade. I’m tired of constantly being on the move. Since we turned eighteen, we’ve been like gypsies.”
“We had a job to do.”
“No. I get that. I’m talking about before. Always moving on to find something new. The next town, the next party, the next woman. I want to settle down.”
That was Jesse, brutally honest, even when it fucking hurt like hell. “And she’s the one?”
Jesse’s frustration rolled off him in waves. “How will we know if we never fucking try? I’m not saying anything except that I want to try.”
And Cade didn’t. He just didn’t. She was beautiful and kind of crazy, and she scared the fuck out of him. “Then you should try. You should ask her out.”
It had been years since they’d dated a woman separately, but maybe the time had come. Who the hell was he to hold his friend back?
“I don’t want to date her without you,” Jesse said evenly, obviously holding on to his emotional state. “But I will. You have a week to think it over. I’m going to get to know her a little. Nothing formal. You can work with me or you can just think about it. If you can’t even try, then I’ll ask her out myself.”