“Njord!” she said. “That motherfucker! Are you saying he is the mole?”
“I believe he is,” Pauline said. “First of all, you have described Njord to me as a pathological liar who likes to run his mouth.”
“That’s right,” Suzie said.
“After I read the article for the first time, I became suspicious of Njord immediately. And so, I called Coop to come have a little chat with me. I remember Laura telling me that Coop was the only one who could stand to be around Njord.”
“That’s right,” Celia said. “They like to sit in the bar at night and try to pick up women.”
“Yes, that’s what Coop told me as well,” Pauline said. “He also told me that Njord is in the habit of introducing himself to his prospects as ‘Celia Valdez’s personal pilot’. And he has also heard the man dissing on Suzie and calling her ‘my lesbo copilot’.”
“Fuck me,” Suzie said, shaking her head in anger. “He is the mole. I’ll kill his ass!”
“That’s what Coop said when we put it all together,” Pauline said. “He was quite outraged, pissed even. I don’t think the two of them will be drinking together anymore after this.”
“I don’t want him flying me around anymore,” Celia said. “I don’t ever want to see his face again, as a matter of fact! Can you believe this shit? He actually told a reporter private things about what happens on the road! Who does something like that?”
“Apparently Njord does,” Suzie said. “And I will see to it that he never sets foot in that aircraft again. I will call up the home office and tell them what he did.” She looked at Celia. “It would be very helpful to our cause if you were to call them up too and express how fucking pissed off you are that a member of your aircrew blabbed his big mouth to the entertainment media about your personal life.”
“What about you?” Celia asked. “Won’t you get in trouble for sleeping with me?”
“Sleeping with you?” Suzie said with a smile. “I’m not sleeping with you. Never have. That was all speculative lies made up by our mole. Remember? You denied everything. I certainly will do the same when HR asks me about it. Yes, you and I like to hang out together on occasion after you get back from your shows, but I have no idea where he came up with the idea that we were getting naked and stinky together.”
Celia smiled back at her. “Of course,” she said. “I didn’t think of that. Should I make my phone call first?”
Suzie shook her head. “I should make mine first and prep them for what is coming. And when you make your call, I would suggest you make it very clear to them that legal action against the company will occur if this situation is not made right and made right immediately.”
“Understood,” Celia said.
“We should probably get Jake and Laura in on this outrage too,” Pauline suggested. “As soon as they reappear in the world anyway.”
“Oh yeah,” Celia said. “I haven’t even gotten to the part about Laura yet.”
“Then read on, Macduff,” Pauline said. “Read on.”
She read on. The writer—her byline identified her as Jessica Barstow—rehashed the Jake and Laura story, explaining that they had met back during the recording of Celia’s debut solo album in 1991 and had gotten married in 1994. She made sure to mention the allegations of domestic violence and drug use made against Jake, including the infamous cocaine from the butt-crack incident, and then she rehashed the allegations that Laura had been a terrible teacher who had been asked to resign when she started dating Jake. She put in a few quotes from Laura’s mother from the American Watcher stories when Mrs. Best speculated about how Jake must be abusing her since she was isolating herself from her devoted Mormon family.
From there, she got into the meat of things. Citing the same ‘anonymous source close to the band’ she described how Laura enjoyed the company of young female groupies (“the sluttier the better” the source was quoted as saying) and would often have one accompany her back to the hotel after the show. She did this openly and all of the other band members and the road crew knew about it. She even suggested that Jake knew about this habit as well. “I don’t see how he could not know,” the source allegedly said. “Jake and Celia are pretty tight with each other. And the saying that what happens on the road stays on the road wouldn’t apply in this situation.”
She then wrapped it up by writing that Pauline Kingsley, spokeswoman and manager of Laura Kingsley as well as Celia herself, stated that Laura, like Celia, emphatically denies the allegations and is outraged that such a thing was even being suggested. After this, Jessica Barstow invited any readers who might have knowledge or stories that could corroborate the allegations against Celia, or Suzie, or Laura, please give her a call at her office or send her an email. Her office number and her email address were printed below her byline.
“Madres de Dios,” Celia said when she was finished reading. “Njord and his big fucking mouth.”
“Let me read that thing,” Suzie said. “I’ll need to have my ammo ready for when I make my call.”
Celia slid the tabloid across the table to her.
“I’m a little worried about that last line in the story,” Pauline said. “The one about how people should call or email her if they can corroborate. As it stands now, it’s our word against Njord’s. We have put up a wall of denial and we are reasonably secure behind it. But if a member of the road crew or the security staff or one of the many hotel workers who must have witnessed you two staying in your room together every night, or ordering dinner for two from room service, decides to talk ... that wall starts to crumble.”
“I don’t think any of the road crew or the security staff would blab,” Celia said. “We’ve worked closely with them for two tours now and they’re a great crew. They’re very supportive of me and of everyone else in the band.”
“Are you sure about that?” Pauline asked. “Are you certain that there isn’t some low-level flunky getting paid minimum wage to endure endless bus rides and then haul your trusses and heft your amps day after day who might be resentful that you and the band get to sleep until ten every morning in fucking hotel suites and then just fly to the next date?”
“I am certain,” Celia said confidently. “Although it might be helpful to describe the phenomenon of the troll to them and warn them against falling into that trap.”
Pauline nodded. “I’ll take you at your word for that,” she said. “Mostly because it’s all I can do. What about the hotel employees?”
“Again, they have nothing but speculation to go on,” Celia said. “None of them have ever seen us in an intimate moment with each other. And, while they might have seen some of Teach’s groupies coming and going, I don’t think they would talk to the press about it. Hotel privacy is a big thing these days and it was actually Jake and Helen and Greg that were instrumental in making that happen. Remember? After the manager at that hotel in Omaha outed Jake and Helen, he got fired and blackballed and the entire chain got boycotted by musicians and the SAG forever. And even if someone did talk, it would also be mere speculation, easily denied. Laura just likes to hang out with fans. Every once in a while, she invites one back to the hotel for a drink or two because she’s lonely out on the road. There is no sexual activity involved.”
“Good points,” Pauline said. “But what if one of Laura’s groupies decides to talk? What then?”
“The same deal,” Celia said. “Deny, deny, deny. It’s some puta’s word against Laura’s. And the puta would have a hard time establishing that she even came back to Laura’s room with her, let alone what happened in there. It’s not like records are kept about this sort of thing.”