“I’ll save you for something special.”
Upstairs in the bedroom, she miserably flopped in the chair by the window and cranked up the antique radio on the windowsill. She needed something heavy, something to give her momentum, so she turned the dial until she heard the pounding bass of a rap song pumping out a rhythmic beat. A deep voice boomed scarcely recognizable lyrics about a woman walking out on her man.
“I axed you why…” the rapper sang.
Sadie held the bottle in the air. “To a life well axed.”
She’d grown accustomed to drinking straight from the bottle and she tipped it back, taking a long swig. The wine’s initial bitter flavor didn’t shock her anymore and she savored its warmth as it trailed down her throat. Each mouthful enveloped her in mind-numbing calmness.
“What now?” she murmured.
In a burst of sudden clarity, she made two decisions.
First, she took a pair of scissors into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. Between gulps of wine, she chopped off her long black locks to just below her ears. She felt no regret as she watched the strands waft to the floor. When she was done, there was more hair on the floor than on her head.
She stared at her hollow, shadowed eyes. “I’m nothing. Just an empty shell.”
After sweeping up the hair and depositing it into the garbage can, she wandered back to the bedroom to prepare for her second decision. Setting the bottle on the nightstand, she pulled two suitcases out of the closet and tossed them on the bed.
“There’s one thing left to do,” she slurred. “But you can’t do it here.” She paused, her hand hovering near the zipper of a suitcase. “Well, you could, but it might not go over well with the new homeowners.” She giggled drunkenly.
There was an unexpected knock on the door.
Sadie slipped the half-empty wine bottle in the recycle bin just seconds before Leah poked her head inside.
“Can I come—? Sadie! What did you do to your hair?”
“I cut it.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” Leah replied, moving into the room.
Sadie’s patience was wearing thin. “I didn’t hear the doorbell.”
“I rang it a few times, but when you didn’t answer, I got worried. I let myself in through the garage.” Leah spied the suitcases on the bed. “What the hell are you doing?”
“What’s it look like? I’m leaving.”
“But you can’t just leave.”
“Watch me.”
“What about Philip? And the trial?”
Sadie tossed three pair of jeans into one of the cases. “There’s nothing for me here anymore. I need to get away.”
An uncomfortable silence permeated the room.
Leah sat down on the bed. When she finally spoke, her voice emitted quiet acceptance. “So where will you go?”
“Anywhere but here.”
She placed Sam’s photograph and a heavy photo album on top of her clothes. Then she zipped the suitcase shut. In the second suitcase, she packed away the plastic container that held all the newspaper clippings. Lastly, she tucked in the portfolio case.
“Are you going to finish Sam’s book?” Leah asked.
“It’ll be the last thing I do for him.”
“Maybe it is a good idea. Take some time, get away for a bit.”
Sadie nodded. “You’ve been a great friend, Leah. A better one than me.”
“No, that’s what friends are for. I’m here for you. I’ll watch your house while you’re gone, until you get back.”
Sadie shook her head. “It’s been sold.”
Leah’s brow arched in shock. “What? I didn’t know you were selling.” There was an accusatory edge to her voice.
“Look, I can’t explain this. Things are different now. Now that Sam’s… gone.”
“Yeah, but running away won’t solve anything. Jesus, Sadie! What’s happening to you?”
In her anger, Leah backed into the recycle bin. When she looked down and spotted the wine bottle, she shook her head in disappointment. “Sadie, this isn’t what you want—”
“Don’t lecture me! I’m tired of everyone telling me how to act, what to do, how to feel. My son was taken from me, blown up right in front of my eyes. And it’s my fault. So if I need to get away, that’s what I’ll do. If I need to drink, I’ll drink. You don’t understand, Leah. You never will.”
Leah blinked tearfully. “You’re right. I don’t understand. Because you won’t talk to me. You’ve closed me off, shut me out. And now you’re drinking again? Sam wouldn’t want this, my friend.”
Sadie clenched her jaw. “Don’t tell me what my son would want.” Then she added, “Make sure you lock the front door on your way out.”
Leah left without a word.
After she was gone, Sadie experienced a flash of regret.
Leah doesn’t deserve this.
Part of her wanted to apologize, beg forgiveness. But that would just make things worse in the end. Leah was never going to forgive her for what she was about to do.
She strode across the room to the closet, grabbed a couple of sweaters and added them to the suitcase. She had no idea where she was going, but she wanted to be prepared. In the ensuite bathroom, she rifled through the bottles in the medicine cabinet. She hit pay dirt. Three bottles of prescription muscle relaxants and sleep aids. At least a hundred pills.
She went downstairs, making a beeline for Philip’s office. The door was closed and she hesitated in front of it. There were two more things she needed. Both were on the other side of the door.
She stepped inside. Shutting the door behind her, she disregarded the mess and headed for the filing cabinet where she grabbed the last three bottles of Cabernet. She wrapped them in one of Philip’s t-shirts and stuffed them into a small duffel bag that Philip used when he went golfing.
She hurried to the closet.
The cedar box was still there.
“Ok, Sadie. Now what?”
She reached for the box. It was heavier than she expected, and her hands shook as she lifted the lid. They shook even more when she touched the frigid metal of the gun. She picked up the magazine and studied it. It held a single bullet.
“I hope to God you know what you’re doing.”
She stuffed the gun back into the box, placed it in the bag, then searched the closet shelf for more bullets. She came up empty. She looked in Philip’s desk, in the filing cabinet, in an old briefcase. Still nothing.
“Well, it’s not as if you need target practice,” she muttered. “How hard can it be? Point and shoot.”
She grabbed the duffel bag and made for the door.
The knob turned before she touched it.
Damn!
The door opened.
“Sadie!” Leah exclaimed. “I, uh…”
“What are you doing here? I thought you went home.”
Leah’s eyes flitted across the room. “I was going to, but… then I remembered I left a book here.”
Sadie frowned. “In Philip’s office?”
“Well, I thought maybe someone moved it in here. It’s not in the kitchen. Or the living room.”
“What’s it called? I’ll help you look for it.”
“Uh, don’t worry about it. Actually, I think I left it in my car.”
Sadie watched her friend, puzzled by her odd behavior.
Why was Leah here, in Philip’s office?
The answer washed over her with tsunami force, subsiding silently, then lashing back with a vengeance.
Damn them both!
Philip must have told Leah about his hidden stash of Cabernet. And since she’d already seen a bottle in Sadie’s bedroom, she’d come back to dispose of the others.
Leah said something in a low voice.
“Pardon?”
“I don’t know what to say anymore,” Leah said. “Or do.”
“No worries.”
“But I don’t want things to be like this between us. Just tell me what I can do to help and I’ll do it.”