And I don’t need you to be me anymore
Because I’m finding me
The lyrics hit Summer as she sang along. Her friendship with Ashlyn had helped her figure out who she really was. Had helped her find herself when she was lost. She owed Ashlyn more than she could ever repay. Just a few more hours and I tell her and Pamela the truth.
She wanted to slow down time and speed it up, all at the same time.
Fresh ocean air wafted over Summer as she climbed out of Ashlyn’s car, and again she thought how much she loved this place. She froze when she spotted Troy, already on the beach. A couple of guys and three girls were standing by him. One of the girls had her arm around him. The chocolate doughnut she’d had this morning turned sour in her stomach.
“See what I mean?” Summer pointed down at the beach. “He’s always got a girl hanging all over him.” She wasn’t sure if she should feel better or worse that he was with a different girl and not the volleyball player again.
Ashlyn glanced from Troy and his group, back to Summer. “You want to go up shore a bit?”
“No, it’s fine.” Summer pulled the long board off the car’s roof. “Let’s just go get in the water.” Where I can forget about Mister Bond and all his many women.
Summer and Ashlyn made their way down the wooden steps to the sand. Summer held her board to try to hide her from Troy and his group, hoping he wouldn’t notice her trying to sneak past, but no such luck.
“Sunshine! Ashlyn! Glad you decided to come catch some waves with us.” Troy walked over to Summer, leaving whatever girl he was talking to minutes ago looking all sad and bewildered. “So, do you have another riddle for me?”
Summer raised an eyebrow. “Did you figure out the first one?”
“No. I can’t figure you out at all.”
“Troy,” the girl whined. “I thought you were going to teach me to surf.”
“Sounds like you’ve got to go.” Summer started to turn as she threw out, “Later.”
Troy grabbed her arm, stopping her mid-stride. He moved so close his bare chest bumped her shoulder, and then he lowered his lips to her ear. “You’re the one who kissed me then ignored me for days. I don’t understand why you get to be mad.”
Her heart pounded out a rapid rhythm, and her skin blazed every place it touched his. Finally she met his green eyes—a mistake, really—but she managed to find her voice again. “You’re right. Look, I didn’t mean to mess up our friendship. I wish we could go back to the way things used to be. Before I . . . ” Her gaze dropped to his lips. She swallowed, the action taking way more effort than usual.
“That’s what you really want?” he asked, his eyes never leaving hers.
Words wouldn’t come, so she nodded.
“Okay then.” Troy ran his fingers down her arm, and then they were gone, and he was stepping back. And she was hating herself, even as she was telling herself it was good she’d been strong—she was never letting another boy walk all over her, even one she cared about as much as Troy. “Maybe I’ll catch up with you in the water.”
The girl Troy had been next to earlier was shooting daggers at Summer. Summer looked from her back to Troy. “I’m guessing you’ll have your hands pretty full.” She readjusted her board then moved over to Ashlyn. They walked a few more yards down the beach, where there was a nice open spot.
Ashlyn pulled at the sleeves on her wetsuit. “So, as I stood there, feeling out of place and awkward while you talked to Troy—thanks for that by the way—”
“Sorry,” Summer said.
“It’s okay. You two were pretty lost to the world there for a few minutes. I did happen to notice that you didn’t exactly tell him how you felt, though.”
“What was I supposed to do? Plant one on him right there in front of his date and tell him to pick me instead?”
“Did you give him any hint at all?” Ashlyn asked.
Summer stared out over the endless blue-green waves. “I said I wanted things to go back to the way they were before I kissed him.”
“Liar.”
“Hey!” Summer kicked water at her, and Ashlyn dodged it with a laugh. “Are we going to surf, or are we going to talk boys?”
Ashlyn smiled an up-to-no-good smile. “I choose boys.”
“Liar.”
“You’re right. Let’s surf. I don’t want to think about boys until I’m freaking out about my date.”
Summer dropped her board into the water. “Until then.”
This was it. The moment she was going to inform Pamela that her daughter didn’t have long to live. It wasn’t going to be easy. In fact, there was a good chance she might puke before she got out the words. But then she’d explain how she was going to try to stop Ashlyn’s death—she’d tell her that they should still prepare for the worst, though. It had to work. It just had to.
Sucking in a giant breath, Summer walked into the kitchen, where Pamela was sitting on a barstool, ever-present water bottle in front of her. She stepped right in front of Ashlyn’s mom and told herself to be strong, no matter what. “I have to tell you something.” Well, the tremble in her voice wasn’t as strong as she wanted, but she’d gotten out the words.
Pamela dropped her fitness magazine onto the counter and glared up at her. “Oh goody. More advice from a teenager.”
“It’s just that Ashlyn… Ashlyn is going to…” Summer’s tongue felt too big for her mouth, and the words wouldn’t form. No sound came out when she tried again. Twice more, and nothing still, even when she attempted to shout it. She literally couldn’t tell her.
Fine. I won’t say it okay? Summer silently pleaded with whoever was listening.
Her throat relaxed her tongue felt normal again. Summer rubbed her tight jaw, while Pamela sat, staring at her, not bothering to hide how annoyed she was. She searched for something else to say. “Ashlyn is going to be nervous for her date, and I was hoping you could tell her how awesome she looks right before she leaves. You know, since I won’t be here to amp her up.”
“Sure. I’ll tell her.” Pamela’s expression made it clear she thought the request was ridiculous, but maybe it would be enough to squeeze a compliment out of her anyway.
“Thanks.” Summer grabbed two Diet Cokes out of the fridge. On her way back to Ashlyn’s room, she worked to clear her mind. Maybe if she took a more spontaneous approach she’d have more luck. “Here’s your Coke.” Summer set one can on the dresser, then popped hers open.
“This shirt?” Ashlyn held a black top over her T-shirt. “Or this one?” A purple scoop-neck top replaced the black.
“Ashlyn, you’re going to—” Summer’s throat tightened, and her tongue felt too big, the same way it had when she’d tried to tell Pamela. That was as spontaneous as she could get, and it still hadn’t worked.
“I’m going to what?”
Clearing her throat gave Summer the needed seconds to recover and think of something else. “You’re going to look awesome in either.”
“I think I’ll go with the purple. Help me choose some shoes.”
Summer moved to the closet and stood next to Ashlyn. A variety of shoes lined the floor. “Comfy or looks?”
“Looks, of course,” Ashlyn said. “Don’t you remember how shallow I am?”
Summer smiled and pointed to the black boots with the four-inch heels. “Those then.” The heels should make her feel awesome, even if her mom failed to. “You’re wrong, though. You’re not shallow.”
“So now would probably be the wrong time to tell you I rented that boxing movie with the hot guys, planning to watch it on mute?”
“Well, as long as I’m invited to watch it with you, I see nothing wrong with that.”