man's back hair, at the caesura of each line, so that every verse came out in two pieces like a broken stick.
Meanwhile he made the gestures of a man who has fallen into the water and cannot swim. He made me repeat each verse several times and constantly shook his head : 'Not right at all !
Listen to me ! "Je crains Dieu, cher Abner" - now came the part·
ing ; he closed his eyes, shook his head slightly, and added, repelling the waves with a languid movement of the arm, "et n'ai point d'autre crainte." ' 8
Then the old gentleman, who 'feared nothing but God', would look at his watch, put away his books, and take hold of a chair.
This chair was my partner.
Is it surprising that I never learned to dance ? These lessons did not last long : within a fortnight they were brought to an end by a very tragic event.
I was at the theatre with my uncle, and the overture was played several times without the curtain rising. The front rows, wishing to show their familiarity with Paris customs, began to 7· George (1 787-1867) was the chief actress in tragedy, and Mars (1 779-1 847) the chief actress in comedy, on the Paris stage of their time.
8. From Racine's Athali&.
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make the noise which is made in Paris by the back rows -only. A manager came out in front of the curtain ; he bowed to the left, he bowed to the right, he bowed to the front, and then he said : 'We ask for all the indulgence of the audience ; a terrible misfortune has befallen us : Dales, a member of our company' - and here the manager's speech was interrupted by genuine tears - 'has been found dead in his room, poisoned by the fumes from the stove.'
Such were the forcible means by which the Russian system of ventilation delivered me from lessons in elocution, from spouting Racine, and from dancing a solo with the partner who boasted four legs carved in mahogany.
1 1
When I was twelve, I was transferred from the hands of women to those of men ; and, about that time, my father made two unsuccessful attempts to put a German in charge of me.
'A German in charge of children' is neither a tutor nor a dyadka 9 - it is quite a profession by itself. He does not teach or dress the children himself, but sees that they are dressed and taught ; he watches over their health, takes them out for walks, and talks whatever nonsense he pleases, provided that it is in German. If there is a tutor in the house, the German is his inferior ; but he takes precedence of the dyadka, if there is one. The visiting teachers, if they come late from unforeseen causes, or leave too early owing to circumstances beyond their control, are polite to the German ; and, though quite uneducated, he begins to think himself a man of learning. The governesses make use of the German to do all sorts of errands for them, but never permit any attentions on his part, unless they suffer from positive deformity, and see no prospect of any other admirers. When boys are fourteen they go off to the German's room to smoke on the sly, and he allows it, because he needs powerful assistance if he is to keep his place. Indeed, the common practice is to dismiss him at this period, after thanking him in the presence of the boys and presenting him with a watch. If he is tired of taking children out and receiving reprimands when they catch cold or stain their clothes, then the 'German in charge of children' be-9· A dyadka (literally 'uncle') is a man-servant put in charge of his young master.
C H I L D H O O D, Y O U T H A N D E X I L E
comes a German without qualification : h e starts a small shop where he sells amber mouth-pieces, eau-de-cologne, and cigars to his former charges, and performs secret services for them of another kind.
The first German attached to my person was a native of Silesia, and his name was Jokisch ; in my opinion, his name alone was a sufficient disqualification. He was a tall, bald man, who professed a knowledge of agriculture, and I believe that this fact induced my father to take him ; but his chief distinction was his extreme need of soap and water. I looked with aversion at the Silesian giant, and only consented to walk about with him in the parks and gardens on condition that he told me improper stories, which I retailed in the servants' hall. He did not survive more than a year ; he was guilty of some misconduct on our country estate, and a gardener tried to kill him with a scythe ; and this made my father order him to clear out.
His successor was Fedor Karlovich, a soldier (probably a deserter) from Brunswick-Wolfenbiittel, who was remarkable for his beautiful handwriting and excessive stupidity. He had filled a similar post twice already, and had gained some experience, so that he gave himself the airs of a tutor ; also, he spoke French, mispronouncing 'j' as 'sh' and misplacing the accents.10
I had no kind of respect for him, but poisoned every moment of his existence, especially after I was convinced that, in spite of all my efforts, he was unable to understand either decimal fractions or the rule of three. In most boys' hearts there is a good deal that is ruthless and even cruel ; and I persecuted the Jager of W olfenbiittel unmercifully with sums in proportion. I was so much interested by this, that, though I did not often speak on such subjects to my father, I solemnly informed hlm of the stupidity of Fedor Karlovich.
He once boasted to me of a new frock-coat, dark blue with gold buttons, and I actually saw him once wearing it; he was going to a wedding, and the coat, though it was too large for him, really had gold buttons. But the boy who waited on the German in·
formed me that the garment was borrowed from a friend who kept a perfumer's shop. Without the least feeling of pity, I 1 0 . The English speak French even worse than the Germans ; but 1
they merely mutilate the language, whereas the German vulgarises it.
(Author's note.)
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attacked my victim, and asked bluntly where his blue coat was.
'There is a great deal of moth in this house, and I have given it to a tailor whom I know to keep it safe for me.'
'Where does the tailor live ?;
'What business is that of yours ?'
'Why not say ?'
'People should mind their own business.'
'Oh, very well. But my birthday is next week, and, to please me, you might get the blue coat from the tailor for that day.'
'No, I won't ; you don't deserve it, after your rudeness.'
I held up a threatening finger at him. But the final blow to the German's position took place as follows. He must needs boast one day, in the presence of Bouchot, my French tutor, that he had fought at Waterloo and that the Germans had given the French a terrible mauling. Bouchot merely looked at him and took snuff with such a formidable air that the conqueror of Napoleon was rather taken aback. Bouchot left the room, leaning ·angrily on his knotted stick, and he never afterwards called the man by any other name than le soldat de V ilain-ton.11 I did not know then that this pun is the property of Beranger, and I was exceedingly delighted by Bouchot's cleverness.