There was only one answer he could make to her, and he said it immediately, ‘Yes, of course!’
Beckoning him to grab the stool beside him, she took one herself and the stub of one of the candles, carrying them both to the far corner, as far away as possible from Peter and her mother. As much as Yuri might have relished this time alone with her, he couldn’t ignore the fluttering anxiety in the pit of his belly.
As soon as he sat down she bowed her head and mumbled, ‘I have to go out again. Can you tell Mama I had to work a double shift?’
Petrified, he whispered, ‘Yes.’
Minutes passed as they both stared at the ground in front of them. He felt her wanting to look at him, but she wouldn’t allow herself to do so. Determined to be a worthy companion, he didn’t intrude on her thoughts. They couldn’t be happy ones; in fact, she seemed worried and tired. ‘What are your hopes for the future?’
Her question threw him. He had never been asked anything like this before, though it was hardly a difficult question, ‘I want the war to end and my family to come home.’
‘Yes, yes.’ She shrugged impatiently. ‘But after that? Everyone wants the war to end.’
Ashamed to have annoyed her again, when he was doing his best to appear as grown-up as possible, his mind went blank. It was almost unbearable to admit, ‘Um, I don’t really know. I suppose I want to get a job and… maybe get married someday.’ There was silence to this, giving him time to be furious at himself, why can’t I think of something interesting? ‘Wait,’ he added, in relief, ‘I hope to go to university and be a lecturer, like my father. Well, he’s my stepfather really, but he prefers me to call him “father”.’
Staring straight ahead, she asked, possibly just out of politeness, ‘What does he lecture in?’
‘The sciences,’ he replied uncertainly. He realised he didn’t know exactly what his stepfather did. He had always assumed he had plenty of time to find out things like that.
Overwhelmed with this sudden longing to know exactly what his stepfather worked at, he missed what Tanya had said just then, and, rather shamefacedly, had to ask her to repeat it.
‘Volker is a chemical engineer. I imagine your stepfather would know something about that.’
He was dumbfounded. Wasn’t that a German name?
Not noticing Yuri’s shocked reaction, Tanya went on explaining. ‘Well, chemistry is a science, isn’t it? I don’t know much about it but I do know that much.’
There was a booming noise in Yuri’s head, like bombs going off in the distance, creating a murky fog that was too thick to see through: Volker? Volker?
He stared and stared at her until she gave in and registered whatever expression was plastered across his face; he felt that expression might be frozen there forever.
The night was so very, very cold. Wrapping her coat around her, Tanya pressed her chin against the collar.
He waited, but nothing. Was she going to copy Peter and make him beg for an answer to an obvious question: Who the hell was Volker? It was his turn to get annoyed, and he could hear the resentment in his voice. ‘Yes, it is a science. Volker? Isn’t that a German name?’
‘I swear to you, Yuri, keep your voice down or…’ she hissed at him, like a cat hissing at a curious dog who has yet to realise its instinct is to chase.
‘Or what? You’ll have your German friend deal with me?’ Yuri sneered, ever so quietly.
Tanya reached over and took his hand, her touch making him feel incredibly happy, enraged and utterly sad, all at the same time. Is this what being grown-up is, too many feelings all at once?
‘I need to talk, Yuri. You’re the only one here. Please!’
Out of nowhere, he suddenly heard his mother’s voice, calm and sweet as always, ‘Be good now, Yuri. Be good.’ His anger disappeared, leaving him tired and suddenly certain, more certain than he had been in a long, long time. ‘You’re going away!’ he said flatly.
She started to cry, holding one hand over her mouth to stifle the sound, her other hand still gripping his.
For the second time in as many months he wished that time would stand still, that he could remain here in this basement, and keep the four of them together. It was such a pity that they needed to eat since it was the only reason left to have to go anywhere. He let this thought slip into words. ‘It would be a lot easier if we didn’t have to go outside again until it’s all over.’
Tanya nodded her head and actually laughed, a little, through her tears, ‘That’s about one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard a person say, but I understand what you mean.’
Emboldened, he added, ‘Why doesn’t Hitler just stay at home and mind his own business?’
Her laugh became a gentle smile. ‘Ah, but he does. It’s the ordinary men who must do the hard work of invading other countries.’
He took this delicious opportunity to play the innocent student. ‘But why does he want to invade other countries?’ When had he last sat at his school desk, or moaned over his homework? Only now did he realise how lucky he had been back then.
To his relief, she laughed again, just a little. ‘My guess is that he wants to rule them, or ruin them. Something like that. Who really knows why anyone does anything?’ She rubbed away the tears that were just about gone.
The two of them were back, he felt, to the point of them sitting together on their wooden stools, only this time he was ready to hear, and to listen.
She took a breath and paused, before letting the air back out again. He knew not to comment when she took her hand away, leaving his feeling empty and bitterly cold. Tilting her body towards him, she began, ‘I’m leaving Russia.’
He nodded calmly, as if he had already guessed that. What could he say to something that sounded so fantastic and impossible?
She sighed at his cautious response, ‘I know, I know. It sounds so strange to hear myself say that. I don’t think I really believe it yet.’
He smiled to show he knew how she felt – that he didn’t believe it either, until, that is, she spoke again, ‘Volker is organising it. I can speak German so he’s sending me to his family as soon as he’s finished here.’
Unaware of how that last line might have sounded to him, and to the people of Stalingrad, she continued, her worried expression being gradually replaced by a happier one. To his sensitive ears, ‘as soon as Volker is finished here’ meant as soon as the Russians had been beaten. How did she not understand this? Yuri was in a daze. It had been confusing to watch Isabella and Sarah play host to the soldiers earlier, but now this. He struggled to find something to say and at last thought of an obvious question, ‘How – when did you meet a German soldier?’
Tanya’s tone was apologetic and she couldn’t stop herself from checking the look on Yuri’s face as she answered, ‘This is going to sound stupid. A couple of weeks ago, we walked around a corner and gave each other the biggest fright. At the sound of footsteps I thought he was Russian, while he thought I was a fellow soldier. And probably because we terrified one another we just burst out laughing.’
‘Well,’ Yuri felt it was only fair to point out, ‘he probably would have shot you in the back had you turned and ran.’
She gasped, ‘No, he wouldn’t have! He would never shoot an unarmed woman.’
‘Oh, right… that’s good,’ Yuri mumbled awkwardly. Gingerly, he moved onto an equally important question, ‘But… but he’s the enemy. They hate us. Look what they did to Stalingrad. How can you just forget all that?’ What about my mother and Anna?
Wrapping her arms around herself, Tanya closed her eyes. ‘The way I see it, an army is made up of individuals. There is always going to be some men who are suited to killing and men who are not but have to follow orders, just like your friends today.’