Actually, I hadn’t. And, as much as I hated to admit it, what she’d said about Grace’s ambition could just as easily have been addressed to me.
“Everything you say is accurate,” Grace also agreed, “except that I didn’t report Ruby.”
“Ha!” I exclaimed, like I was a five-year-old.
The room went quiet again, but it practically vibrated from the intense emotions. I’ll admit it. Right that second, a part of me wanted to laugh. The three of us in such a crazy fight. My blowing my top-so not my usual style. Helen going all samurai on Grace, who, in turn, was suddenly acting the part of placating queen. Toss a little Joe into the mix for fun. Ridiculous.
Oh, and Tommy, too. Where was he? Over there in the corner. He’d been hearing all this, but Helen hadn’t done a single thing to protect him. She hadn’t covered his ears or rushed him out of the room. She’d temporarily forgotten about him. That was so singularly shocking that my thoughts suddenly shifted in a frighteningly new direction. I blinked several times as memories skimmed across my mind: how Helen had reacted after the attack on Pearl Harbor, the way she wouldn’t meet my eyes when she repeated George Louie’s gossip about Grace, the way she instinctively clutched at her breast when the subject of Japan or the Japanese entered the conversation, and, farther back, the way she’d said that Charlie hadn’t hired me because I was Jap (when actually he didn’t like that I’d made a pass at him), and the way she’d always called attention to my race when I could so thoroughly pass that no one had suspected until…
I backed away. My spine hit the wall. “You reported me, Helen,” I said from a place so deep inside that my words came out a bare whisper.
The accusation shuddered in the air. Helen stared up at me. Cornered… Then, accepting… Then, proud…
“Yes, I did.” Helen owned up in a chillingly matter-of-fact tone.
Grace shook her head like some disbelieving cartoon character. “What?”
Helen remained utterly still, except for her eyes, which moved to Grace. “I did it for you. Ruby broke your heart first by sleeping with Joe and then by saying yes to his marriage proposal. Getting rid of her gave you a chance to be with him.”
I could see Grace struggling to catch up as she seemed to replay those days in her mind. Then she said, “That doesn’t make sense. I accepted that Ruby and Joe were going to be married. I didn’t do a single thing to slow or stop it.”
Helen’s lips quivered as her reason instantly fell apart. She tried another excuse. “You can’t tell me you didn’t want to be in Aloha, Boys! I gave you what you wanted.”
But we’d already covered that territory.
Helen’s eyes now searched the room until they came to her son. She reached out to him, beckoning. He ran across the room and put his arms around her neck.
Take pity on me.
Maybe her ploy worked, because my anger was gone and I was weirdly back in my body. Of course, all this was a lot more self-awareness than I was used to, which meant I was unnerved as hell. Still, I needed to know why Helen had turned me in. With some effort, I pushed myself away from the wall, moved to Helen, and put a finger under her chin to lift it. “During the war, it was our national job to hate the Japs,” I said, trying to speak her language. “We wouldn’t have been Americans if we hadn’t hated them. They attacked us, and we dropped atomic bombs on their country. But why hurt me, Helen? What did I ever do to deserve what you did to me?”
Helen suddenly jerked her body and pushed Tommy away from her. He scrambled to a corner. She sat as still as death, her head hung low. I don’t know about Grace, but I felt like my heart was in my mouth.
“They killed my baby,” Helen murmured.
“Baby? Honey, Tommy’s right here,” Grace said.
Helen’s head moved from side to side-no, no, no-as she slowly rose to her feet. “I knew love once.”
“Yes, your husband,” Grace prompted softly.
“Lai Kai,” Helen said. “We were so happy. I got pregnant. I had a son. His name was Dajun.”
“Oh, Jesus,” Grace rasped.
“Dajun was three months old when the Japs invaded.” Helen’s eyes seemed to focus on a scene about a foot before her face that only she could see. “Like everyone else, we ran. The whole family. We couldn’t believe that the soldiers would kill civilians, but we passed bodies everywhere-women with their pants pulled off and sticks shoved up inside them, babies tossed in ditches, men with bullets in their heads, people burned and still smoldering, limbs blown from torsos. We heard gunfire and screams.”
I covered my mouth with my hands. Next to me, Grace shut her eyes and held her two closed fists against her cheeks. Tommy whimpered in the corner. In a way, Helen was like I was earlier-unleashed. She didn’t need us to ask questions. Her secret was out, and she was going to tell the whole story. Another one of those godforsaken dams broken. Shit.
“We saw smoke billowing from a village and the bodies of its inhabitants-shot and bayoneted-dumped in an open trench for dogs to eat,” Helen intoned relentlessly. “Beneath our feet, the ground shook with thousands of boots pounding the earth. We dropped down into a rice paddy. After the soldiers killed Lai Kai, they found the others one by one. They used bayonets and swords to slash and stab. They killed my mother-in-law and father-in-law. They killed my sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, and all their children.”
I listened in horror as the enormity of what had happened to Helen ruptured for good the silly way I’d chosen to the view the world, even when “bad” things happened to me.
Helen sucked in a breath in an attempt to steady herself. “I tried to run, but I tripped over bodies. One of the soldiers… He held his bayonet before him… Blood covered his face… His mouth was open wide… I could see the white of his teeth. I held Dajun to my heart. I could do nothing to save my son, but at least we would die together.”
Tears streaked down her face as she opened her blouse to expose the scar on her breast.
“The blade went through my son and into me. The soldier yanked his bayonet back. He took Dajun on the blade.” She collapsed to her knees. “My baby died to save me, and I failed as a mother. After that… The soldiers ruined me… One after the other… They left me for dead. Except I wasn’t dead. I had to live with what had happened.”
Grace and I stared at each other-mute, paralyzed. She moved first, putting a hand on Helen’s shoulder. I felt soul-sick.
“You are so courageous, Helen,” Grace said. “I don’t think I could have survived what you went through.”
“Me either,” I said gently. “I probably would have killed myself. But I hope you realize none of that was my fault. And I wish more than anything that I could have done something to make you hate me less.”
“I don’t hate you,” Helen said, and I thought that despite the terrible-and unwarranted-punishment she’d inflicted on me, I could forgive her because she’d suffered the worst losses a woman can endure and in the most horrific and terrifying ways. Then she went on. “Being around you was like picking at a scab and sucking the blood.”
Jeez. But I could see it. She’d taken perverse pleasure-from the first moment we met-in attaching herself to me.
“I never had much in the way of inner strength.” Helen wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I didn’t need it. I was raised to be cared for by my husband and his family. I was taught that my son would look after me when I became a widow. All that changed the night my husband and baby were killed. After that, I had no family protection and no purpose. I was lucky Mama and Baba allowed me to come home, but I was an embarrassment to them. When you are held under water, you only think of air. I needed air, and you gave it to me. I needed help, and you took me in. But I also wanted to destroy you as my husband and son were destroyed.”