“One of my firm’s clients is Toyota,” she said. “I’ve worked on their account and have seen their projections of sales figures for the coming year. They are very excited about entering the minivan market.”
“Oh my God,” Jake said, feeling a little like he had been punched. “A fucking minivan? How could she do this to me?”
“Maybe it’s because you’re trying to hire a twenty-one-year-old nanny named Meghan,” Neesh suggested.
The new Toyota Sienna was royal blue, Jake’s favorite color. Its paint was shiny and new. It had two rows of seats behind the driver and passenger section, making it capable of seating five in comfort in addition to Caydee and her car seat. The seats were plush and quite comfortable, with more leg room than Jake’s BMW. It had a premium sound system, anti-lock brakes, airbags, cruise control, and power ports installed for every seat. It had the exquisite smell of a new vehicle. It had a V-6 engine that produced 194 horsepower, which gave it impressive acceleration and handling. Despite all of this, Jake hated it on first sight and he would continue to hate it for as long as it existed as part of the Kingsley household.
“A minivan?” he asked his wife. “Why’d you have to get a minivan?”
“You told me to get whatever I want,” she told him, upset that he did not like her new ride. “It’s the perfect family car.”
“We only have one kid,” Jake protested. “We don’t need a whole van.”
“Not right now, we don’t,” Laura said, “but what if we have more kids? What if Caydee joins the soccer team or something when she’s in school and I have to drive multiple kids around. This is what I wanted, Jake!”
“Man,” Jake said sadly, shaking his head. “You know, of course, that I can never drive this thing. Hell, I can’t even ride in it while you drive it.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because it’s a minivan,” he said. “I’m Jake Kingsley, hon. I have street cred to think of. I am considered one of the best rock singers of all time. I hang out with fuckin’ Bigg G and make music with him. All that shit goes out the window if some pap motherfucker snaps a picture of me in a goddamn minivan and publishes it in the Watcher. I would never sell another CD as long as I lived.”
Laura rolled her eyes a little. “Are you maybe being just a bit dramatic here?” she asked.
“Am I being dramatic, G?” Jake asked his friend and fellow street-cred carrying musician.
“No, not at all,” G confirmed. “In fact, I would go a step further and make sure that you aren’t even photographed near this thing, just to be safe.”
Laura looked up at the heavens and shook her head. “Fuck me,” she muttered.
“Maybe later,” Jake told her. “Come on. Let’s get inside and introduce G and Neesh to Caydee.”
They went in the house. Elsa was holding Caydee in one of the rocking chairs in the entertainment room, feeding her with a bottle of breast milk that Laura had heated up. Now almost four months old, Caydee could hold her head up without problem and had developed significant personality. She spit out the bottle and smiled when she saw her daddy come in the room. She began to babble happily and held out her arms to him.
As always, Jake’s heart felt warm when he saw his daughter look at him that way. He smiled and plucked her out of Elsa’s arms. She liked it when he tossed her in the air, but he did not perform this maneuver now. Experience had taught him that tossing her or jostling her too much immediately after she fed was a bad idea.
“Hey, little girl!” he said, holding her in front of his face instead, his hands supporting her by her armpits. “How was your day?”
She babbled out a little paragraph to him and he elected to believe that she was telling him about her day. He kissed her soundly on each cheek and then gave her a hug, which he then transitioned into a cradling hold. He stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at her. She giggled excitedly in response and then tried to blow a raspberry of her own.
“Seriously, Caydee,” he said to her. “Why didn’t you tell Mommy that minivans are not cool? Is that why she left you at home? So your protest could not be heard?”
“Enough about the freakin’ minivan,” Laura said sourly. “I will not have you turning her against my vehicle.”
“Sorry,” he said with a chuckle. “I’ll let her come to her own conclusion that it’s an atrocity before mankind.”
He carried Caydee over to G and Neesh and made the formal introductions. They both exclaimed over her cuteness and then Jake gave her to Gordon to hold. He took the baby gingerly—he, like Matt, had never really held one before—but quickly warmed up to the experience. Caydee, who liked being held and talked to, quickly warmed up to G as well. She giggled and smiled at him. She grabbed at his nose with her little fingers though she still did not have the dexterity to get a good grip. G laughed at her antics.
“Tell me something, Jake,” he said. “Am I the first brother to hold this child?”
Jake thought about it for a moment. “Elsa holds her all the time,” he said, “so you’re not the first black person to hold her. But as for the first actual brother ... yeah, I guess you are.”
“Well, what do you know about that?” G asked. “It’s not instinctive.”
“What’s not instinctive?” Jake asked.
“For white women to be afraid of niggers like me,” he said plainly. “Sometimes we feel like it is, you know.”
“No,” Jake said, “I’m pretty sure the phenomenon you describe is learned behavior, instilled by a combination of parenting and societal influence.”
“Sad but true,” G said.
“Very philosophical of you to discuss inherent racial stereotypes,” Neesh said. “Now give me that baby. I need to hold her.”
Between Neesh, G, and Elsa, Jake and Laura spent very little time with their daughter in their arms during that visit. Caydee was quite content to be passed around from guest to guest like a joint. She had already learned that she enjoyed being the center of attention and she relished the affection.
Just before dinner, Laura slipped into Caydee’s room to feed her in privacy—she was very modest about exposing her breasts to people other than Jake, Celia, or Elsa—and then put her down for her last nap before bedtime. When she came back into the family room she went immediately to the bar and started mixing herself a gin and tonic.
“I’ve been looking forward to this all week,” she said with a smile as she tasted the first sip.
“It’s okay for you to drink while you’re breastfeeding?” Neesh asked.
“Usually only one a night,” she said. “Tonight, however, I’m going to get drunk. I’ll just have to pump and dump tomorrow.”
“Pump and dump?” G asked.
“It’s just what it sounds like,” Laura told him. “I’ll drink tonight and then use the pump to get tomorrow’s milk out and then dump it down the sink. That way Caydee won’t get a little buzz of her own.”
“What will you feed Caydee then?” asked Neesh.
“I have lots of milk stored in the refrigerator and the freezer,” Laura explained. “My supply is greater than Caydee’s demand. I still can’t smoke pot though. The THC is fat soluble and will stay in the milk longer.”
“Enough to get her high?” G asked.
Laura shrugged. “Probably not,” she said, “but I really don’t want to take the chance,”
“That’s right,” Jake said. “Caydee can wait until she’s in high school to try it for the first time. She can do it in the bathroom between classes, just like everyone else.”
Laura’s abstinence did not preclude the rest of them from imbibing, however. The four of them went out onto the deck to watch the sun go down and Jake fired up a nice fatty he had rolled earlier. He, Neesh, and G passed it around while Laura looked on with envy. It had been a year since she had last enjoyed some good bud. Two more months, she thought as she relished the odor of the burning marijuana. Get Caydee weaned and then I’m toking up like there’s no tomorrow.