Scott turned and looked at me. “It all makes sense now—the way you were looking at him when I walked up, what you wrote to your dad on the postcard. It all makes sense.”
Wait…what is he saying? “No…” I whispered.
“Have you seen him since you told me you’re pregnant?”
“Yes. He was waiting for me at my cabana to make sure I was alright.”
“Did he ask you to stay with him?”
I shook my head. “He knows I love you and only you!”
“Oh yeah? Sure doesn’t seem like he cares if he’s fucking you with his fingers and sucking on your nipples, now does it?”
I felt like I was going to throw up. “Scott…we were both lost and hurting. I would have never…I didn’t…I stopped him. All I could think about was you and how wrong it felt, even when I thought you had cheated on me. Please, Scott. You have to know that I wish to God it had never happened.” I sucked in a breath of air as I sobbed. I tried to keep talking. “If I just hadn’t run away, none of this would have happened.”
The look in his eyes turned from anger to hurt. “You never even called…you just left. You left me to wonder where in the fuck you were and whom you were with. I was slowly dying with each day that passed.”
I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands. “I’m so sorry! I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you.”
I looked up and saw tears rolling down his face. I did hurt him though. I did the one thing I thought he was going to do to me.
He shook his head and walked past me. When he opened the sliding glass door, I jumped up and grabbed his arm.
“Wait! Where are you going, Scott? Please don’t walk away. Please don’t leave me.”
He slowly looked up at me, and the sadness in his eyes gutted me.
“I need to be alone for a while. I need to think, Jessica.”
I threw my hand up to my mouth and tried to keep the sick feeling I had down. “Let me come with you…please,” I begged.
“No. I just need some time to clear my head. I can’t even really think right now. Every time I look at you, I think of him touching the one thing that I value the most in this world. I think of you, pregnant, with him…” He stopped talking as he turned and walked out the sliding glass door.
I stood there, watching him head toward the beach. I quickly turned and ran into the bathroom where I began throwing up.
Scott had been gone for over thirty minutes. I walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I found it stocked with bottled waters and every kind of beer I could think of. I grabbed a bottle of water and made my way out to the deck that was off of the main living room. The view was amazing. I looked up and down the beach, but I saw no signs of Scott. I quickly wiped away the tear I felt, and I tried my best to keep from crying.
I was starting to get cold, so I walked back in and grabbed a blanket. I headed back outside. I was so tired, and I fought to keep my eyes open. I was hungry also.
I placed my hand on my stomach, and for the first time, I talked to my child. “Daddy is upset with Mommy, and he has every right to be. I really screwed up…but I thought your daddy screwed up first.” I made a face and shook my head. “Not that it really matters who screwed up first. I love Daddy, and I know Daddy loves me and you, pumpkin. Mommy just needs to make him understand that I love him so much, and I would never, ever hurt him. Without your daddy, I’d be…I’d be…” I began crying again.
Jesus Christ. What is with me and all the crying?
“I’m so tired, pumpkin, so very tired.”
I leaned my head back and decided I was just going to rest my eyes for one minute. I didn’t want to miss Scott when he came back.
As I slipped deeper and deeper into sleep, I began dreaming.
Scott and I were walking in a field, holding hands and laughing. I heard someone calling out my name. I tried to ignore the voice, but Scott kept looking back over his shoulder. I tried to keep him walking straight.
Ignore it, Scott. Please ignore it.
Scott turned around and made a funny face. As I spun around, I saw Trey walking up. He reached out and began pulling me away from Scott. I started pushing Trey away, but he kept pulling me harder and harder.
Don’t let go of me, Scott! Please don’t let go of me.
Before I knew what was happening, Scott was fading away, and I stood there, crying out his name, as Trey just smiled. I turned to look at Trey, and he smiled bigger.
He said, “I won.”
I opened my eyes quickly and sat up. I was sweating, but I was so cold. I shook my head to clear out the dream. Shit.
I turned and looked at the clock in the living room. He’d been gone for almost an hour. I held my hand up to my mouth to keep from crying.
“Scott…please come back to me. Please…please come back to me,” I whispered.
I closed my eyes and silently began crying…again.
I wasn’t even sure how long I’d been walking for. I stopped and looked out at the ocean. I closed my eyes and thought about last night. I saw the look she’d had in her eyes. She loved me, and I knew she loved me. Her eyes had looked into mine so many times last night, and they had been filled with nothing but love.
The baby…I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby.
I thought back to everything she had said.
I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time! I would have never let me touch him if I had known, I swear on my life!
I knew she had been hurting. I knew she’d thought I had cheated on her.
Can I forget that he touched her? Can I forget that she let him touch her? I had almost done the same thing in the bar, but I’d stopped myself.
“Fuck!” I yelled out. “Why? Motherfucker! Why did this happen? Why?” I put my hands on my legs and felt like I was going to get sick. I shook my head as I stood up and took a deep breath.
I loved her more than anyone on this Earth. I’ve always loved her, and I won’t let some fucking prick, who just walked into her life, take her away from me. She had come back to me last night, and there was no way I was letting her go. Ever.
As I looked one more time out over the vast ocean, a sense of calm washed over me. I turned to walk away, and that was when I saw the prick. He was walking up and stopped when he saw me.
My first instinct was to go up and pound the fuck out of him, but I slowly ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath.
“Scott?” he asked.
I nodded.
He held out his hand. “Trey Walker.”
I just looked down at his hand.
He nodded and gave me a weak smile. “Where’s Jessie?”
“She’s not your concern. She’s mine, and so is the baby she’s carrying.” I balled up my fists and took a deep, slow breath.
He made a face, and his smile faded. “Alright. But just know that I was here for her when she needed a friend, and that’s what I was to her. I helped her for a little while, and she did the same thing for me.”
I let out a gruff laugh. “Yeah, you sure were a friend to her, weren’t you? Don’t know many people who suck on their friends’ nipples and finger-fuck them, dude.”
He looked shocked for a brief second. “She told you?”
“Yes, she told me, you fucker. That’s one of the things about our relationship—we’re honest with each other.”