"So he came down here and bought a cover-up, right? And then kept me medicated so I wouldn't remember, couldn't learn about my abilities, much less consciously control them."
It wasn't that deliberate. The doctors and medicines. He never understood what happened to Mommy, but he was afraid it would happen to you too. He did his best to keep that from happening, Diana.
"If you say so." Diana hesitated, sticking close to the shrubbery that half masked one of the service entrances. "Now where do I go? Dammit, never a guide around when I need one." She crossed her arms over her breasts and shivered. She was cold. And getting colder.
You know why.
"Yeah. Your plan. Why didn't you try it sooner?"
Couldn't. I didn't live to be strong enough.
"And I did?"
Yes. It'll take your strength. Plus the others. The ones who're ready to move on.
"Waiting all this time for me?"
Yes. Waiting for a chance. A chance to stop it.
"You keep saying 'it.' All of you do. But Samuel Barton was a man once upon a time."
It was never a man. Not really. It was always evil. And when they killed its flesh, they set it free. Helped it grow even more powerful.
"So it could possess anyone not strong enough to fight it off."
Yes, sometimes. But if they weren't strong enough to fight it off, they weren't strong enough to hold it for long. They... burned out. And it was energy again, building up, looking for another host. A more permanent host.
"Me."
Once you discovered what you could do, once you began remembering and became aware, it was only a matter of time before it sensed your strength. Your abilities. But it happened much faster than we expected. I'm sorry, Diana.
"Maybe faster is better," Diana said, half to herself. "I've barely had time to think. Otherwise, all this would probably drive me back into a mental hospital."
No. That won't happen again. You're too strong now.
"I hope you're right." Diana looked around again, then slipped through the shrubbery and used the service entrance. Despite the blinking control pad indicating the presence of a security system, she simply turned the handle and opened the door.
Electronics didn't work in the gray time. Or maybe they just didn't exist. Diana had never known which.
Tha-thum.
"Oh, shit," she whispered.
Diana.
She realized she was pressed up against the icy wall just inside the door, palms flat on either side of her hips. She realized that her legs were about to buckle, that she was about to slide down the wall and end up in a heap on the floor, helpless.
Useless.
Diana! Don't let it make you afraid. That's how it catches us. That's how it wins.
"I can make a door," she whispered. "I can bring the door to me. I can — "
No. You can't open a door. Not here. Not alone.
She drew a breath, fighting to steady herself, trying to will the strength to return to her body. It was the hardest thing she'd ever done, and she wasn't at all sure she was successful, but she tried her best. "Where is it?"
Near. But you have a safe place. The green door, Diana. Find the green door.
"I made one before."
You have to find the one that exists on both sides. In both worlds. Find that green door, Diana.
"Why aren't you here to lead me?"
Because there's something I have to do on this side. But I'll help you. Just keep going.
The plan. Diana pushed herself away from the cold, cold wall and started down what looked like an endless, featureless corridor, searching for a green door.
CHAPTER 18
He hadn't really expected to find her in the conservatory, but Quentin checked there first, just to be sure. No Diana, just a dozen easels holding sketchpads and canvases. He stood in the doorway and gazed out over the security-lit gardens, trying to quiet his mind and concentrate his senses, trying to reach out for her. To see farther than he could see. To hear farther than he could hear. To touch what was just beyond his reach. All he could feel was his pounding heart. "Is there something between us? You and me?" He should have answered her. Should have told her the truth, all of it. He had an aching sense that it would have made a difference now.
"Quentin, what the hell's going on?"
It was Nate, with Stephanie beside him, both of them holding guns and looking worried, and Quentin was conscious of a distant shock that they had approached without his awareness.
Where was the spider sense? Why couldn't he sense Diana in some way?
"Diana's missing," he said, offering the short and reasonable version.
"Shit," Nate said, stepping back outside and fumbling for his police radio.
Stephanie said, "Would she have come out here? This late?"
Another question he couldn't take the time to answer with the truth. Instead, as a memory jabbed him, he said quickly, "Stephanie, are there any green doors in The Lodge?"
"Green doors? No, I — wait." She frowned. "Yeah, there is one. I remember a note about it in my manager's file, something about that door being left its original color because it was virtually the only wooden structure to survive the fire."
"The North Wing fire?"
"Yeah. Apparently, one of the owners was superstitious about it."
He stared at her. "My room's in that wing. I don't remember ever seeing a green door."
"Well, you wouldn't have. It's at the end of a hallway with a funny corner, and it's all service areas now. Has been since the wing was rebuilt. Linen storage, an equipment room, supply closet. There's no window at the end of that hall, and it's the opposite end from the stairs, so you wouldn't be drawn in that direction."
"And it's the only green door in the building?"
"Far as I know." She was frowning at him.
Quentin wasn't surprised. He thought he probably looked a little wild. Or a lot wild. "Where is it?" he demanded. "How do I get there?"
"It's — North Wing, third floor. Turn left at the top of the central stairs, then all the way to the end."
Christ, he'd been closer to it when he had first realized Diana was gone. Quentin didn't wait to see if the others joined him. He just ran. He thought he heard Nate yelling something after him, something about one of his men reporting that Cullen Ruppe had been attacked, but all his energy was focused on finding Diana.
And it was when he was halfway up the dimly lit stairs that he was brought almost to his knees by the first real vision of his entire life.
For the very first time, he saw the future.
Diana thought it was going to take more strength than she had, but somehow she managed to follow Missy's directions. Turn. Take the stairs. Up another floor. Turn again.
She was getting colder and colder, so cold that she wondered why her breath wasn't misting the air before her. Except that was another thing that never happened in the gray time.
Tha-thum.
Tha-thum.
She tried to move faster, but her legs ached and it was difficult just to put one foot in front of the other. And that strange, hollow fluttering that seemed to be inside her. She wasn't sure if it was her own heart pounding or that other, more primitive sound.
Listen to me, Diana. The green door is just ahead. Just around that corner. I want you to open it. But don't go in.