The most remarkable thing happened then. Neil closed his eyes for just a second, as if in relief at my answer, before bringing his forehead to rest against mine. We stayed like that for a bit, just the normal night sounds of London and the touch of our heads and hands, reminding me that this was indeed real and not a dream. My heart pounded deep in my chest, serving as another reminder that I wasn’t dead and had just survived something miraculous.
A second miracle occurred when he nudged his head down and found my lips.
Neil kissed me.
We kissed.
I let him explore me, his soft beautiful mouth merging with mine, learning the feel of my lips as I learned his, gaining the experience of knowing what it was like to share the intimacy. His tongue was even softer, seeking entry in a gentle way but one I couldn’t refuse either. I was aware only of us coming together and trying to ride the immense wave of attraction I felt for this man.
Neil took his time with our first kiss, but he could have taken me anywhere, done anything to me, asked anything of me. I would have been willing.
Nibbling on my lips in the softest way, tangling his tongue in with mine, he made me ache for more, and at the same time, want to weep in thankfulness that he’d finally come for me. This is really happening.
I don’t know how many long moments passed before he stopped kissing me and pulled back. “Let me be the first to tell you that you were wrong.” He stared at me, his thumb brushing back and forth at my cheek, his expression firm and solid.
It was my turn to close my eyes in relief this time. “I was wrong?”
“Dead wrong, Cherry.” He nodded slowly, his eyes searing. “You may have me.”
“What?” The ability to comprehend information had obviously left me.
“You can have me,” he repeated, still holding my hand intertwined, his expression still burning into me with his dark, soulful eyes.
But why—when did you know this—wait—you came to the pub tonight—you came tonight…because…?”
“Because I heard you’d broken off with that fuckin’ arse, Tompkins, and I was home on leave to actually do something about it for once. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for this?” His voice had a definite edge to it now. “For the timing to work out for us?” He sounded frustrated.
“You were waiting.” I was in such disbelief I again repeated his words, trying to accept everything he was telling me. “You’ve been waiting...”
“I have.” He leaned in toward my lips but didn’t touch them. “Waiting and waiting forever. For you. Waiting for you to grow up. Waiting for you to see me as something more than just a friend of Ian’s. Waiting for the right time to tell you how I feel about you.” He whispered so close, I could feel the brush of breath from his beautiful words. “Just a very long time of waiting, Elaina.”
“Oh…” I felt more tears threatening to spill.
“I don’t want to wait anymore.” His eyes melded into me and held on. “Please don’t make me wait for you any longer,” he pleaded. “I can’t do it, Cherry. I just can’t.”
Such beautiful words. And they came from his mouth to my ears, about me…
“So tell me now, please.” I took a deep breath and reached out a trembling hand to his face. I needed to touch him and feel the warmth of his skin. I needed to feel him in order to help my poor brain accept that this was really and truly happening in the moment—not some beautiful fantasy dream I would have to wake up from. It sure felt like a dream though. Neil has been waiting for me…
Here we both were talking about our feelings and wants and desires. Neil had me close enough to touch in his bed at his flat.
Truly unbelievable.
Again, I summoned my courage and asked, “I want to—no—Neil, I need to know exactly what you feel for me,” I whispered. “I have to hear you say it to believe it.”
He took hold of my shaking hand and brought it to his lips, his eyes never wavering from mine, and said the three words I’d dreamed about for forever, but never believed would come.
“I love you,” he said clearly, just before kissing my hand again.
6
His declaration was soft and gentle in the way he formed his words, but so honest and clear at the same time, I believed he meant it. Neil had just told me he loved me and I believed him.
I felt my heart lose a beat; sure it’d just up and stopped working, when he’d said those three little words to me. Hearts will do that when under emotional duress or when something sad or terrible comes along. I think this qualified as emotional duress. No sad or terrible here tonight though. This was glorious and perfect.
Neil loved me.
“Neil…I—I’ve loved you since I can remember. There was never a time when I didn’t.” I looked to the side and gathered more courage to say the rest. “But then, there was never a time when I thought you’d ever feel the same about me either.”
“Look at me, Cherry.” He took my chin and tugged me back to him. “You silly, beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, amazing girl, were once again, so very, very wrong about me and what I was feeling for you all these years. How could I not love you? You’re perfect, remember? Utterly perfect. I just had to wait for the right time to tell you is all.”
I listened to every word he said as he smoothed over my hair.
“Every time I was home, you’d have someone new and it wasn’t fair for me to try to steer you away from them and into my arms.”
I started crying again but this time it was mostly in happiness. “I wish you would’ve.”
“No.” He shook his head once. “No, I had to wait.”
He took my face in his hands and brushed along the tears wetting my cheeks with his thumbs. “You’re so beautiful to me, Cherry, even when you cry.”
And then he kissed me like he had the right to. The way I’d always wished he might. Neil kissed away my tears and wiped out all of the longing I’d known for ages, all in an instant. I melted into his big body and savored his touch. His lips. His words. I had everything I’d ever wanted from him now.
“You were my Cherry Girl when you were little.”
“I was.” I nodded into his hands.
“And you’re my Cherry Girl now.”
“Yes,” I managed another nod and just that one word.
“I love you, Elaina Morrison, and you’ll always be my Cherry Girl. Always. Nothing will change it for me.” He leaned forward and kissed me sweetly, whispering, “Believe me.”
I couldn’t speak. My ability to voice words had completely left me. I was so overwhelmed. All I could do was stare back. And breathe.
Neil tilted his head at me. “You look like maybe you don’t.”
“I do but I—I have to take a shower now,” I blurted. “And use your toothbrush, and get something to wear. I puked with this mouth tonight. Twice. And I’ve got no clothes on.”
He broke into a smile at my announcement, and didn’t even flinch at my puke comment. He must really and truly love me.
“Please say I get to help you with all of that.”
“The teeth brushing, maybe—the shower, no,” I fired back, suddenly feeling shy about the direction this conversation was heading and my state of undress. In the sanctuary of my mind I could be bold about wanting to be with Neil, but it was too soon to just slide between the sheets together and start shagging. I needed to come out of my shock first before we got down to the sex part. What if he wants it tonight? How would he take the news when I told him I needed a little time to get to that point?