My lungs emptied of air. “I don’t want to lose you, Eddie.” In an abrupt reversal, I added, “I’ll even go back to the compound, if we can stay together. I’ll do anything for you, Eddie, because you did everything for me.”
For a second, I stepped out of my body and sensed how strange it had to be for the others to witness such an intimate moment-my husband practically announcing his preference for men and my trying to hold our marriage together, even if it was in the oblique manner of a proper Chinese couple, in so tiny a room. And I’ll say this: nothing that was said came as a surprise to my relatives, but that Maryanne sure didn’t know what had hit her.
“A family without a woman is like a man without a soul,” Eddie recited. My parents nodded, happy that they had him on their side, and recognizing, at last, that he had come from lineage as good as, if not better than, ours. “I love you and Tommy, but you don’t need to stay with me out of duty or obligation. I’ll buy a house for the two of you. What city you choose is your business, but you might want to consider Los Angeles, where you’ll be closer to-”
Tommy’s real father…
“-me,” Eddie finished. He may have been humbled and shell-shocked, but he would forever be a gentleman in my eyes. He’d never let me down when I needed him the most.
“I don’t want you to be alone.” My voice cracked.
“He won’t be alone,” Baba declared, breaking into the conversation. “Your husband will live with us. We have enough disgrace with you being a widow and a big-thigh girl, but at least you aren’t divorced.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was better to have Eddie as a son-in-law than me as a daughter? The realization was excruciating yet oddly freeing. I felt like a balloon that had been released from a child’s fingers-up and away…
“I wanted to give your father eight sons,” Mama murmured. “Eddie can be our eighth son. He needs loved ones to take care of him. Maryanne is a nurse, which is even better than having a doctor in the family. I promise you, Helen, that I’ll cherish him as my own.”
All eyes turned to Eddie. He was a man of elegant grace, but his defeated shoulders and bowed head illustrated more than any words how broken and fragile he was. Still, he was better than a daughter, a widowed daughter, or a divorced daughter.
Eddie lifted his chin and spoke directly to Baba. “I’m not going to change who and what I am.”
“So? I won’t be changing who I am, and it’s clear Monroe hasn’t changed who he is,” Baba replied. “The gossips will do what they do, but you are part of my family and that will never change.”
Mama reached up and took Eddie’s hand, which wordlessly seemed to seal the deal. Perhaps the most overused Chinese curse is May you live in interesting times. With the addition of Eddie and Maryanne, the people who lived in the compound were about to experience some “interesting times.” I was glad to keep my little Tommy out of it.
A FEW DAYS later, Eddie departed for California with Mama, Baba, and the newlyweds. Even though he was leaving, I didn’t feel he was abandoning me. He was doing what was best for me, for Tommy, and for himself. In that regard, we would be forever partners in the true sense of the word. When Tommy and I returned from Grand Central Terminal, our suite felt empty. Tommy missed Eddie already, but I’d always be number one in my son’s eyes. But the separations were hardly over. Miami awaited Grace, and Ruby would be heading to Las Vegas, but what about me? Never have I heard so much crying up the virtues of wine to sell vinegar.
Ruby pressed me to go with her: “That way you’ll be close to San Francisco and Los Angeles. Don’t you want Tommy to see Eddie and meet his real father too?”
“What? Do you expect me to show up on Tim’s doorstep? Here we are. Forget it,” I pronounced with finality.
Eddie called and repeated his suggestion that I move to Los Angeles-close, but far enough for us to lead our own lives: “We’ll always be like a pair of mandarin ducks-forever an affectionate couple. And I don’t want to lose Tommy.” I promised that, no matter where I decided to live, I’d make sure Eddie saw Tommy at least twice a year.
Grace put the screws to me too: “Come with me and you’ll be the first millionaire among us.”
They all wanted me. I was being given a chance for a new beginning. I could release the bad things that I’d done and that had been done to me, which meant goodbye at last to my natal family, goodbye to the compound, goodbye to Eddie, goodbye to Ruby, and goodbye to so many sad memories, resentments, and jealousies. I would no longer let my history determine my destiny. I would go to Miami with Grace.
I had made it this far without revealing my deepest secrets, and, for a moment, I forgot that to believe in dreams is to spend half your life asleep.
GRACE: Movie Talk
A week later, as we were finishing our contractual obligations to the China Doll, scouts from a new television show called Toast of the Town visited the club. Ed Sullivan, who’d written so much about us in his column since we’d come to New York, was to be the host. “He’s looking for an Oriental act,” Sam Bernstein said when he called to discuss an offer.
“I’ll do it!” I practically shouted into the receiver.
“I bet you would, but it’s for a trio. Would you be willing to work with Ruby and Helen?”
Helen rejoiced when I told her about the opportunity. “This could be the beginning of Heaven and Earth! Epoch-making! Finally, after all these years, we’re going to perform together… and on national television. Think of where that could lead…”
We didn’t have a lot of time to prepare, Helen had never been much of a hoofer, and Ruby’s specialty was walking around with a bubble in front of her. Ruby spoke to Mr. Arden on his last day at the China Doll, and he came up with all sorts of cockamamie concepts for what we could perform. Helen called Eddie to get his ideas.
“Be the girls you’ve always been,” he told her. “Be yourselves.”
When Helen relayed that message to us, I pictured something in my mind.
“We’ll do ‘Let Me Play with It,’ ” I said. “We can update the original arrangement by dropping the country sound and going with all strings. We’ll do the routine we taught Helen back on the Waverly Playground but all in soft shoe. If we keep it simple, then we’ll still have enough breath to sing. Of course, everything will need to be squeaky clean for Mr. Sullivan, but it could be fun… and unexpected.”
Helen and Ruby loved the idea.
“What should we call ourselves?” Ruby asked.
“That’s easy,” Helen said shyly. “The Swing Sisters, like I suggested all those years ago in Sam Wo.”
Ruby and I loved that idea.
We worked on the routine in the afternoons, and then we went to the China Doll for our three shows. I’d rarely been so exhausted, but excitement and anticipation buoyed all of us.
Several nights later, I left the China Doll early, hoping to spend a few quiet minutes alone going over the details of our Toast of the Town performance before Ruby, Helen, and Tommy returned to the hotel. I waded through the usual stage-door Johnnies, waving them off as the endearing nuisance I’d grown to accept. A tenderly thin man, wearing a fedora pulled low and leaning his weight on a cane, stood a little removed from the other Johnnies. He was tall and his shoulders were broad, but the message he sent with his body was one of frailty. His eyes pulled mine to his.
Joe.