Well, it was over. Malien shrugged her bag over her shoulder, adjusted her hat and set out in the direction of Ashmode. She felt as though a great weight had left her shoulders. Perhaps Tiaan had done the right thing after all.
As Tiaan trudged up the road beside Merryl, she wondered where it had all gone wrong. How could her youthful dreams have all come to nothing? Had she made the wrong choices, or was she incapable of the right ones? Or had it just been luck, or fate? Had her life, in a sense, been doomed from the beginning?
Would it have been better if she’d never lived at all? Would her ghosts, especially Minis, haunt her forever? She felt very low. She’d made bad choices for good reasons, Tiaan knew, and she couldn’t forgive herself for what had come from them. She’d tried to do what was good and right and decent, and over and again it had gone terribly wrong. Yet Irisis, who seldom agonised over her choices, had ended up ennobling herself.
Perhaps it’s because, in the end, I’m always thinking of myself, Tiaan thought. I could never be as selfless as Irisis, who gives simply because that is her nature, with no expectation of return. I’ve become afraid to give, and afraid to share myself.
‘What am I going to do, Merryl?’ she cried. ‘I’ve failed at everything I’ve done, and now I’ve got nothing left.’
‘But you found me and saved me,’ he said gently. ‘I’ll always love you, and even when we’re apart we’ll always have each other.’
She didn’t answer straight away, just plodded on, head down, watching the dust rise with every step.
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘Sometimes I become so obsessed by what I’ve lost, and how I’ve failed, that I can’t see what I’ve gained. What are you going to do now?’
‘I’m going home to Tiksi, to find Marnie.’
‘After what she did to you?’ Tiaan said, a little sharply, before she remembered that she was talking to her father. ‘Sorry.’
‘In my years as a slave I learned to forgive all sorts of things. It was the one part of my life I had control over. I’ve even forgiven the lyrinx who enslaved me and ate my hand, and I’m all the better for it. Hate is corrosive, Tiaan. It’s far better to forgive, once you can, and get on with life and living.’
‘I’ve always found it hard to forgive my enemies,’ said Tiaan. ‘But surely you can’t believe that you and Marnie could ever live together? She’s my mother and I love her, but she’s the most thoughtless, vain and selfish woman who ever lived.’
‘I don’t expect it to go well,’ he said mildly. ‘I learned long ago that expecting things out of life is the road to misery. But I can still hope for it.’
‘Why would you want to?’
‘She was my first and only love and, after I got over my fury, the thought of her sustained me through all the years of slavery. As well as the thought of you, Tiaan – the beautiful child we made together.’ He kicked a pebble off the path, watching thoughtfully as it rustled through the dry grass. ‘And then, look at Marnie’s children – all living, healthy, clever and hardworking, so there must be more to her than you think. And maybe, just maybe, after the hard times she’s endured since the breeding factory was destroyed, she’s changed.’
‘Maybe,’ Tiaan said dubiously. ‘But I think you’ll have rather a lot of forgiving to do.’
‘I’m prepared to forgive her every day of my life. So, shall we go looking for Marnie?’
‘Yes,’ said Tiaan. ‘Let’s put the past behind us.’ Her eyes were shining. She lifted her chin and looked east and south, to where Tiksi lay beyond sea and plains and mountains. It would be a long and perilous journey but every step would be a step closer to home. ‘A new start.’
‘For all of us,’ he said, taking her hand. ‘And for you most of all, my precious daughter.’
EIGHTY-ONE
Nish was tied up by two burly guards and thrust to the ground beside Flydd and Yggur. He watched the thapter hurtling away from Ashmode, and Jal-Nish working the tears to try to bring it back. The song of the tears rose to a shriek but after a struggle of some minutes the thapter broke free. ‘That’s not going to put Father in a better frame of mind,’ he said to himself.
‘Masterly understatement, as usual,’ said Irisis behind him.
Nish’s heart froze solid. The troops had her as well. As he turned, they forced Irisis to her knees then stepped back with the other guards, hands on their sword hilts. No soldier of Jal-Nish would dare to fail in watchfulness.
‘What are you doing here?’ he cried. ‘I thought you were gone; safe.’
‘More fool you,’ she said blithely, ‘if you thought I was going to abandon my best friend in all the world.’
Nish tore at his hair. ‘Father will kill you. He’ll rend you limb from limb.’
‘I don’t abandon my friends,’ said Irisis. ‘Ever. Besides,’ she said in a low voice, ‘Tiaan has a plan and I’ve got every confidence in her.’
Nish had felt the same way until he saw Irisis. Now he knew that Tiaan’s plan, whatever it was, couldn’t work. A numb terror spread through him. This was the end. He was going to lose her. She’d always said she wouldn’t live to old age and he’d always scoffed. Why hadn’t he protected her?
‘I hope it works. I’m afraid, Nish.’ Suddenly she wasn’t bold, reckless Irisis any more, the stalwart who had survived a thousand crises barely ruffled. She was just a frightened young woman whom he loved with all his heart, and that made it so very much worse.
‘So am I.’
Jal-Nish paid them no attention. He seemed to be suffering aftersickness from his struggle to bring the thapter back, for he was bent right over, arm hanging. Unfortunately it didn’t give them a chance to escape. His red-coated soldiers had secured the remainder of Troist’s officers and, backed by the manifest power of the tears, no one had dared resist them. At least, not after the initial demonstration, which had left three officers crisped and belching black smoke in the centre of the square.
‘I wonder what Tiaan has in mind?’ said Irisis.
‘I don’t know, but I’m sure Yggur or Flydd do.’ They were still lying on the ground, though both were alive and conscious. Nish could see one of Flydd’s eyes staring across the square. Had Jal-Nish paralysed him, or was Flydd just waiting his chance?
‘How are you … surr?’ Nish said quietly.
‘It’s not one of the greatest days of my life,’ Flydd said, speaking with an effort. He groaned. ‘I can’t think how I allowed this to happen.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I knew what a sneaking, treacherous dog your father was. I should have gone over the Gumby Marth battlefield with a pair of tweezers. As if he’d allow himself to be eaten by the enemy.’
‘As if the lyrinx would eat him,’ said Yggur, sitting up. ‘His flesh would be as poisonous as a toad’s.’
‘I was so pleased to hear of his passing,’ said Flydd, now moving an arm experimentally, ‘that I failed to make sure that he had. And now we suffer for it.’
‘Tiaan has got something in mind,’ said Nish. ‘She got away with Malien, Gilhaelith and Merryl.’
‘I saw the end of her struggle with Jal-Nish,’ said Flydd.
‘She’s gone towards the Well,’ said Irisis.
‘Irisis!’ choked Flydd, rolling over and staring in her direction. ‘They got you too?’
‘I couldn’t go without Nish or you, surr.’
‘Bloody fool! I’d abandon you quickly enough, if the need required it.’