I cried. I sobbed for him they way I did when Noah and I broke up as teenagers, my tears soaking his shirt. My heart ached in a way I never realized it could for anyone but Noah.
Chapter Twelve
Noah
One Day Later
“Noah.”
“Ms. London, any comments?”
“Will you be staying together?”
“When are the funerals?”
“Noah, how do you feel knowing it was your family behind this?”
It was neverending, the flashes, the screaming and pushing. We got no space, no room to breathe, as Daniel, along with a few other bodyguards he had hired, made room for us to get into the airport. I held onto Amelia as tightly as possible as we pushed through. And they followed us inside. We were like zoo animals to them.
The only peace, the moment we were free, was when we had to get through security, and even they gawked. The didn’t speak, but at least they weren’t snapping pics—
“Dude, seriously?” Daniel snapped at one of the men behind the machine who took a picture of Amelia as she walked through the metal detector, her sunglasses still on. Grabbing my jacket when I got to the other side, I took her hand again, walking as quickly as possible to our gate.
We weren’t able to get a private plane on short notice, and it wouldn’t have been big enough for the bodies—both Austin’s and Esther’s, who the Chicago PD declared died on-scene, though she was too badly burnt for them to really know, nor were they going to investigate. So I bought out all of flight UM4707 to Los Angeles.
I handed over our tickets, and silently we got on board. Amelia walked right past the flight attendant, taking her seat quietly by the window.
“Austin didn’t want to be buried in Chicago?” She whispered, unable to look at me when I sat down.
“No. He felt like this city had too many gravestones with his last name already.”
She bit her lip, and I held her hand.
We wouldn’t be able to come here for a while.
One Week Later
“My mother, Esther London, was a diva. She had to start every morning with a grande iced sugar-free vanilla latte with soy milk and a cup of nuts. Her heart was divided between many passions—acting, her husbands, the men she wished were her husbands,” she joked, getting more than a few low chuckles, “and last, but most importantly, my sisters and me. It was no secret that she demanded the best from us. And what some people might have seen as an overbearing Hollywood icon, we saw as a free-spirited, fun-loving mother with a vision. I…I loved her deeply. I will always love her deeply. And I’m proud to be her daughter.”
Amelia stood up beside me, wrapping her arms around Antigone, who had given the speech for them. I’m sure people were expecting Amelia, however she couldn’t just do it and I couldn’t blame her. We had Austin’s funeral yesterday, and twenty people showed up. Twenty. Most of them were from various agencies I figured he had been in contact with. The news had called him a hero, and he was, but he wasn’t a celebrity, so even though Amelia had personally planned out everything and called everyone she knew, they all told her the same thing: they’d come to Esther’s, and they were sorry for our loss. Like that meant anything.
In the end, I guess it was better than being around a bunch of fake people, with fake tears, pretending they actually gave a damn.
There were three hundred people here, along with another couple dozen outside, all here to pay their respects to this woman—this awful woman. They would never truly know.
We sat as actor after actor came up to honor her, telling stories, laughing, and crying. And Amelia and I had to endure it all like a sick punishment.
“Noah,” Amelia whispered, leaning into me, “I can’t take much more.”
Nodding, I squeezed her hand, looking over to find the organizer—
“No. She’s our mother,” Mayko said under her breath. “She deserves this, at the very least.”
Amelia glanced over, her annoyance displayed clearly on her face. Since we had come back, she and Mayko were butting heads. I’m sure it was grief, but they couldn’t see eye to eye on anything. Amelia just gave up and let her do whatever she wanted with the funeral.
“Fine,” Amelia said, looking back up front.
Amelia
I needed a second to breathe, and the only place that offered that was the bathroom. Rushing in, I grabbed the edge of the sink, dropping my head.
“Amelia!”
Leave me alone! Go away! Please go away! I screamed in my mind when Mayko burst through the door, dressed in black with a yellow ranunculus, Esther’s favorite flower, pinned on her chest.
“You can’t just run away from the reception!” she yelled at me.
“Why not?” I asked, facing her.
She looked at me like I had lost my mind. “She’s our mother—”
“So you keep telling me. Esther was our mother, and now Esther is gone, and I’m tired. I’m so tired you can’t even begin to imagine. I don’t want to be around people—”
“You just want to be with Noah?”
“Yes.”
“You are so fucking selfish,” she sneered. “His brother is the reason why she’s dead, and you can’t even separate yourself from him for a second? Esther said once that you lost sense of what was really important when it came to him. And I didn’t get it I was young and—”
“And ignorant!” I was done doing this with her. “Esther. Esther. Esther! Since I have come back, that is all I have heard from your mouth. Maybe it didn’t connect, but I lost my mother, a friend, and was kidnapped a week ago, Mayko—a week! The woman you’re talking about, the woman everyone is honoring today, I loved her too. But she hurt me. She hurt me often and for her own selfish gains. Do you remember seeing me as a kid? Are their any family photos us of as children together? She did that. She blew her money and then worked me to death. On holidays, birthdays, I could never breathe! Food was snatched from my mouth because she didn’t want a fat daughter. I thought of killing myself. You can romanticize her all you want. You can pretend she was the best damn mother in the world. But don’t ask me to give any more of myself to her because I. AM. TIRED!”
As I walked past her, she spoke up when I pulled on the door.
“You lied to me, you know that?”
“What?” I faced her again.
“When we were in Chicago. I called you and asked had you heard from her, and you said no, you hadn’t for months. That she might have run off with someone. Then the very next day, you and her are in a car accident. I can’t help but have this feeling that you are hiding something.”
“I am,” I answered truthfully, and she looked at me with shock, which I didn’t understand. “I’ve been hiding things about Esther from you and Antigone all your lives. I did my best to spare you from as much of her as I could. So when you saw her, you got the fun mom. The mom that let you skip school, eat ice cream at 3 a.m., and throw massive sleepovers. The only adult in our family was me. So I’ll ask you, Mayko—do you want to know the truth? Do you want to carry Esther’s skeletons too? Because once you know, there is no unknowing, and you’ll never ever be able to remember her kindly again.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t. She just stared, and that was more than a good enough answer.
“I thought so. Noah and I are leaving. I won’t be home for Christmas. Noah and I go on the promotional tour for our movie soon—”
“Is it really that bad?” She interrupted. “Esther—are her skeletons really that bad?”
“They are worse than you can imagine. And if I could switch places with you and not know, I would. So don’t ask anymore, Mayko. Remember the good Esther.” Because I couldn’t, and she deserved at least one person to truly care.
Noah